loved back to life

P

“It happens to all of us," I concluded that Easter Sunday morning. "God simply keeps reaching down into the dirt of humanity and resurrecting us from the graves we dig for ourselves through our violence, our lies, our selfishness, our arrogance, and our addictions. And God keeps loving us back to life over and over.”

 Nadia Bolz-Weber, Pastrix

________________________

it has been a long road

and now that I am no longer young

and perhaps not truly old

I pause, as one pauses before that final climb

to the top of the hill

clarity, that final clarity that only death will bring

is over the hill

and for now

is am merely on the way

a long path behind me,

a much shorter one ahead

and in the stillness

I ruminate

I chew methodically on

the stuff that comes up

good, bad, and indifferent

there are memories that bring joy

and those that bring pain

memories of proud moments

and memories of abject shame

it has not been smooth

this path

there have been far too many moments when I have been over my head

in the ooze and slime and old decay (CS Lewis) of failure

ah yes, there were times when I broke free

and for brief bright moments felt good about myself

and what I was doing

but so many times

when I wondered if I could keep putting

one foot in front of the other

and I have been no stranger to death

the death of hope

the death of dreams

the death of a career, and then another

the death of a marriage, the death of joy

Oh yes, I have done much of it to myself

Although sometimes, life just happens

but for each death

there has been a resurrection

for each ending, there has been a beginning

it seems that God cannot leave well enough alone

(thank God)

and keeps “loving me back to life”

again, and again, and again

if I am “average” I will live another 11 years

what will that “final climb” bring?

what will I do between now and that final then?

How many more holes will I dig for myself?

How many more times will I get lost in the swamp?

What lies along the path?

Pain, joy, love?

I do not know

but this I know

God will keep reaching down into the mess that is this world

and God will keep reaching down into the mess that is my life

and God will keep nudging, and guiding, hinting and helping.

God will keep picking me when I fall down

And if necessary, keep resurrecting me, when I am buried in the rubble of my own making

And this I know

When I hit the top of that hill

And look over to the other side

God will be there again, with one last resurrection, and one last surprise

_________________

‘when the evening gently closes in, and you close your weary eyes

I’ll be there as I have always been, with just one more surprise”

                                                            Contemporary Hymn