Thank you, from the heart

it is funny how serious illnesss can impact you

I was raised by lovely parents

Caring

Generous

Giving

wonderful in so many ways

but I learned, whether the lesson was intended or not

that you are measured by what you accomplish

and there is tremendous value in being strong

In being the one who is in control

and so I grew up

encapsulated

protected

inside an image

I'm not a bad person

I hurt

I get lonely

I want friends

I want to hang with another guy and watch football

i want my great nieces and nephews to smile when they think of uncle  Steve 

I want the affection of my nieces and nephews as well

but always I have always been protective

hidden behind layers of competence

and busy-ness

and then I spend a week helpless

unable to walk

and lovely people stopped by to say hello

and say

"we care"

"we love you"

fellow workers (thank you Chantay and Stephanie, Paul, Trilby, and those who actually seemed glad to see me when I wandered back into the office.

Facebook friends reached out with prayers and love

and this very strong, competent, "I can do it myself" person

found himself a bit teary

and very touched

and very open

much more open at the heart level

than I have ever been

It may not make me a better boss, although I suspect it will

or a better therapist (if I was ever any good to begin with)

It will make me a better husband and father

and uncle... and brother

it will make me a much better minister

because

I will be more real

I am not sure this is all over

but I do know this

whatever ill wind blew my way

the Sacred was able to use for good

thank you my friends

time to go find some kleenex