Tired of Waiting

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“We cannot arrive at the perfect possession of God in this life, and that is why we are travelling in darkness. But we already possess Him by grace, and therefore in that sense we have arrived and are dwelling in the light.  But oh! How far have I to go to find You in Whom I have already arrived!”

― Thomas Merton, The Seven Storey Mountain

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Sometimes I feel like I spend my life

living “in between”

 

Between two worlds?

Between “heaven” and “hell”?

Between ignorance and understanding?

Between the beginning and the end?

 

There is always this tension

between what I know to be true

and what I experience as true

between promise

and actuality

 

I am both/and

I am a child of heaven and have feet mired in the ooze

I am loved by the Sacred, and yet often feel so unlovable

God dwells in me, and yet God often feels so distant

 

In grace I have already “arrived”

And yet the destination seems so far away

 

Perhaps the real spiritual task

for me, for all of us,

Is to realize, become awake to that

our connection to God, or rather God’s connection to us

is always changing, evolving

We move from grace to grace, glory to glory

Stumbling all the way

 

The key to growth, to maturation,

to growing up into Jesus,

is not “trying harder.”

It is (as Isaiah would put it),

“waiting”

 

What does it mean to “wait upon the Lord”?

 

I think it means to hope, to trust, to listen, to hear

to reach up, in the midst of our stumbling journey

and find that the hand we sought

childlike

to lead us on

was there, all along

We are not ready, yet

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“A guilty suffering spirit is more open to grace than an apathetic or smug soul.' –

              Edna Hong Bread & Wine (day 5)”

 

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Ah Lent

a time that starts in ashes

and ends in death

 

It is but a momentary suffering

leading to a greater gift

that of release

and life

and hope

 

We enter Lent embracing a journey

that takes us into the valley of death.

We can not find our way to the Garden

any other way

 

A pattern is here

we all can see and grab

 

that sense that all is not ready

we are not ready

to receive

we are not ready

to receive love and hope

 

not because the gift is not ready

but because we have, in the midst of life

gotten immersed in what is not life

or love

or grace

 

We do not act justly

offer mercy, or live as servants of all.

 

Instead, we chase after gods of our own making

And seek dominion rather than sacrifice

Accumulation rather than generosity

 

In Lent, we stop

and listen,

we reflect and go deep within

 

In Lent, we realize there is no room

for spiritual arrogance or smugness

and there is no need

for spiritual despair, no need to abandon hope

 

We realize instead

that the heart opened

receives the gifts

we yearn to receive

 

justice and joy

When your enemy falls

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“Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice”         Proverbs 24:17).

 

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable; it keeps no record of wrongs; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

          I Corinthians

 

“Ignorance and fanaticism is ever busy and needs feeding. Always it is feeding and gloating for more.”

          Clarence Darrow

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Anyone feeling bad for Amber Glen?

For some, the answer was clear.

No!

 

We don’t like her values; she’s just queer.

 

She should have practiced and shut her mouth

Sung the praises of our great leader

And kept silent about brutality and oppression

 

Anyone worried about the pain and terror inflicted by ICE?

Anyone upset about lies spoken and laws broken?

 

No!

 

Because we won

We owned the libs

We have the power

 

And we like it

We not only like it, we rejoice.

 

We delight in the failure of our enemies

We savor their pain

 

For some it is not that easy.  That is not a path we can thoughtlessly take.

We wonder, what do we do with such hate?

With such a disregard for the humanity of others?

When it is our hate and disregard?

 

It is a disturbing thing to see a profound lack of compassion

An inability to see the “other” as a person

 

When others do it, we are appalled

How could they be so uncaring?

 

Amber Glen, Alex Pretti, Renee Good

Fodder for disdain

The immigrant, snatched from his job,

Just someone who stole a “real” American's job.

 

Go ICE go

I hope you lose

 

But what do we do when we are the ones who delight in the pain of others?

 

When we experience the thrill of “their” defeat.

That ICE agent, on his ass on the Ice

The person who, outed for racism, has lost their job.

 

Sometimes it is us, thirsting for the blood of our enemies

 

Am I wrong?

 

We can deflect.  We can say, “Well, they REALLY deserved what they got

They are villains, not victims (unlike us)

And at some level, that might be true.

 

But is there not something about wishing another ill,

About savoring another’s pain

That is

 

Just wrong?

 

When Jesus saw evil, he wept.

When Jesus experienced evil, he forgave.

 

I am unwilling to give evil a free pass

Some people need to be stopped

They need to fail

I can even desire their defeat

 

But what I do next is important

I can rejoice that justice is done,

That karma has struck

 

Does that mean I can erase the person and

simply not care about them? As a person?

 

How will I think about Donald Trump when justice finally comes?

If he goes down hard, I will be glad that the evil has ended

That justice has come

 

I will think about the immigrants, the young girls violated

The people he fired, the programs he destroyed, and

I will rejoice that he has fallen from power

 

I will dance for joy for the planet

 

But then?

It haunts me, the idea that I will be unable to see him,

And so many others,

As people. Who fear and feel pain.

 

I wonder,

What do I lose,

when I lose compassion and empathy?

When I gleefully relegate those I despise

To hell (or whatever other punishment I can envision)?

 

I can justify such a response, can’t I?

Schadenfreude

Especially when I see it as justice

The triumph of good over evil

 

But still I wonder.  What is lost?

Does a piece of “me” go missing?

I don’t have an answer

God, forgive them

I’m not mad at you

Are you OK?

 

Still I wonder

A culture of violence

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… violence is a culture unto itself; it is not something one dons like a hat when dealing with the “enemy” and then gets set aside at the end of the confrontation.  Once violence enters the arena, it creates a culture that is very difficult to eradicate.  In fact, liberation in the true sense also means liberating the “enemy” from its own violence.  This is why nonviolence is often one of the most powerful tools in any resistance movement.

          Mitri Raheb, Faith in the Face of Empire

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It has become an estimable thing,

this oppression

 

Masked warriors

crusading against the enemy

the foreigner

those foul, dangerous denizens who lurk

seeking to destroy the very fabric

of our nation

 

Those dark malevolent purveyors of evil

who eat our pets

and speak in strange tongues

who shred our “traditional” values

(the ones we don’t actually live out ourselves)

 

Those enemies of “our God,”

who worship evil gods who demand

our destruction

those barbarians, poised to destroy

all that we hold dear

empire

 

Violence is necessary

isn’t it

to protect and suppress

armed soldiers in the street

a small price to pay

 

It is justifiable then

when, for the sake of freedom

we erase freedom

when we violently suppress

 

smashed car windows

a death or two

children incarcerated

women thrown face down on the ground

are a small price to pay

 

the random acts of violence

become the norm

the way it is

 

It becomes who we are

open carry

ICE

concentration camps

 

We find that we cannot stop

we cannot get enough

violence becomes our fuel

our security

 

There is no end

lost

are the teachings of peace

 

We mistake coercion and control

with peacemaking

(peace through strength)

 

We count the sins of others

and count those sins against them

meting out justice

 

In our culture of violence, we do not hear

turn the other cheek,

go the second mile,

suffer the children,

bless and do not curse

welcome the strange

These words have become strange

amid the cacophony of domination;

They should obey,

They deserved it,

They are bad, dangerous… evil.

 

We are overcome by violence

and no longer seek to overcome evil

with good

 

their violence becomes

our violence

 

Thank you, God

for those who step into the abyss

in between

 

who put their hearts, souls, and minds

on the line

Alex, Renee

Mothers with whistles

Young and old

 

Peacemakers

Protectors

Insisting that love wins

That we can overcome evil with good

 

These are the ones who dwell in the shadow of the cross

the ones who walk where Jesus walked

down the long path

through a fragmented world

to the garden

 

 

 

In the Face of Empire

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When occupied people face the empire, they generally become so overwhelmed by its power that they start to think that the empire will remain forever and that it has eternal power.  Jesus wanted to tell his people that empire would not last, that empires come and go. When empires collapse and depart it is the poor and the weak who remain…The most dangerous thing for the oppressed and occupied is that at some point they lose faith in themselves, in their ability to change the status quo… The oppressed have to begin thinking what seems to be unthinkable.  They have to know and realize that “yes, we can.”

 

Resistance is action not reaction.  Resistance requires faith, so that it can stop being caught up in the vicious cycle of retaliation that favors the powerful and tries to mirror it.  Faith is nothing less than developing a bold vision of a new reality and mobilizing the needed resources to make it happen.

          Mitri Raheb, Faith in the Face of Empire

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The denizens of power fill the streets, faceless

Armored instruments of oppression

Empire incarnate

 

In the courts, judges bought and sold

distort justice until injustice

flows like a mighty river

 

Victims are victimized yet again

transformed into villains

by their oppressors.

 

In the halls of power, people

who have sold their souls sit

and ponder the imponderable

having lost faith

in love

having abandoned morality

for the sake of convenience

 

At the command of empire

factories spew forth clouds of poison

darkening the sky

until breath is gone

and the planet

gasps for breath

 

Insignificant, marginal

weak

we are overwhelmed

and cede victory

 

What can we do?

Resistance seems futile

counterproductive

violence producing violence

hate producing hate

 

cowed, I sit at my keyboard

fingers stilled

 

There is nothing I can say

nothing I can do

to change the ways things are

 

I am not faithless

but I have no faith

that I, that you, that anyone

has the power to combat a power that seems

unassailable

 

I want to come out fighting

spewing words and hate

carelessly

reactive

 

And yet I know there is no victory

If empire secedes empire

even if it is my empire

 

The promised land is not filled

with the rich and powerful

but by the weak and meek

by the hungry poor

 

who, in love and humility

abandon the ruins of empire

and turn again to the land

 

plowing and planting

hoping for the water of love

to create a harvest

of justice and peace

 

I want to think the unthinkable

that this WILL pass

that I have agency

 

I can change the way things are

I can create a new reality

where dominion is replaced by servanthood

greed by generosity

exclusion by welcome

fear by assurance

hate by love

 

Yes, I can

Yes, we can

 

 

Beyond belief

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We must distinguish between our beliefs and how we live – our operative faith.  Beliefs are ideas in the head, cognitive expressions, maps of the world, our best conceptualizations of how things are, our credos.  Faith is in the gut and the heart; it is trust in action, a disposition to behave as if something were true…

          Sam Keen, HymnsTo An Unknown God

 

Don’t talk of love, show me.

          Eliza Doolittle, My Fair Lady

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The Bible says,

The Creeds insist,

I believe

 

A lot of us, it seems,

Believe

We hold in that somewhat vacuous space in our heads

Notions of a God

 

We might be right,

We might be wrong

But we believe

 

And we hold on to those beliefs tightly

Desperately

As the winds of change buffet us,

As the world threatens to suck us into its maw

And consume us

 

Faith, that is a different thing.

Faith moves beyond our desires and fears

Into the kingdom of trust

 

If we believe in God, but do not trust God

We will be fearful hoarders

We will walk through life defending

Grimly hanging on to things past

Traditions

 

And worse

Entrenched biases

Old patterns that do not work

 

Because belief without faith

Leaves us fearful

 

We are afraid of failure or losing

Worried that we did not do enough

Cannot do enough

Do not have enough

 

Life is trying to follow the rules

And looking over our shoulder at

Retributive people

And a vengeful God

 

But if we have faith, if we trust

That God has this

That God has us

 

We are freed

To catch the joy as it flies

To take risks,

To give, and forgive

To welcome

To love

 

We live faith

Faith is what we do

It is living life forward

 

Living as if

The kingdom is near

Already, almost, here

 

Belief without trust is a burden.

Belief, powered by faith and trust

Is Gospel

 

This is the question we must ask

As we wake and face another day

 

Do I have faith?

Do I trust God enough

To live as though Love wins,

Each and every day?

 

Where is God?

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          The God of the people of Palestine…appeared to be weak compared with other gods. He seemed forever to be on the losing end, just like his people.  This God was almost interchangeable with his people; his weakness was shown in theirs, and their defeat was his.  This God was a loser…in short, this God did not appear to be up to the challenge of the various empires.  His people in Palestine were forced to hear the mocking voices of their neighbors who taunted them, “Where is your God?” (Psalm 42)

          The revelation the people of Palestine received was the ability to spot God where no one else was able to see him.  When his people were driven as slaves into Babylon, they witnessed him accompanying them… When his people were defeated, he was also present.  The salient feature of this God was that he didn’t run away when his people faced their destiny, but remained with them….

          …defeat in the face of empire was not an ultimate defeat; a new beginning was possible.

 

Believing that there is something more powerful than Empire is an important and necessary step to questioning it.

          Mitri Raheb: Faith in the face of Empire

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Where is God?

Where is your God?

 

Is your god the god of Empire

Found in monuments and massive ballrooms

Found in a rising stock market?

In mansions and megachurches

 

Is your god Empire?

Is your god wealth and power

Does your god abide in the halls of power?

 

Is your god the god of the winners

The powerful

Those who have dominion?

 

Or is your God beyond Empire?

Is your God found in unexpected places?

Showing up in unexpected ways??

 

Where has God been found?

 

In a small band of Semitic people who had

No land, no home?

 

In a group of rescued slaves

vacillating and doubtful?

 

In a land not so flowing

With milk and honey

 

An occupied land,

The battlefield of empires?

 

Yes!

 

Where has God been found?

In a squalling child of poverty

An immigrant king

A “domestic terrorist” hanging on a tree?

 

Yes!

 

Where is God now?

Where, if we look, can God be found?

 

God is not in the White House

Or in the halls of Congress

God is not hanging out at the Supreme Court

 

Nor is God to be found at patriotic rallies, replete with

American flags, loud proclamations of divine favor,

and bad music

 

Nor is God found in the masked forces of empire

lurking in the streets, creating havoc and fear

Nor in the copies of the 10 commandments

hanging on classroom walls

 

God is there in the ravaged streets of Minneapolis

In the woman blowing her whistle

In the man wielding only a cell phone

In massed people singing songs of love

 

God is in the abandoned car with the smashed windshield

And in the detention center

filled with battered brown people

 

God is there in that bewildered child

wondering where her father has gone, what has happened to his mother?

 

God is in the blood stains on the pavement.

 

God is in the field where farmworkers toil

In the kitchen of a restaurant

 

God is found serving meals,

repairing roofs,

and caring for the landscapes of mansions

 

God is found in the slaves of Empire

In the least of these

 

God is not where we expect

God is not who we envision

 

But God is

God does not run

But remains

always

 

Can we not see

The lesson today is love

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… religion didn’t create hate, hate found voice in religion

          John Fugelsang

 

The politics of Jesus and the politics of God are that people should be fed, that people have access to life, that people should be treated equally and justly.

          Rev. James Lawson Jr.

 

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The Word of the Lord

The Word of God for the people of God

The Word of the Lord to us

 

Really?

 

There is a reason Jesus asked the question

“Why do you call me Lord, Lord, but do not do what I say?”

 

Or perhaps the better question is

Why do we take the words of the Bible

And use them in a way that violates the very nature of God

As revealed in Jesus

 

Who is, after all

The Word

 

Why do people hear the words from the Word

“Love thy neighbor.”

And immediately ask if their neighbor is “legal.”

 

Nuke, in the movie Bull Durham, reflecting on baseball, says,

"This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains." Think about that for a while.”

 

Jesus, the Word, in reflecting on the jumble of words contained in the Law and the Prophets, said,

“This is a very simple faith.  You love God, you love yourself in a healthy way, and then you go out and love the people around you.  All of them.  Keep it simple.”

 

 

But we human creatures have muddled it up.

 

God says, “Welcome all.”

We say, “You’re welcome, IF.”

 

God says, “It is not about merit, it is about grace.”

We create a merit-based system

 

God says, “Love all.”

We don’t

(well at least I don’t)

 

God says, “I love you.”

We say, “I wonder if I have been good enough for God to love me.”

 

God says, “Feed the hungry, give water to the thirsty, house the homeless, welcome, comfort and take care of the stranger (the way I have welcomed, comforted and taken care of you),” and all too many of us, and an entire political party say, “Mass Deportations Now.”

 

God says, “Suffer the little children to come to me.”

Which means “there is a special place for children in  the heart of God, so draw them close, protect, nurture, teach and love them”

 

And we say “I think it is worth some children (maybe a lot of children) so that we can have the Second Amendment.

And we detain five year olds

And take away SNAP funding

And kill USAID, thus killing (so it is estimated) 500,000 children in one year.

 

Death by neglect

 

Instead of saying “God forgive us” as hate, division and violence swirl

We say “They should have obeyed.” 

And we turn people into “domestic terrorists”

 

It seems as if what God asks of us is simple

But not easy

 

Speaking of children…

 

Jesus also said, “Become like little children, or you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

 

The kingdom will never come,

Until we let God love us, comfort us, feed us, teach us, embrace us

The way the “best parent ever” loves their little child

(That is even hard to imagine, because we have messed parenting up too)

 

And until with the simplicity of a child

We keep it simple

 

And love God, have a healthy love of self, and then o out and love the people around us.  All of them.  

The fire of love

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In the bitter cold

The looming darkness

A fire burns

Flames licking at the tamarack

Reducing it to ashes

 

That is the thing about fire.

It changes

That which it touches

It sears and smelts

 

We draw near the fire, lingering,

But dare not draw too close

We need it, desire it, fear it

 

That which warms and illuminates

Also destroys

 

I think, in the warming cold,

Of Moses, feet frozen to the ground,

Watching the bush that burns, but

Is not consumed

 

That fire drew him in

Irresistible

Transformative

Into the presence of the One who is

undefinable

Into dialogue with Sacred

 

Fire of God

Flickering off the dry branches

Dancing on the heads of dry people

Not devouring, reducing,

 

But inspiring

 

I think too of those fires raging

In dark streets, harbingers of destruction

Signs of violence 

Destroying

 

Fires raging in human souls,

Consuming

Burning away not the dross

But the essence of who we are

 

pushing us away from presence

with the heat of hate and fear

 

May I burn Lord

Not with the fire of hate

Destroying all around me

But with the fire of love

Holy Fire, Angel Fire

 

Fire of God

Fill my ordinary being

With your extraordinary love

 

That through me the flame of

Your love will burn in the darkness

 

May the flame dance within me, proclaiming your presence

May love rage within my soul

Drawing others close so you can touch them

The flames flickering out

 

Setting them on fire

With your love

 

Creating a backfire of love

That extinguishes the fire of hate