Monday, June 11, 2018
what is now
“I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids. For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin….
And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin….
But this is what I’m finding, in glimpses and flashes: this is it. This is it, in the best possible way. That thing I’m waiting for, that adventure, that move-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets – this pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of use will ever experience.”
Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines
What are you waiting for?
Trump to implement his vision of America
Trump to collapse, to fall?
The Stock market to soar
The Stock market to collapse
What are you waiting for?
Or perhaps more altruistic things
The Kingdom of God?
The thing is, waiting is a way of denying
Denying the moment
Denying the person, the gift, the beauty
Right in front of you
We get so busy looking we do not see
So busy straining into the future that we are alienated from “now”
We keep chasing the person we think we want to be
And never accept or affirm the person that is
The beautiful disaster
That we are in this moment
I will never be perfect!
I know, it is a shock to me too
I will not do every class well
I will not be liked by everyone who knows me
I will not be deemed handsome or sexy by all
There will be days I alienate people
When I fail
I cannot wait to become
Because I already am
This is me
This is what you get
Yes I can work to grow, to improve
I can work to be the best I can be
But I can only work out that salvation in this moment
The challenge for this day
Is to be, in the moment
To rejoice, in the moment
To see, in the moment, the beauty around me
There is a sun out there
A mountain out there
There are trees, and birds
And cows and calves
The world is stuffed with God
Stuffed with beauty
I tis time to quite waiting for what is next
And to grab hold of