Help my unbelief!

Thinking is a dangerous thing

And as I wander down the road

Assailed by the beauty of your creation Lord,

My thoughts besiege me

And I find myself in a place of sorrows

There is so much I want to be true

I want to be generous and not greedy

I want to be kind and not indifferent

I want my staff to be happy

I want my church to grow

I want to be attentive and not scattered

I want work to be stable

I want to have been a better father

I want to be disciplined not impulsive

I want to be attentive and not scattered

I want

I want

And as I wander this profound sense is there

That I can’t do this

I can’t make it through the next day

I can’t deal with the gap of suffering

Between what I want, and what I have

I know I should believe

I a minister, of sorts

Certainly a flawed and vulnerable sort

I want to believe

But mostly I’m just confused

And maybe Lord

That is just where I am meant to be

Confused

Flawed

Vulnerable

With a profound sense that I can’t do this

Can’t make it through the next day
next hour

Without you

Lord I believe

Help my unbelief! (Mark 9:24)