soft front, firm back

All too often our so-called strength comes from fear, not love; instead of having a strong back, many of us have a defended front shielding a weak spine.  In other words, we walk around brittle and defensive, trying to conceal our lack of confidence.  If we strengthen our backs, metaphorically speaking, and develop a spine that’s flexible but sturdy, then we can risk having a front that’s soft and open… How can we give and accept care with strong-back, soft-front compassion, moving past fear into a place of genuine tenderness.  I believe it comes about when we can be truly transparent, seeing the world clearly – and letting the world see into us

                                                                           Roshi Joan Halifax, quote by Brene Brown

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What does it mean to be strong?

To put up a strong front, never showing weakness?

To be forceful, insisting one’s own way?

Does it mean asserting one’s power?

Does it involve “winning”

Does it mean being “above” others

Are the strong those who are the richest?

Who have the positions and the titles?

Are they the ones who cow others, and bend others to their will?

The brutal?

I think there is such a thing as faux strength

We strength is when the front is hard, but the back is soft

When all that is holding the person up, is what they can literally throw at others

Such people throw out harsh words

They engage in brutal behaviors

They hide behind position and wealth

They are often bullies

Bulls in the china shop

And they leave wounded people behind them, as they flail toward what they want

But inside there is emptiness, and fear

And inability to have compassion, on either themselves or others

We know such people when we encounter them

They leave us cold and empty, they make our stomachs hurt and as asses twitch

They may fool us for a while

But eventually we feel the impact of the abyss that exists within their soul

Hard fronts, soft backs

But there are others

Who are generous, and kind

Who seek what is best for others

Who lift others up

Who accept rather than reject

Welcome rather than exclude

These are people willing to be wrong

Willing to be vulnerable

Willing to let other people in

Sometimes we think these people are soft

Snowflakes

Bleeding hearts

Libertards (perhaps)

but behind the soft exterior, there is something strong

Something profound

Call it love

Call it the Sacred

Call it inner strength

Call it insight, or wisdom

Call it what you will

But these people do not live in fear

They do not need to oppress and minimize others to feel OK about themselves

They do not have to use and manipulate to have healthy egos

They have strong backs

They are held up by what is more powerful than

Hate, or fear, or even death

They are help up, strengthened, by Sacred Presence

and Sacred Love

They have soft fronts

They can smile

They can be open and honest

They can embrace

But they can stand firm, they can survive the worst

They can continue to be a force for good, even when surrounded by evil

Softs fronts, strong backs

That is the way I want to be

A person with a soft front, and a firm back