I am a wanderer. I would say that I am a seeker, but sometimes I have no idea what I might be seeking, so I will stick with wanderer. This blog is more a public journal than anything. I don't claim to have life figured out. I simply stumble from mystery to mystery, and share my reflections along the way. Sometimes I feel burdened, and trudge. Sometimes? Well sometimes grace breaks through, and its time to dance.
Monday, January 18, 2016
May I be I (and Thou be Thou)
“may I be I is the only prayer--not may I be great or good
or beautiful or wise or strong.”
― E.E. Cummings
_______________________________________________
I have always believed
although I would deny it
if said it was so,
that life is a test
and that to pass the test,
and be relevant,
meaningful or
worthy
one has to be good,
or beautiful or wise or strong
and so I have spent my life
taking the test –
studying
working
writing
striving
determined to prove to myself (and everyone else)
that I am worthy of
respect
someone to like, nay to love
so life has become a blur
of things done (and sometimes undone)
ah, I have done good things!
I have helped people spiritually (so I am told)
and helped those with mental illness find recovery
I have married and buried
written books
developed programs
led agencies
I have been on the cutting edge of life
Except
“I” has not been “I”
I have been a cipher
slipping like a ghost through life
never quite real, never totally present.
never quite solid enough, still enough
to truly connect
with this world
with its beauty or its pain
to connect with myself
with my beauty or my pain
to connect with others
hello, how can I help?
listening but not listening
as my unquiet mind races on
(frantic activity)
Goodbye,
on to the next part of the test
it is time
I think
(some of us are very slow learners)
to say hello to
the “I” that God created
and to tell it
there is no test
you are valuable
period
no conditions
you are loved
period
no conditions
you are
It is time to sit with myself for a while
and then slowly
gently
lovingly
sit with others
fully
I will always learn and write and serve
and always, I suspect
seek to earn my worth (at least a little)
for that is who I am
but it is time to sit
and listen
and love
and comfort
and touch
and heal
and
be
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