Moral PTSD

“When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God’s light shines upon you.”

― Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

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sometimes

I need a little Sacred light

sometimes

I need Divine power to shine with in my soul

scrubbing away the darkness

I have made my mistakes

some small

some great

and there are times

in the middle of any normal day

when suddenly I flash back to something said

something done

a decision made

to the face of a person wounded

I think I have moral PTSD

if I have done this to myself

behaving in ways that haunt me

what have I done to others?

there is no way to take back

those words

those behaviors

no way

and so

there are moments when I sit defeated

and bowed

and yet if I am going to free heart, soul, hands

for forgiveness and service

I must wander my way through the flotsam of my life

seeking to find that peace

which can only come from within

I cannot go around the pain

I cannot deny it

For in doing so I deny the reality of my own humanity

my own culpability

but neither can I focus on my errors

for to fail to walk through darkness

and seek the light

is a denial of grace

so I seek as best I can

to fill the cup from the inside

to sip cautiously

or greedily

from that spring of life

that is love

that is forgiveness

that is

Sacred