A living contradiction

Sometimes I come face to face with the fact

That I am a living contradiction

It is surprising how often it happens

that I find I say one thing

believe one thing

but end up living quite a different reality

I believe in generosity

but all too often hug things to myself

I believe in caring and listening

But all too often don’t listen well

at all, at all

Ok, I do care!

but I am not sure anyone would know it

as I hang out inside myself

and find it so very difficult to share what I am feeling

(I seem to have no problem sharing what I am thinking, sadly)

I believe in forgiveness

but when it comes to those I see trampling on the vulnerable

all bets are off

I believe in love

but I can be so angry

and there are people I am coming to hate

I believe the Sacred lives in me

but so often I have very little sense of sacred presence

a living contradiction, no doubt about it

but there are times

when I stop

step away from my brain

and see it all so clearly

a try to let go of those things that are unbeautiful about me

and try to engage, with all my heart, soul, mind and strength

and there are times

that I do