the weakness of fear

Force does not work the way its advocates seem to think it does. It does not, for example, reveal to the victim the strength of his adversary. On the contrary, it reveals the weakness, even the panic of his adversary.

                                                   James Baldwin

The so-called paradox of freedom is the argument that freedom in the sense of absence of any constraining control must lead to very great restraint, since it makes the bully free to enslave the meek.

                                                   Karl Popper

The forces of progress clash with those of reaction. The religion of blood and war is face to face with that of peace.”

                                                   Winston Churchill

Authority without wisdom is like a heavy axe without an edge, fitter to bruise than polish

                                                   Anne Bradstreet

_____________________________________________________

this morning my walking

turned to pacing

my pondering turned

into internal ranting

I am tired of the emotional terrorism

of the Nazi flags

of signs bearing the ghost of Auschwitz

Arbeit Mach Frei my ass

of the guns

this soul is wounded by those who

reflecting their own internal weakness

must carry their weapons of intimidation

this heart is driven, bleeding

down the gravel roads

which wind amidst the trees

and towering mountains

I carry all the miseries of human kind

the stark fear of those who know

their frailty cannot resist this virus

the distress of those

who watch their businesses, they dreams, crumpling

I barely know this restless pacing person

for this kind of passion is rare, and

clashes with my carefully cultivated calmness

and yet

the selfishness cuts like a sword through my ease

bringing dis-ease

I cannot simply ignore

I see the shouting faces and I want to shout back

I want those weak souls hiding behind their guns and flags

To just leave

Parts of me want to understand

But parts of me want to not just resist, but rout

Those who wear essential selfishness like armor

My angry heart threatens to overwhelm

My kinder heart

There is no resolution

no safety for the aged and ill

no meaningful resistance to this selfishness

and yet I know

this is not a time to quit

For I can still feel the trembling of the vulnerable

bullied by these who have no compassion

Or understanding

And I want to comfort them, and protect them

And I know

deep in my heart

that my feet must take me down the path

of compassion and empathy

toward acts of kindness

and generosity

to words that comfort rather than harm

I must move to overcome

the weakness of fear

even when that weakness looks like intimidation

with the strength of love

(this will not be easy)

do not overcome evil with evil

we are told

but overcome evil with good

in this time

there is indeed, no other way

the goal is union

May I live this day

Compassionate of heart,

Clear in word,

Gracious in awareness,

Courageous in thought,

Generous in love.

                             JOHN O'DONOHUE

________________________________________________

today O Sacred One

I want to be a saint

I want to be so connected to the sacred

So permeated by Sacred Presence

So permeated with Sacred love

That my whole life becomes and expression of who God is

I become “holy”

Which is, as I understand it, what it means to be a saint

Being a person with an exceptional likeness to Jesu

St. Stephen has such a nice ring to it

so Lord

this day consume me,

be present inside me,

roll

roar

blow

it is time for a non-hostile take over

make yourself so much a part of me

that I cannot tell where you start and “I” end

let us be united

for that is what faith is all about

may we be like lovers

yes, like husband and wife

two becoming one

the mystery of incarnation

of faith

and

life

even life in the time of Covid-19

will take care of itself

crisis is revelatory

When faced with a radical crisis, when the old way of being in the world, of interacting with each other and with the realm of nature doesn't work anymore, when survival is threatened by seemingly insurmountable problems, an individual life-form -- or a species -- will either die or become extinct or rise above the limitations of its condition through an evolutionary leap.”

                                         Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose

“Crisis is what suppressed pain looks like; it always comes to the surface.

                                         Bryant McGill

___________________________________________

there is one thing we can insist on

always

always

a crisis is revelatory

there are many ways of thinking about crisis

John F Kennedy

Grabbing hold of somewhat a creative interpretation

of the Chinese word for crisis

an interpretation probably first found

in a journal for missionaries in China in the 1930s,

framed crisis as opportunity plus threat

the actual meaning of the word is

“danger at the point where things meet”

perhaps we could better say, danger at the point where things collide

we are at a moment where “things” are meeting

where they collide

the past and the future

old ways and new

but more profoundly

at the point where Covid 19 collides with our lives

we are finding other powerful collisions!

between individual rights and freedoms and the common good

between selfishness and selflessness

between compassionate concern for all and a focus on one’s own individual want and needs, with a disregard for others mixed in

and it is at this point that things get revealed

it seems to me that in a crisis, what is at a person’s core

what is in a person’s heart

the health of a person’s soul

the depth of a person’s spiritual

comes to the surface

for good or for ill

we are seeing people make amazing sacrifices for others

being amazingly generous

compassionate

caring

we see people putting their lives on the line for others

their businesses on the line

we see people accepting, finding peace

and living lives of compassion and calm

and we see people

in whom hate an anger have bubbled to the surface

we see the faces of hate screaming into the faces of the police

and into the faces of masked healthcare workers

we see people waving the flags of racism and hate

and carrying instruments of death

threatening

intimidating

it’s a hot mess

what makes the difference?

I think it is what is in the heart

Whatever is in the heart gets released

As crisis breaks the heart open

If a person has compassion and love at their core

If they have allowed the God who is love

Space

Then what comes for in this time

Is compassion and love

A concern for others

If not

If what is at the core is fear

Or hate

Or racism

Or anger

Then what comes to the surface

Is angry tweets

And destructive behaviors

and pain and violence

and intimidation

we important lessons in such times

about ourselves

and about God

One thing I have learned during this time is why Jesus so frequently

told people they had to die to the self

and become people willing to be radically

loving

generous

kind

I know, for myself,

that it is when I can let go of “me”

however imperfectly,

things change

it is when I let go of me

and cling to the Sacred

(as a child clings to a parent during a thunder storm)

That I find peace

That I find calm

Safety

and it is then that good things surface it my life

compassion

and kindness

and a willingness

to work for the common good

so my hope

in this time crisis

is simply this

that what will be revealed in me

is a little sacred presence

and a lot of love

Liminal Times

5 y/o grandson:  I can’t wait for tomorrow!

Mom (my daughter):  What’s tomorrow?

5 y/o grandson:  Saturday! No School!

Mom: Do you have any idea what day it is?

5 y/o grandson:  Of course I don’t

                               #QuarantineLife 

“In the universe, there are things that are known, and things that are unknown, and in between them, there are doors.”

                                                   William Blake

When we find ourselves in liminal space, does it matter whether we are pushed or whether we jump? Either way, we are not where or what we were before, nor do we know how or where we will land in our new reality. We are, as the anthropologist Victor Turner (1920–1983) wrote, betwixt and between. In that space—which is mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual—we are destabilized, disoriented. The old touchstones, habits, and comforts are now past, the future unknown. We only wish such a time to be over. We may be impatient to pass through it quickly, with as little distress as possible, even though that is not likely. . . .

                                                   Sheryl Fullerton (quoted by Rohr, 4/29/20)

_________________________________________________________

Life is vague

Time is blurred

And we are in that liminal space

Between old normal and new normal

Waiting

For something to change

For resolution

We’d be happy if it felt like there were progress

Instead we are just in liminal space

Stuck in between

And it sucks

Really

It does

So we are angry

And scared

And impatient

We want to go to sleep until it’s all over

We want to push our way through

Rush our way through

Mostly we want to “get back” to normal

Which is really sad

Because normal was not all that great

Full of poverty

And racism

And injustice

And inequity

The reality is liminal space is sacred

for in this time

much can happen

this uncomfortable time can be

(with the help of the Spirit)

A time of creativity,

of construction

of deconstruction,

of transformation

so what will we do

with this unwanted gift?

perhaps all we can do

is what the people of Israel did

in that liminal space called the wilderness

follow the Sacred

one day

one step at a time

moving us away from what was

to what will be

to God’s new thing

Love is the constant

I am old enough to remember

Dragnet

And Detective Sargent Joe Friday

And his famous phrase

“Just the facts, ma’am”

Which factually he never said

Only getting as close as

“All we want are the facts, Ma’am”

And now we live in what many call a “post factual” world

Where those entrusted with the truth

Lie

Frequently

And with no apparent compunction

I ran across a poem the other day titled simply

“The Facts of Life”

It was penned by the Irish poet Paidraig O’ Tuama

The facts of life

“that you were born

and you will die

that you will sometimes love enough

and sometimes not

that you will lie

if only to yourself

that you will tire

that you will learn most from the situations

you did not choose…”

the truth is

life is confusing and inconvenient

and life is great

we are messes

and we are beautiful

and if we would embrace the full truth

and live truthfully

we have to be willing to live in a world

where almost everything is

both/and

rather than either/or

and we have to recognize that those

pulling us to extreme positions

the extremists

the ideological and moral terrorists

will usually blur the truth rather than expose it

because when it comes to politics

ideologies

and people

absolutes are usually false

Trump is not, as he insists, blameless and infallible

Neither is he, as some would insist

Always wrong

Right to lifer advocates with their blind extremism

are often false (life deniers)

but they are not totally wrong

we have to take seriously that part of what they believe

that we can embrace

truth is messy

it is contrary to our belief

not back and white

and thus it is challenging

uncomfortable

and really hard to find

The truth is I am not good or bad

I am good and bad

I am not right or wrong

I am right and wrong

I am not smart or stupid

I am smart and (at times) incredibly stupid

We have to learn to live in the ambiguity of most truth

There is only one thing that is always

In its own unique way

True

Only one thing that is unambiguous

And that is Sacred Love

That is God

That is God with us

The one thing we can embrace

Absolutely

Is love

It is the constant

That continues to be truth

In the midst of all the other messy truths

God is not love or hate

God is not love and hate

God is love

And that is a fact

the curse of the autonomous self

Your health is not more important than my liberties

                                         Seen on a car at an “open the country” rally

Unfortunately, for centuries the Christian vision of church was narrowed to what we have today—a preoccupation with very private salvation. Our “personal relationship with Christ” seems to be with a very small notion of Christ. We’ve modeled church after a service station where members attend weekly services to get their faith fix. We’ve commodified the very notion of salvation.

“Individualism has taken away the credibility of the Gospel in the western world because we think we can seek our private freedom - independently of others. But genuine evangelization must move forward on two rails. We must simultaneously evangelize individuals, calling them to freedom, and evangelize institutions, nations, and systems, calling them to conversion.

The West has made an art form of the individual person; it is one of our gifts to civilization, but we have paid a big price for this gift. Because of our over-identification with this autonomous self, we have overemphasized our separateness and uniqueness, leaving us trapped and alone. (Christians, who should know better, usually seek an entirely private notion of salvation instead of their communion with everybody else—which would be “heaven” here and now.)

                                         Richard Rohr (selected readings)

_______________________________________________________________

Moments of trial

Are often moments of change

Many of us struggle with change

Especially change that is profound

The kind of change that forces us to leave behind

things that we treasure

or leave behind our comfort

Especially the kind of change that takes us beyond ourselves

that is one of the things about this virus

it is forcing us to change

to rethink

what is important

to shift patterns of behavior

and ways of thinking

one of the things that is being assailed

is the essential selfishness that has become so much a part of America

these past few years

It is not that it is unimportant to care for the self

We need to do that

And some people are deficit in just this way

They have no boundaries, they are enablers….

But we can only focus on self in the context of community

As I see it, this is the great failure of Christianity today

It has become about “Jesus and me”

and the place of community has been lost

Faith is about my being rescued from my sin

My being protected by God’s love

My finding my way to heaven

My joy

My peace

Me

When in fact Christianity, at its best is all about community

“You are the body of Christ”

Says Paul

A body where everyone is important

Where everyone has a role

Where everyone works together for “the common good”.

The fact is Jesus did not call people to individual salvation alone

He called people to the task of initiating

Of BEING the Kingdom of God

He called people to live together in such a way

That no one was excluded

Neglected

Shamed

Oppressed

Devalued

Minimized

But rather in a way that everyone

Was included

Cherished

Valued

Built up

This time of crisis is reminding us

That all are Children of God

No one is expendable

We cannot throw people away because they are ‘on their last legs”

We cannot behave in ways that endanger others for our own benefit

It’s a razors edge, to be sure

There are no easy answers

Damage lies in every direction

But as we make our choices, we must think of the other

And it is likely

In the divine equation

That another person’s health IS as important as my liberties

Of course it goes much deeper than this

Way past the issues of a virus and sheltering

And this may be one of the things we need to learn from this time

That we cannot continue to support systems

That marginalize people

And exclude people

We must, as followers of Jesus

Work to change those systems

Those institutions

Those priorities

That leave others behind

Health systems

Justice systems

Economic systems

Ethical systems

All must change

For Jesus came not just to save you, or me

But to save all creation

like a child

A child’s mere pencil sketch, is every religion’s best description of God…

                                         Hafiz

__________________________________

What is God like?

It’s confusing you know

Everywhere we look we see adults

Pontificating about God

Today I ran across a guy one twitter

Whose self-description

Was, essentially

“Lover of guns, lover of God”

He was busy propounding that Covid-19

Is the fault of the LBGTQI community and abortion,

Richard Rohr was talking about how God is to be found in the darkness

And yet another was talking about how God is “only light”

Is suspect it is probably true

that, as they say, we create God in our own image

which is to say that the God we embrace

pretty much reflects our priorities and values

We “imprint” God with our stuff

Rather than allowing God to “imprint” us

For me, God and guns do NOT go together

For some, because they are about domination,

And see God as being about domination, they certainly do

So it raises the question about how we grab hold

of the true nature of God.

There is always Jesus, God with us.

If we want to know what God is like, we can look to him

How did Jesus live

How did Jesus love

How did Jesus treat people…..?

But of course, even that gets messy

Because we are pretty God at making Jesus into

Whom we want him to be

Just as we make God into our own creation

I find it interesting

That numerous times in the Bible

the image used for God is a parent

Father

Mother

Mother hen

Daddy

Which makes me think

That we should look at God

Like a child

Not an abused child

Betrayed child

Wounded child

Cowed child

But as a beloved child

Loved child

Perhaps even spoiled child

As a child who feels

Protected

Valued

Cared for

Nurtured

And loved

Above all else, loved

And whatever else we want to bring

Into our process of “defining” God

It must be subjugated to that image of God

As loving adult

Father/mother/grandmother/grandfather/aunt/uncle

That one who loves us

Without strings

That one who is always there

That one whose face lights up when they see us

That one who teaches and guides

That one who forgives

That one who comforts

That one who will do anything for us

Sacrifice anything for us

Give up his/her life for us

That one we can always run to

In joy

And in sorrow

Which is why I expect

That crayon drawing of God

I have

From my little buddy Ryan

Is probably as theologically astute

As those tomes by Pannenberg, Moltmann

Bultmann, Brunner, Barth, Niebhur

That sit gathering dust upon my shelves

That drawing

Of a very round

And jolly God

With a warm smile

And open arms

original blessing

You want this eternal life then it starts with the truth– the naked truth of your original wound and your original beauty and every good and bad thing about you. You have heard it said that water finds it’s lowest point – living water finds your lowest point.

The Living water offered by Jesus Christ finds your lowest point.  It finds your original wound. The thing that you spend so much energy trying to heal through all the insufficient ways – relationships, religion, success, more graduate degrees, more therapy, working out, trying to get your parents to love you more, being a perfect parent because your parents sucked.

                                                   Nadia Bolz-Weber

________________________________________________________

when I was younger

we were taught to talk about Jesus

always

always

from the starting point of sin

There was (do your remember it?)

The Roman road

Which started

“As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one;” (Romans 3:10)

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” (Romans 3:23)

And then moved to consequences

“For the wages of sin is death…” (Romans 6:23a)

You are going to die and fry

And then, finally, got to the good news, the way out

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

Of course you have to say the magic words!

“If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.” (Romans 10:9-10)

No magic words

No good news

This is of course, classic Christianity

And I am not going to argue with it.  It is one way to approach faith

Its not “wrong”, exactly

But I wonder if it is really

Classic Jesus?

For the most part (except with the highly religious)

Jesus did not start his approach to people from the perspective that

They were “sinners”

He started instead

With the recognition that they were the wounded blessed

Which to me feels different

from the deficit cursed

It is not, “you are a hopeless, helpless, miserable sinner”

It is, “you are a wonderful amazing, beautiful mess

You are wounded

And I can bring you peace and healing”

Can you feel the difference in that?

One starts with original sin

The other starts with original blessing

Yes we must recognize that the original blessing

has been impacted by things that have caused it,

and that original divine image that we all bear, to become blurred

but one starts with blessing

I know, I know

It seems like a small point

But to me it is a huge point

That God comes not to rescued warped awful miserable souls

(If they say the right thing)

And give them a pass to heaven

(which they cash in when they die)

But God comes to restore in us our original blessing

God/Jesus/Holy Spirit (think Trinity)

Comes to remind us who we are

To restore to us our original blessing

our likeness to God

our Sacred nature

If you “think Genesis”

The story does not start with the fall

It starts with creation, where “it was good”

Original blessing!

The bible talks about this how the original blessing is restored

By using a lot of different images

But one of the most powerful, is that of water

Water in the wilderness

Rivers in the Desert

Living water, welling up like a spring

The amazing thing is that this water

Flows to our lowest point

To that place of wounding

But that is also the place of our creation

That is the starting point

Where we were wounded,

And where we started to forget who we are

But that is also the place where we can once again

Discover and be who we are created to be

A Child of God

A bearer of the divine image

A person of compassion

And generosity

And love

the water comes

the love comes

the grace comes

to us at that place where we are most thirsty

and as we gratefully guzzle

we are refreshed and renewed

and the water keeps coming

and coming, and coming

a spring welling up

a spring that never runs dry

Not “just” giving us a pathway

Back to God when we die

But giving us a pathway back to our original blessing

So that we become new

And do life a different way

now

change

“Desperation is the raw material of drastic change. Only those who can leave behind everything they have ever believed in can hope to escape. ”

                      William S. Burroughs

“When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

                      Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

___________________________

we sit in our homes

some of us

sheltering in place

hoping it will all go away, and life can return to normal

we protest in the streets

some of us

howling at the injustice of it all

wanting simply to go back to the way things were

this is one of those times

when the world has been turned upside down

and there is that lingering fear for some

and lingering hope for others

that this is indeed “the end of the world as we know it”

this is not the first time humanity

has reached a moment of discontinuity

when an intrusion so powerful occurred

that life shifted

the Bible is full of such stories

The Garden of Eden

The tower of Babel

The Flood

The Exodus

The Exile

The Incarnation

Easter

Pentecost

and what is revealing about these moments

is how all of these moments of change

of transition

are times of both suffering and hope

are times of resistance and acceptance

it seems that change does not come easily

left to ourselves we often would simply

not change

in our comfort

even in our discontent

we often resist those transitions that would move us forward

toward newness

which is why change so often comes

through times of turmoil

and pain

and suffering

we have to be dragged

kicking and screaming

into that place where we want to change

where we accept the need to change

and even then

even we begin the trek to the new land

we waver

howling in the desert

like the people of Israel

newly freed

“we wanna go back!”

but we can’t go back

the land flowing with milk and honey lies ahead

through the wilderness

through the wasteland

the way forward

will take time

our “40 years”

it will take leaving behind terrible things

and leaving behind precious things

it will demand our acceptance

of new realities

new priorities

old and new values

and we will not like it

we might well hate it

but we must embrace it

and it will be

in the end

Good News

A magnificent defeat

I love the words of Sonya Renee Taylor

Who wrote on Instagram

“I feel like the bearer of news that sounds awful but actually is not.

We will not go back to normal.

Normal never was.

Our pre-corona existence was not normal

other than we normalized greed,

inequity,

exhaustion,

depletion,

extraction,

disconnection, confusion,

rage, hoarding, hate and lack.

we should not long to return my friends.

we are being given the opportunity to stitch a new garment.

One that fits all of humanity and nature”

This is a time of anguish

This is a time of discontent

This is a time of desperation

This is a time to let go

This is a time to embrace

This is a time of hope

This is a time for “God’s New Thing”

Get angry

What do you do with the mad you feel (when you feel so mad you can bite?)

                                         Fred Rogers (Song title)

Anger is good and very necessary to protect the appropriate boundaries of self and others. I would much sooner live with a person who is free to get fully angry, and also free to move beyond that same anger, than with a negative person who is hard-wired with resentments and preexisting judgements. Their anger is so well hidden and denied—even from themselves—that it never comes up for the fresh air of love, conversation, and needed forgiveness

                                         Richard Rohr

_____________________________________________

what do we do with anger?

more specifically, I guess, what do I do with my anger

for there is no question that there are things which anger me

what do I do with that simmering cauldron of crap

roiling around in my soul

raising my blood pressure

causing me to walk a “second mile” on my walks

(to calm down)

making me judgmental

and harsh

I’ve noticed an interesting thing about my anger

I usually put a face to it

It usually focuses on a person

On Mr. Trump (often)

On foolish people with banners and flags, spreading a virus during a pandemic

On the greedy wealthy, who never have enough

But the reality is, I am angry at a behavior

the real issue is

the lie

the endangerment of others

the oppression of the poor

the suppression of justice

I am angry at the product of those behaviors

People being mislead

Poverty

Inequity

Hungry

Homelessness

Injustice

And I should be!!!

But this reminds me that the first thing I have to do with my anger

Is separate the behavior from the person

This is not easy

Because some people seem to be evil incarnate

The behavior seems to be innate, and woven into the fabric of their being

But still, I think this was part of the genius of Jesus

he could always separate the person from the behavior

and he could separate the person from all those other adjectives we use

to define others

including black

brown

female

male

gay

lesbian

cis

alcoholic

addicted

mentally ill

Jesus saw people

he saw through all the crap

to the heart

and although, I think at times he wept

at what he saw

I think he also saw that vague hint of sacred

that by design

cannot be totally eradicated, in anyone

I find I cannot, sometimes, find that spark

but I think I am called to try, called to try and see

the “created to be” person, hidden in

that person in whom the divine image is so blurred

I also think I am called to try and translate my anger into

Something other than anger

It is OK to be angry

Something are “anger worthy”

But I can’t hold the anger

It will eat me up

I can’t nurture it in my soul

For it will crowd out the Sacred

But I can express it in ways that are

Hopefully

transformational

I can translate my anger over the greed of the 1%

Into generosity, and give to worthy causes

I can translate my anger over those protesting in the streets

those manipulated (frankly) by others and their own fear,

into encouragement (not shaming) of others,

helping them to stay safe

I can translate my concern over the agenda of this President

into acts of compassion and kindness

and I can find candidates whose priorities are Godly,

and vote

What I can’t do

is allow my anger

to pull me into the kind of behaviors

that make me angry

This day,

Get angry

Feel it

Own it

And then express it

Not as pure anger

But as transformed anger

As activism

As love

let your soul birth light

It is not possible to complete yourself without sorrow

Sorrow is a vital ingredient that shapes the heart and enriches it

So endure the sadness the best you can, when its season comes.

The fain that can fall from your eye brings life to a field

and on other days when you laugh, a sun takes birth

in a sky you will someday know.

See how all the elements are inside of you.

See how your soul births light.

                                         Hafiz

__________________________________________

it is a necessary sorrow

that sorrow that comes into our souls

we need to learn to grieve

we need to learn to sit with the grief

to let it sink into our bones

and become woven into our being

if we do not learn to grieve

if we cannot sit with sorrow

then were are incomplete

and must always be fighting

denying

not just the sorrow

and its cause

but our very self

how true is it

that we are always sorrow denying

and in our intense protests

also denying joy

for our protests are fermented

in anger

and the places we travel

as we scurry away

like the nocturnal beasts we sometimes are

are dark and often fetid

and we do not hide

merely from the sorrow, but also the joy

not merely from the darkness but the light

this is a time to embrace the sorrow

of lives disrupted

of dreams thwarted

of businesses closed

this is a time to embrace, above all

the sorrow of distancing

and the pain of death

let the tears flow

let us enter into this sorrow fully

watering our souls

growing empathy and compassion

patience and selflessness

so that when the tears stop

and the joy comes,

when the season of joy once again arrives,

we dance in the sunlight

lighter, brighter

we emerge kinder

more aware

more open

more generous

better

birthing light

It's Raining! Yup!

Today I am thinking about acceptance

Sometimes it is hard to explain acceptance

For me acceptance means, simply,

holding space for the things that come along

But not holding on to the things that come along

It means noticing thoughts and feelings

And even, perhaps, certain realities

But not fusing with those things

Not being trapped by them

Driven by them

Controlled by them

Defined by them

The alternative to acceptance is pain

Not just pain, but what some call “sticky pain”

We have the thought

We have the feeling

We experience the event

And instead of noticing that thought, or feeling

We grab hold of it

We gnaw on it, masticate it

Swallow it

Digest and absorb it

We participate in kind of a dark “reverse” communion

That instead of filling, empties

And this causes pain

Because now we have the thought and the feeling

Plus

All the stuff that has come up

Plus

All the patterned avoidance behaviors that make things worse

Pain has created pain has created pain

Covid-19 comes along, with all of its ramifications

And as we think about this virus

Stuff comes up

Fear perhaps

Or anger

And so many thoughts

I wonder if I am going to die?

I can’t survive without my job!

I am going to lose everything!

People are going to forget me, and I’ll be all alone!

and so the bad times roll and

we go from feeling to feeling

from thought to thought

nobody misses me

nobody care about me

I am expendable

I am worthless

I am not enough

Stick pain

The original pain of the virus, and our current situation

Plus

All the things we have now added to that pain

Acceptance takes us down a different path

We notice all that stuff that comes up

But we don’t fuse with it

We label it, yes

“I am feeling afraid”

“I am feeling worthless”

And we accept it for what it is

A normal human feeling that comes up in times like these

“Hey, I am having a human experience”

And then we let go

Not an easy task

I remember reading a quote for Ann Landers who said

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”

We let go, not in the sense of trying to drive the feeling away

Because that just leads us to patterned avoidance behaviors

That often don’t work

Behaviors like isolation

Or drinking

Or even behaviors like joining a foolish

And semi-violent protest over “sheltering”

But we let go in the sense of noticing the feeling

The thought

Accepting that it is there

Offering ourselves some self-compassion for the presence

Of the pain

Then putting it aside and moving on

If we have allowed the stick pain to drive our lives

We notice that it has taken over the driver’s seat,

And he kick it out!

We may not be able to kick it off the bus (so to speak)

But we can send it to the rear!

And then we do what we care about

We go toward who and what is important to us.

Oh, it’s another Covid19 day

I notice, I am feeling anxious, and sad

I notice that I am worried about my finances

About my health

I notice that what I want to do is obsess

And check the “numbers” every five minutes

I notice that I want to take out my anger on those around me

I notice that I want to “use”

I notice that I want to isolate

I notice my thoughts

I accept my feelings

And then I do what I care about

I move toward what I value

I value people

So I will make some phone calls to friends

I value creativity, so I will practice the piano, or guitar

Or bagpipes! (be careful with that one)

I value peace, so I will spend some time doing deep breathing

And I will go to an open place (where I am allowed to be)

And I will do a walking meditation

Noticing the “gifts” and “treasures” along the way

The baby calf

The hawk hovering on the wind

The sunrise, burning golden red

The fact is we cannot avoid the pain of illness

Or pandemics

Or lost jobs

Or threatened businesses

But we can keep that pain from being sticky

We can move to acceptance

“IT’S RAINING!!!!!!”  “Yup”

Hope comes from within

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul

And sings the tune without the words

And never stops at all.

                                         Emily Dickinson

The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.

                                         J.R.R. Tolkien

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see

                                         Hebrews 11:1

____________________________________________

they came in herds

their cars blocking city streets

cutting people off from care

they came waving flags of hate

flags illustrating cult-like allegiance

they came carrying guns

they came screaming

faces angry

why did they come?

was it really about “freedoms” or the “economy”

or was the driving force really

hopelessness?

and these acts

a rebellion

against an insidious and invisible power,

that holds them fast in a painful and deadly grip?

Perhaps they were driven by a need to do something

anything

to fight back against their grief and fear

it maybe they are not all that different after all

from those who huddle in their homes

and scurry to the store, masked and cautious

perhaps they are us

all of us

our souls screaming against this violation of

health, and joy, and hope

how can we have hope against this grim reaper

who stalks our nursing home

and plucks off the old and vulnerable?

how do we survive this?

I have been thinking about hope a lot lately

as I see our world, our country

struggle with malevolent forces

with not just this virus

but all those viruses of the soul

greed

a lust for power

dishonesty

hate

it is a ugly time

a cringe worthy time

that drives us into hopeless

as evil prospers

but still, in spite of it all, there is hope

that thing that perches in the soul and sings

that mystical reality that rises in our souls

as persistently as the sun rises above the horizon each

morning, and scatters the darkness

the thing about hope

I am coming to understand

(alas I am a slow learner)

is that it is not tied to external things

it is not even about a good outcome, at least not in the “here and now”

it is mystical

and lives a life of its own

and it has to do with presence

that presence deep within us

at the center of who we are

at our course

of something, someone

good, loving, kind, generous

the presence of one who holds us

gently

hope comes from within

from that inner Sacred presence

that means that no matter what happens around us

we are never alone

never unloved

and hope gives us a different place to live from

when we hope, we live hope

we live love

we live peace

we live kindness

and when we live hope

we give hope

and hope does not disappoint (Romans 5:5)