Welcome

Primitive religion is not believed, it is danced!

Arthur Darby Nock

Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
And only he who sees takes off his shoes;
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.

Elizabeth Browning



Sunday, September 30, 2012

Seeing God

Fire red morning

Fire tipped mountain
rising into a startling blue sky

crisp air
nipping my fingers
the morning  breeze
stroking my face

mares, nibbling on my fingers
looking for one last trace of molasses 
after packer pellet ecstacy

the magic of trees
mysteriously turning
overnight
into wildly colored wonders

the sun kissing the sky
and light clouds
drifting
a mystery
perhaps angels in flight

it is time
to celebrate the madness,
the joy,

of seeing God
everywhere!

Saturday, September 29, 2012

On saying "goodbye"

The morning sun
filters through the trees

The winds of the past evening 
are gone
leaving a carpet of pine needles
and a eerie stillness

It is a time for saying goodbye
earth to earth
dust to dust
ashes to ashes

today my friends
will gently rest
in the embrace of cool earth

Sometimes in these moments of goodbye
we wonder
where God was
where God is
in all of this

Is God indifferent?
Absent?

Why does God allow us these moments
of emptiness and loss?

Is there something wrong with God?
or is there something we can't see?
How do we transform such moments?

There is a story about the Buddha
of a time a title wave of slush
roared down a mountain and wiped out many families

The Buddha stood and watched, then slowly walked off
"What the average person did not see was
  that all those souls dove headfirst into him.
  He mixed them in his being.  They ran through 
  his veins shouting with joy" (Hafiz)

Ah yes, my friends
There is much we do not see
We are too full of our own pain
Our own wishes and desires

God has said, "I am with you always"

I plan to take that to the bank
To rejoice in my friend Scott "shouting with joy"
 
and perhaps pulling out his guitar
and saying to those around him....
Have you heard this one from the 70's?
 

Thursday, September 27, 2012

The dialogue in my head

There there are
that cast of characters 
who inhabit my mind

sometimes it seems miraculous that so many
people can fit in there
so many voices.

It would be nice if they were consistent
but alas
they are not

"You are God's child"
"You are inherently flawed"
"You are forgiven"
"You are totally screwed"

Sometimes I wish I could "cut out"
surgically
those voices I don't like

Just ignore them
Like I might ignore an irritating person on Facebook
Perhaps I could even "unfriend" them

But alas
That is not the way it works

Instead I must enter into dialogue with those characters
those voice
I must say to them, "let's talk!"

Perhaps what I need is a chat room in my mind
a place to not only listen
but in safety
to talk
to challenge

To say to that voice
that would deny grace
"Hey, you are a liar"

There are so many lies in my head
I think perhaps
Some of my characters are politicians

I must be on speaking terms with all of them

When I am unsettled I must say
"Who inside me is feeling this?"
"Who is confused?"
"Who is scared?"

I must find that voice
That person
and enter into 
dialogue

it is in dialogue
that forgiveness
healing
resolution 
come

Bring it on!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Who inside have I neglected?

The Bible says.....
sometimes I hate that phrase...

The Bible says a lot of things
Some of them make me feel inadquate
Some make be feel like I am not enough
bad
judged
sinful

Ah yes!  Sin
Sinner

Some of them give me hope
"what love God has given, that we should be called the Children of God,
AND WE ARE!"

Some inspire me
lift me up!

The problem is that I am
not one 
but many

There are many versions of Stephen Paul Kliewer
or at least many parts!

and some of those parts
those persons
 
I don't like
i would rather banish them
and not allow them to participate
in my life
 
But there they are
Try as I might I can't deny them
The lost me
the lonely me
The hurting me
the sinful me
The hopeful me
the caring me
The giving me
The distracted unfocused me
 
my cast of characters
I am not sure if it is a comedy
a tragedy
or an action movie
 
Maybe all of the above
I just know that I need to pay attention
to this cast of characters
who have a way of their own
 
and when I have those moments of struggle
I need to look inside
at whom i have neglected
at who inside me is hurting, and crying
 
I need to love
and forgive
and care for 
that part of me
 
and in that caring
that loving
that forgiving
 
find healing 
and peace
 

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Both And - Life with the Shadow

I am sitting in the Mile Hi City
Visiting my amazing son and his amazing wife
Two young people who make me smile

It is early morning, and loud music is blaring outside their condo
motivating the apparently thousands (seems like millions) of runners
doing a half marathon in the street below

Go Tammy K. (a person I work with in Oregon is one of them).

As I sit here I am thinking about shadows

Not the shadows created by the morning sun
but the shadows that live in my soul
the shadows that we all have

The shadows that exist in every person I know

I talked yesterday about my friend Scott
He was amazing, a giving wonderful man
But he had shadows.  There was a part of himself that was
chaotic and dark and confused

I have my own shadows.  I try to pretend the dark side of my soul isn't there
but it creeps out anyone.  
I turn my back for second, and there it is!

We spend a lot of time denying this part of ourselves
And lot of energy
we create this container
into which we put the less perfect part of ourselves
the part we want to forget

But there is a problem
it is part of ourselves
and if we want to be authentic
and real
and grow
 
We have to accept our whole self
Every part of our self we do not love
Do not acknowledge, will become our enemy (thank you Robert Bly)

We can only cover up for a while
and the
the dark self will leak

those unackowledged thoughts and feelings will erupt
will come out of us
sometimes gushing
flowing
sometimes trickling

but it will emerge

the greed, the lust
the loneliness, the anger

and there we are
unmasked
our self-righteous veneer in disarray 

So the self we must love
the self we must accept
is our whole self
we must claim the shadow
learn to live with it, manage it
work with it

For we are all both/and
both good and bad
weak and strong
righteous and deviant
givers and takers
kind and cruel

we are together, but also totally mixed up

it is how we are

and it is when we accept this 
when we let the light shine
on our whole self
that we can attend to
and forgive
the parts of ourselves we do not like

When courageously face even the parts of us that 
appear to be destructive can be transformed (F. Scardino)

It is amazing how freeing it can be
when there is less to hide

It is time to make friends with our shadow

Thursday, September 20, 2012

In Memory of Scott

I remember wondering
who the heck is this?!

Scott was nothing if not unique
With that mop of hair
His gap toothed smile
That nose, oh that nose

There were plenty of distractions with Scott
a smile that filled up his whole face
his smokers laugh

that laugh, did I mention his laugh?

There were his clothes
Oh I know
People didn't quite know what to do with
ear rings
ladies shoes
with that odd mixture of male and female
that was Scott

He didn't quite know what to do with that either

Sometimes people couldn't get past those distractions
All they could see were things they didn't understand
It was their loss.

All you had to do was spend a little time
and soon all you could see was Scott
all you could see was that amazing
gentle
giving 
heart

Scott was all heart
it came out in his music
in that raspy bass 
in the 1970's hits he would play on his guitar

It came out in his words
He would often be silent
listening, taking it all in
and then he would speak
wisdom

wisdom that came out of being an alcoholic
and being in recovery
from being rejected
and loved
from living life fully, and hard

Oh yes he was wise
one learned to listen to him
(I would often glance over during sermons... to make sure my wisdom was measuring up)

It came out in his many acts of service
He mowed, and gathered wood
Cleaned, fixed, moved
He did anything he could, for anyone he could

You could see it in his eager learning
In his quick tears
You could feel it in his hugs

I will miss that mop of hair
Those wild ear rings
Those crazy shoes
I will miss him standing by me
playing the guitar

I will miss my friend
But I will not miss his heart
It is still here
He gave it away
And each one of us has a piece in our hearts
_____________________________________________________-
This summer at a choir camp one particular song really touched Scott's heart
Here are the words. They seem particularly appropriate right now
No time to tarry here,
No time to wait for you,
No time to tarry here
For I'm on my journey home.

Brothers, oh fare you well,
Brothers, oh fare you well,
Brothers, oh fare you well,
For I'm on my journey home.

No time to tarry here,
No time to wait for you,
No time to tarry here,
For I'm on my journey home.

Welcome home Scott!

THOUGHTS OF THE MODERN DAY PHARISEE

THOUGHTS OF THE MODERN DAY PHARISEE 
Who are "those people" over there?

I had never realized there were so many of them
people I must be afraid of
people who are taking advantage of me
and my magnificent generosity (I do pay taxes after all)
people who look different
dress differently
act, perhaps, a bit odd

But there are there
they are everywhere
lazing around
asking for "handouts"
making me feel uncomfortable
being an inconvenience

I am glad I am not like them
I am glad I can stand here and know
That I am so much better
That I have done it all by myself
I built it!
Yes I did, and no one helped
Ever
Nope!  I did it...

And so I am not like them...
Those... Hispanics.
Those... Blacks.
Those people with mental illness.
or addiction issues.

Those people who were born so poor they went to school hungry
(they should have sucked it up and worked harder)
or without good clothes (ok, so I teased them, so what?).

Those people who were born with a developmental disability.
Those people who went home to physical or sexual abuse
every night after school.

Those women who have been raped
or beaten
or oppressed
and live in poverty and fear

Those people who had to flee their country because of violence and hate
and now struggle to survive in a strange land.

Those soldiers who have lost a limb (thank you for your service)

Those people who are caught in circumstances beyond their control, and 
simply, positively, need help
Those elderly who need support (they should have saved more)

Those people
I can simply write them off
They are simply an inconvenience
A burden

They are nothing
They have nothing to do with me
They are not my problem...  or are they?

I am glad that I am not
like them.... or am I?
_____________________________________________________________________
 Jesus on Judging - Luke 18:10-14

 "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men — robbers, evildoers, adulterers — or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

13 "But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

14 "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

_________________________________________________________________
 Jesus on Helping the Vulnerable -  Matt 25:31-40

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34 "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37 "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The art of self-compassion

It happens sometimes without warning
In a conversation
A meeting
On a walk through the woods

Suddenly
Inexplicably
I feel it!

That shift
That emotional slip that leaves me
out of balance

Like one who 
stepping on ice unknown
must flail 
and struggle
just to stay up

My mood drops
and suddenly I am
slipping and slidding on
the uncertain surface of fear, or anger
or worse, despair

And then I know
It is time to listen to myself!

From the day I was born
I have stored in my mind
countless opinion, beliefs
expectations

Countless experieneces
They are all there
good bad and indifferent

and life happens
and the tapes get played

Remember when you failed?
No one has ever really liked you!
You are a bad person
You are not enough

But the problem is I don't even hear my own voice
Those thoughts roar through my head unchecked
and unchallenged
Sometimes it is time to listen to myself!
Hey, what just happened here?
Where did that come from?
What did I just say to myself!?
Sometimes it is time to listen
to notice the layers of pain
the hateful self talk
the old stories of abandonment and loss
the rejections and disappointments.

Sometimes it is time to challenge
To breathe deeply
To have compassion
To breathe with compassion

And to say to myself
"I hear your pain
 May you be safe
 May you be healed
 May you be happy
 May you be ....
At ease!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

The Burdens We Carry

It was a dark and stormy night
no, not outside
Outside it was beautiful
and still
star filled

But inside
the stormed brewed
If only I had
If only I hadn't
Why didn't I?
Why did I?

The tapes were rolling through my head
all those regrets
all those hurts
it was all there

kodachrome

I hadn't realized how much I am carrying forward
how much past I am
bringing into my present

they are stacked on my back
those acts I regret
those people I have not forgiven
those hurts I have not released
until I am bent beneath the weight

It is time to say
this stops here

It is time to put it all down
take one last look
and walk away

Friday, September 14, 2012

The gentle art of doing nothing

Oh, i need to make that call
Ooops, I forget to send that email
Darn, I told her I would call
and him I would visit

my head is full of conscious thoughts
pulsating 
dominating
 
my head is so full
so noisy
it is as if 75 TVs are on
all on different channels
 
I can barely hear myself speak
in fact
those deep things
those important things lurking in my unconcious
 
those thoughts that drive and define me
rarely rise
into the light
where my minds eye can see them
 
An ancient adage says
when muddy water is allowed to become still, it becomes clear
when it becomes clear it reflects its depth
 
perhaps I need to learn
the gentle art of doing nothing
perhaps in the stillness
things will be clear
 
perhaps I will recover, come back to some deep things
things I once dimly and unknowingly had
and lost
without knowing what it was 
or  where 
or when
I lost it



Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Forget all you know

Interesting the classroom where God says
"Forget all you think you know about me"
That is some way knowledge might dawn"
                                                  Hafiz

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I often think I know a lot about God
after all I have a degree in theology
actually two

are you impressed?

I have studied God up one side
and down the other
assuming God has sides of course

And I have formed my opinions
And it is amazing how the God I have shaped

For yes, in my humanness I fear I have shaped God 
more than accepted God
as God is

How the God I have shaped so agrees with me
about most everything

What I wonder is why the God is believe in
the God I think I know
appears to be so different from the God
others seem to "know"

I don't think my God 
would vote the way their God would vote
Or see a person on welfare the same way
or a young girl, frightened and pregnant

And yet, who is right?
The Bible says Jesus
God with us
God most concrete and visible
is the same
"yesterday, today and forever"

Frankly that doesn't help me much
As Jesus, in his ministry on earth 
was full of surprises.... 
and usually spent most of his time blowing apart
the image of God the people had so carefully constructed

So I will have to go with what little I know
and clearly that is not much
I will have to go with the God
who comes to me
in the middle of the night
in the presence of death
when I am all alone

And in those moments when I am emptied out
becomes known
as love

Monday, September 10, 2012

Mara World

I am taking a day off!
Yes, really
Not going into the office
Not answering phone calls (OK, I probably will)
Not checking email (everyone knows that is a laugh)

But I am taking the day off
Time to be with Mara
and of course Mara's mom
my amazing daughter Erin!

And it is terrifying
I means what does one do with a 3 month old child?
Sure she is cute
and her mom insists that those noises she makes 
are really her "talking"

Some things get lost in the translation

But it is terrifying because I have built
my whole life around doing
accomplishing
 
and now
for this day
I simply need to be
 
To rejoice in the grunts (and what that means - good thing her mom is here for diaper duty)
To "hear" the words in those amazing noises
 
To rejoice when those eyes meet mine
and that smile emerges...
 to feel God in that tiny body
that trustingly lies in my hands
 
To know that in this moment
I am closer to God than I ever get
 
 
 
When I am with Mara
I am a fool
but I am God's fool
 

Sunday, September 9, 2012

We forfeit our Lives

"We forfeit three fourths of our lives to be like someone else."
                                                                     Arthur Schopenhauer


____________________________________________________________________
Who am?
Sometimes I think I know.
I have these images of self
that flit through my mind like
slides in a pojector
images fleeting
almost unseen
but casting a shadow over everything I see, and hear
shaping people
events
circumstances
these scripts determine what I can and can't do
what I feel
how i see the world
By these scripts I live
they are powerful 
and sweeping
they are there 
these unconscious scripts
lurking in the background
whispering in my ear
at times pumping up my ego
at times feeding rage
depression
anxiety
and they lead me far astray
from my true nature.
they came from so many places
friends, parents
the church
rarely myself
and so I have spent three fourths of my life (or more)
trying to be like someone else
trying to be this 
construct
Perhaps it is time to think for myself
to be responsible for my own definition
to leave those scripts behind that
others have planted in my soul
Because all I will really succeed at
is being me
what do I want to believe about my self?
what scripts to I want to follow?
Better, what scripts are truly mine?
God has scripts for me
planted deep in my body and soul
these scripts reflect my true self
my created to be self
Will this self disappoint me?
Will it disappoint others?
Some how I know that if I find what is really right for me
It will be right for others
This is the task beneath every task
to find that self
God created me to be.
So it leaves me with one
startling question
What do I want to be, when I grow up?

Saturday, September 8, 2012

The Gift of Need

Need brings us together; that makes need sacred.
If a person did not have some kind of thirst, 
would she ever approach you on her own?

Would his eye ever ask your eye for comfrot?
Would his hand ever want to hold yours?
                                                               Hafiz/Landinsky
_______________________________________________________________

Be a man!
Good people are strong!
Never let them see you sweat!
It is not OK to be needy!

The voices in my head are clear
They are the voices of my culture
My father
Perhaps they are voices I have made up

But they are there

It is NOT OK to be needy!
It is ok to be a care giver
It is OK to offer advice
It is OK to be the one who helps and resuces
It is OK to be the person with the answers
and who has it all together

But.....

It is NOT OK to be needy.

And yet 
People need each other
People need God

OK
I will dare to say it
outloud
where everyone can hear...
"I need other people"
"I need you"

I have lived my life as
the pastor,
the boss
the therapist

To the world I have presented a self that is 
strong, competent
together
calm
a self contained universe

and yet inside
I have been fearful and lonely
a lost little boy

It has always been this way
since I was very young
Dr. Kliewer's son
The brainy little nerd
with the crew cut and black glasses
the skinny late bloomer in the  back brace

I wanted other people
I needed them
but early forays into the world of other people
taught me one could get rejected
laughed at

one could be the kid who was not picked for the little league team
The last one chosen at recess

So I became the one who was "together"
smart, strong......
and isolated

Oh it leaked out once in a while
that loneliness, that fear
that dreaded need
It leaked out as I tried too hard to impress
As I tried to hard too prove that yes, a girl or woman might like me
that i might be able to be "one of the guys'
that anyone might like me..
Me....
As I became a success-a-holic

It leaks out still
and some see and understand
some see and misunderstand

It doesn't work
One cannot be an isolated universe 
One cannot make it alone
We need each other
We need God

It is often when we come together in need
In hurt
In fear
That we actually find each other
 That we finally find love

and that makes need sacred

Thursday, September 6, 2012

On our hearts

Jack Kornfield tells of a story that comes out of the Jewish mystical tradition.  It seems a great rabbi taught his disciples to memorize and meditate on teachings, and to place the lessons, the sacred words on their hearts.  One day a follower asked the rabbi why you used the phrase "on your heart" and not "in your heart".  The rabbi responded that it is not easy for such lessons to find their way into people's hearts, and that we "recite and learn them and put them on our hearts hoping that some day when our heart breaks they will fall in."

Our hearts can be broken in many ways.

I have never really seen this as an opportunity before, and yet......

___________________________________________________________

I look upon my friend
bent and frail
breathing with difficulty
and I know his journey is ending

He knows it too
and in the midst of the pain, the uncertainty
the frailty seeks to find
somewhere
in the midst of it all
a reason to grasp living in the midst of dying

I look upon my friend and my heart breaks

I watch the news, and read the blogs
I see the faces, read the words, hear the voices
of hate and angry
intolerance

It overwhelms me
rushes over me like a physical pain
I can feel it in my body
like a dread disease that grips my inmost parts
and turns me inside out

I look around me and there is pain, and loneliness
It is everywhere

And it is in me too
I face my own heartbreaks
losses
betrayals
misunderstandings
failures

sometimes it seems as if my heart
is broken beyond repair
a tattered thing.. full of holes

and yet this broken heart is one
I need to hold, gently in my hands
with the dignity it deserves

I need to listen with this heart
what can it teach me through its brokeness?
how can it lead me to wholeness?

Can not these wounds that seem
so horrible
be that by which the sacred comes in?

I need to listen with this heart
for with it I can be aware of all the broken hearts in this world
with it I can hear the songs
of all the breaking hearts that surround me.

I need to listen with this heart
and find peace
in its vast openness



Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The Cork atop the Ocean

(With thanks to Carl Jung)

A cork atop the ocean
Sometimes that is what I know

About myself
About life
About God

I like to think I am a rational being
And that I have insight
as if this conscious self
is who I am

And yet
all I actually know about myself
may only be a cork atop the ocean

beneath my conscious point of view
there is likely so much more

It is funny how things work
How we say and do things
with one intention
which produce oddly different outcomes
than we intended

We like to think it is all about them...
but perhaps it is the ocean
those things that lurk in the unconcious
like strange creatures of the deep
that surface
like the Loch Ness monster

fleeting
half formed
that simply come to the surface and show themselves
telling us, and those we meet
that there is more going on
than even we know

what is in there
in those depths?

What would I learn if I could
only plumb those depths and understand
the deep currents that drive my life?

Perhaps it is time
perhaps it is always time
to dive deep
into the ocean
into that unknown
scary
but also creative source

that is me
_____________________________________________
 Ps 139:23-24:  Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Plugged into the Infinite

The sun rises
day breaks
coffee brews
the day unfolds

Sometimes coffee is not enough
its a new day
but why doesn't it feel new?

Sometimes the road does indeed
seem to stretch on forever

twisting its dry dusty way
through the rocks and 
sagebrush 
of an endless desert

More meetings
another client
more fear
and hurt
and pain
to be faced

where does it come from
the love 
the comfort
the hope
we need
we need to give?

Some times it helps
to be plugged into the Infinite
 
________________________________________________
 
For just as the branch cannot bear any fruit unless it shares the life of the vine, so you can produce nothing unless you go on growing in me. I am the vine itself, you are the branches. It is the man who shares my life and whose life I share who proves fruitful. For the plain fact is that apart from me you can do nothing at all.
                                Jesus

Monday, September 3, 2012

The Principle of Least Love

It is an interesting thing about love

There are people you 'love' because
they are beatuiful
kind
giving

Because you love spending time in their presence

But often what we love most about love is that 
we get so much out of it.
There is a person, sometimes "that" person
who loves us with all their heart
and gives to us, so much

so much indeed that it seems as if not matter how much love we
pour out toward them, we are never depleted
but are always full.

God's love is that way
always giving
always filling
always giving us that capacity to keep
putting ourselves out there for others.

It is a rare thing when we find that kind of love
here
in this world
with another person
it happens
But what is even rarer is when a love exists that keeps pulsing
keeps roaring through heart
even when we aren't getting much back
God loves that way
we people?
not so much

We play this odd game of "least love" (Thank you Tony Campolo)
because for us power is also a big thing
we may love it more than love
and we  know that who loves the most
has
from a worldly  perspective, the least power
If you say you love me, and I have not returned the favor,
well, I have power over you

If my heart belongs to you
and yours does not belong to me
well, you have control.  You can ignore me, but I can't ignore you
You can manipulate me.  It is much harder for me to manipulate you.
You can leave me, let go, walk away
I just can't

Its an odd thing about love
sometimes we love people because
and sometimes we just love
and there is nothing we can do about it

At times we have amazing love
and no power
not from a normal way of thinking about power
 
but perhaps, in some mysterious kind of way
we do

Look on yourself more as God does....

Reading Hafiz in the morning really is a bad habit
almost as bad as my comics habit
and my coffee habit
and my check in with friends via Facebook or Text habit.

This morning the Hafiz selection in my reader was, 
uninspiring

So, it being a holiday, I went forward 
(Does that make me a Marxist socialist?)
The reading was about self doubt.  Something I happen to be an expert on.
My dad was wonderful.  He loved me and did all kinds of things with me.
He made sure I had enough and more than enough
But he also had expectations
and he wanted me to be the best I could be...
and perhaps a bit too much wanted me to be what he wanted me to be....
So I got a lot of comments about what I didn't get done
Where I didn't succeed, and how if I had just "tried harder"
Not a lot of "good job" or "I am proud of you."
Not until he got cancer, but by then I had 30 plus years of beating myself up.
So the Hafiz for today really struck me....
It hit me because it was so the right message for me
It hit me because I say stuff like this to others all the time,
but don't say it to myself.
___________________________________________________
Perhaps for one minute out of the day it may be of value to torture yourself with thoughts like
"I should be doing a hell ofa lot more with my life than I am ...
'cause I'm so damn talented."
But remember for just one minute of the day.
With all the rest of your time it would be
best to try looking upon yourself more as
God does.
For God knows your true royal nature.
God is never confused and can only see
Himself (Herself) in you....
you are the sole heir to the King (Queen).
_____________________________________________________________

This day and every day
I run a deficit in my mind

Oh it is not that I don't see what I accomplish
or know that I do good things
or have some talent

It is just that my head says
unequivocally
remorsefully
you could do more
you could do better
my friends know this side of me
I drive them crazy
with my emotional math
which always, somehow
creates a negative integer
not enough
it is never enough
how did I come to this place
where I must always plod, plod, plod
doing
working 
proving my worth
more to myself then to a watching world.
 Perhaps it is time to see myself as 
I know God sees me
and as a child of God
as a Prince

find that recliner
lean back in the sun
sip that drink....
and just say in my minds eye
enough is enough

Damn!  I am something!
I am someone!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

All of God is so close!

Was doing my morning ritual, reading a few "daily" type books
Comics, the really important read come next,
 
when I ran across a line from Hafiz I liked... nothing like reading Hafiz to get you in the mood for preaching about Moses... smile "All of God , which is everything, is really so close, and caresses us now and then if our senses are alert."
 
God is in the small thing! As well as in friendship, intimacy, and deeper things.
 
This morning all the kids are home (the three mares are back from summer pasture)
and so I had to wander out early to feed them and Tres, our newly minted gelding,
and set the water in the pastures.
 
And God was really so close.
In the covey of quail that rushed from the brush pile
from the first golden kisses of the sun
 
In the eagerness of the "kids" for morsels
of wild hay and alfalfa
 
In the crispness of the air
and antics of Tess the cat 
as she leapt and twisted
mighty hunter in pursuit of yet another grasshopper
 
In the quiet of my kitchen
as I, tasks completed
return to the warm of coffee
and the joy of greeting special friends (thank you social media)
and this day
which the Lord has made!
 
Blessings!