Why not now

Presbyterian Bloggers

Powered By Ringsurf

One minute you are yelling “No, it can’t be this way!” and then you are whispering, “Why?  Why must it be this way?”  That why – the prayer of lament – is the prayer you offer on the longest night of the year…

 

It acknowledges, “I don’t have an answer, but still dares to hope there is an answer, so it asks.

          Brian McLaren

___________________________

 

I don’t have an answer.

Perhaps there is no good answer.

 

We don’t like that answer, and so we get creative.

 

God knows

God only knows

There is a bigger purpose we can’t see

God is working God’s purposes out as year succeeds to year

 

Maybe

Or maybe not

 

I don’t understand cancer

Or Donald Trump and his wrecking crew

I don’t understand why people can cheer a cruel, hate-filled man

And thus cheer hate and cruelty

 

I don’t understand why God would let bad people flourish

And put their picture on money

And let beautiful, innocent people suffer

 

Why God would allow bombs to fall

And missiles to fly

And people to starve

And children to die

 

Why?

 

Maybe we are just out here,

On this decaying planet on our own

Making bad choices

And wandering toward a bad end

 

Maybe it is about free will (seems like a stupid idea)

 

Why?

Is it ridiculous to hope for an answer?

To believe that someday love will win?

 

Maybe someday, Trump will wake up and feel a momentary pang of compassion

Maybe someday a CEO will suggest that a slight increase in the profit margin

It is not worth the destruction of the planet

And that bigoted white supremacists will call a black man his brother

And mean it

And that ICE officer will look in the mirror and see what he or she has become,

And resign

 

Maybe

 

Why do I still dare hope?

Because I see something sacred in most (I wish I could say all)

People I meet

 

That spark of the divine

It is there!

Because I watch people do random acts of kindness

And march on No King's Day

And give to the food bank

And help their neighbor

 

Because I see love and joy

Blossom in the most unlikely places

 

Sometimes I think it is true

That life sucks, and then you die

 

But sometimes I know better

And simply ask why

Why not now!

 

Today would be a good day

For love to win

Shaking a fist at God

Presbyterian Bloggers

Powered By Ringsurf

I aspire to faith

I aspire to confidence

 

I do not want to join the throng that says

There is no God

 

But there are times when my aspiration turns into

Resignation

Perhaps despair

 

There are mornings when I wake up soul-hungry

Wanting nothing more than to curl up

Fetal

 

Wanting nothing more than to raise my fists

And scream at God

 

The disappointment and anger

Hot

Boiling over

 

At the lies, the manipulations

The injustice

At the torrent of evil that flows from people

 

People who, if I am honest, I see as evil

Who, if I am honest, I hate

 

(is it wrong to hate evil?)

 

I rage not because I don’t think God is there

I rage because I believe there is a God willing to be raged at

 

A God who seems to have failed

The poor

The immigrant

The children, buried in rubble in Gaza, and Lebanon, and Iran

The victims of greed and hate

 

I guess it is better to raise my voice to the heavens

Then to sit in stolid silence

Frigid and silent

In the face of evil

 

Better to believe there is a God who cares

Who can heal and reconcile

Who can make them better

Who can make me better

Even if at times that God seems silent.

 

I cannot accept the God of MAGA

The God of the Evangelicals

Who have turned the good news into bad news

 

“God loves me and hates you” is not good news

 

I cannot accept the God who guides missiles to kill children

And destroys civilizations

 

Whose fault is it

That God seems so hidden and distant?

Some would say it is all my fault

I haven’t “surrendered.”

I am too proud

I have too little faith

 

Perhaps

I will not let go of God

But neither will I let go of my questions

I will not allow shallow, unsatisfying answers

To be my opiate

 

So here I sit

Refusing to accept what is happening

Seeking a God I often cannot find

Shaking my fist at heaven, not because I do not believe,  but because I do

Gentleness requires courage

Presbyterian Bloggers

Powered By Ringsurf

Violent emotions are not sustainable long-term sources of energy for the struggle. True gentleness is not an absence of anger, but a transformation of anger from the impulse to harm into an unconquerable will to protect and endure.

 

Gentleness is not the willingness to ignore abuse, but a powerful balance that prevents us from being involuntarily triggered and drawn off course. Gentleness is anger brought completely in harness to our highest values. When we are truly gentle, our power cannot be triggered by fate, nor manipulated by others.

 

Gentleness requires more courage than does violence and demands constant training as intense as that for any battle. Gentleness is not a hiding place from life, but a fortress of peace lying beyond the reach of any indignity from fate or foe. To be truly gentle does not mean to leave the struggle for a better world. Gentleness is the art of living in the eye of life’s storms. True gentleness simply means to be in full possession of our own hearts.

                     Jim Rigby

___________________________________

 

They simmer and fester

Deep in the soul

 

The anger, dare I say hate?

Those emotions that are both violent and lead to violence.

 

There is energy there

Fire

And the pressure builds

Until we act out, our emotions making our choices

rather than our brains

 

We are in the territory of demons

What else can we call them

These malign thoughts

This foul presence

 

The feelings are not unfounded.

The greed is real

So are the abuses of power, and the lies

The harm is real

People are oppressed, and freedom is stolen

Children are killed

 

People in power do evil things,

And do not care (do you?)

 

How can we not be mad!  How can we not respond with every fiber of our being?

How can we not resist, violently, angrily!

 

And yet we live in the shadow of the cross

Or perhaps, on this day, the firing squad

 

And the words of Jesus echo:

Forgive them

Today you will be with me in paradise

Mother, behold your son

Behold your mother

 

On that day, in the midst of the pain and brutality

The injustice

There was peace

A peace that was beyond understanding

 

There was gentleness

 

Just as violence emerges from hate

So gentleness emerges from peace,

 

And peace

Comes because the Lord is near (Philippians)

 

It is peace that guards our hearts and our minds

Peace that makes us

Healers

And the carriers of hope

 

There are too many days when I am not peace-filled

Too many days when my soil is roiled

Too many days when what oozes from my soul are not

The fruits of the Spirit

But the produce of the Flesh

 

I don’t want to be like that

I don’t want to be tossed around by the winds of hate

I don’t want to be manipulated by the likes of Donald Trump

 

I want to be gentle, kind, forgiving

A healer

 

I know I cannot ignore evil.

I cannot step back into silent places of safety

But I can be controlled by love

I can let Jesus have possession of my heart

 

And I can be a safe place

In the midst of the storm

 

And that, that

Is what I want to be