A legacy of love

“I'm more haunted by how what I've said and the things I've done have caused harm to myself and others than I am worried that God will punish me for being bad. Because in the end, we aren't punished for our sins as much as we are punished by our sins.”

― Nadia Bolz-Weber, Accidental Saints: Finding God in All the Wrong People

______________________________________________________________

I have done a lot of horrible things in my life

There are times I want to move into the world of shame

And say that I am horrible

But I respect God’s workmanship a bit too much for that

But I am painfully aware

of the fact that I have done things, and said things

that have hurt people

sometimes deeply

I have failed to do things

that have hurt people

deeply

there are people out there who are less trusting

because of me

people whose faith in the church

or God

has been damaged, or even destroyed

because of me

there are people who feel angry

or small

rejected

less

because of me

and that is a burden

I carry with me

I run the tapes, over and over (sometimes)

there are moments

when out of the blue

a memory comes

and I am ashamed

and saddened

I do not believe God hates me

or rejects me because of what I have done

nor I believe that God will ultimately punish me

because of my failure to be

who God created me to be

A sacred child

Honest, and humble

Giving and caring

Authentic

Respectful

I do a pretty good job of punishing myself

But while each day I carry with me

my failures

my regrets

the relationships damaged

the friends lost

the opportunities destroyed

but I also carry with me

my belief

that God is love,

and that God loves me, in spite of it all

I know grace

And so I do the best I can

to lay my burdens down

and I do my best

to accept my acceptance

and I do my best

to be a Child of God

a travel light

I do my best to be

a person who will eventually leave behind

a legacy

of

love