Tired of Waiting

Presbyterian Bloggers

Powered By Ringsurf

“We cannot arrive at the perfect possession of God in this life, and that is why we are travelling in darkness. But we already possess Him by grace, and therefore in that sense we have arrived and are dwelling in the light.  But oh! How far have I to go to find You in Whom I have already arrived!”

― Thomas Merton, The Seven Storey Mountain

_______________________________________________________________

 

Sometimes I feel like I spend my life

living “in between”

 

Between two worlds?

Between “heaven” and “hell”?

Between ignorance and understanding?

Between the beginning and the end?

 

There is always this tension

between what I know to be true

and what I experience as true

between promise

and actuality

 

I am both/and

I am a child of heaven and have feet mired in the ooze

I am loved by the Sacred, and yet often feel so unlovable

God dwells in me, and yet God often feels so distant

 

In grace I have already “arrived”

And yet the destination seems so far away

 

Perhaps the real spiritual task

for me, for all of us,

Is to realize, become awake to that

our connection to God, or rather God’s connection to us

is always changing, evolving

We move from grace to grace, glory to glory

Stumbling all the way

 

The key to growth, to maturation,

to growing up into Jesus,

is not “trying harder.”

It is (as Isaiah would put it),

“waiting”

 

What does it mean to “wait upon the Lord”?

 

I think it means to hope, to trust, to listen, to hear

to reach up, in the midst of our stumbling journey

and find that the hand we sought

childlike

to lead us on

was there, all along

We are not ready, yet

Presbyterian Bloggers

Powered By Ringsurf

“A guilty suffering spirit is more open to grace than an apathetic or smug soul.' –

              Edna Hong Bread & Wine (day 5)”

 

_______________________________________________________

 

Ah Lent

a time that starts in ashes

and ends in death

 

It is but a momentary suffering

leading to a greater gift

that of release

and life

and hope

 

We enter Lent embracing a journey

that takes us into the valley of death.

We can not find our way to the Garden

any other way

 

A pattern is here

we all can see and grab

 

that sense that all is not ready

we are not ready

to receive

we are not ready

to receive love and hope

 

not because the gift is not ready

but because we have, in the midst of life

gotten immersed in what is not life

or love

or grace

 

We do not act justly

offer mercy, or live as servants of all.

 

Instead, we chase after gods of our own making

And seek dominion rather than sacrifice

Accumulation rather than generosity

 

In Lent, we stop

and listen,

we reflect and go deep within

 

In Lent, we realize there is no room

for spiritual arrogance or smugness

and there is no need

for spiritual despair, no need to abandon hope

 

We realize instead

that the heart opened

receives the gifts

we yearn to receive

 

justice and joy

When your enemy falls

Presbyterian Bloggers

Powered By Ringsurf

“Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice”         Proverbs 24:17).

 

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable; it keeps no record of wrongs; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

          I Corinthians

 

“Ignorance and fanaticism is ever busy and needs feeding. Always it is feeding and gloating for more.”

          Clarence Darrow

__________________________________

 

Anyone feeling bad for Amber Glen?

For some, the answer was clear.

No!

 

We don’t like her values; she’s just queer.

 

She should have practiced and shut her mouth

Sung the praises of our great leader

And kept silent about brutality and oppression

 

Anyone worried about the pain and terror inflicted by ICE?

Anyone upset about lies spoken and laws broken?

 

No!

 

Because we won

We owned the libs

We have the power

 

And we like it

We not only like it, we rejoice.

 

We delight in the failure of our enemies

We savor their pain

 

For some it is not that easy.  That is not a path we can thoughtlessly take.

We wonder, what do we do with such hate?

With such a disregard for the humanity of others?

When it is our hate and disregard?

 

It is a disturbing thing to see a profound lack of compassion

An inability to see the “other” as a person

 

When others do it, we are appalled

How could they be so uncaring?

 

Amber Glen, Alex Pretti, Renee Good

Fodder for disdain

The immigrant, snatched from his job,

Just someone who stole a “real” American's job.

 

Go ICE go

I hope you lose

 

But what do we do when we are the ones who delight in the pain of others?

 

When we experience the thrill of “their” defeat.

That ICE agent, on his ass on the Ice

The person who, outed for racism, has lost their job.

 

Sometimes it is us, thirsting for the blood of our enemies

 

Am I wrong?

 

We can deflect.  We can say, “Well, they REALLY deserved what they got

They are villains, not victims (unlike us)

And at some level, that might be true.

 

But is there not something about wishing another ill,

About savoring another’s pain

That is

 

Just wrong?

 

When Jesus saw evil, he wept.

When Jesus experienced evil, he forgave.

 

I am unwilling to give evil a free pass

Some people need to be stopped

They need to fail

I can even desire their defeat

 

But what I do next is important

I can rejoice that justice is done,

That karma has struck

 

Does that mean I can erase the person and

simply not care about them? As a person?

 

How will I think about Donald Trump when justice finally comes?

If he goes down hard, I will be glad that the evil has ended

That justice has come

 

I will think about the immigrants, the young girls violated

The people he fired, the programs he destroyed, and

I will rejoice that he has fallen from power

 

I will dance for joy for the planet

 

But then?

It haunts me, the idea that I will be unable to see him,

And so many others,

As people. Who fear and feel pain.

 

I wonder,

What do I lose,

when I lose compassion and empathy?

When I gleefully relegate those I despise

To hell (or whatever other punishment I can envision)?

 

I can justify such a response, can’t I?

Schadenfreude

Especially when I see it as justice

The triumph of good over evil

 

But still I wonder.  What is lost?

Does a piece of “me” go missing?

I don’t have an answer

God, forgive them

I’m not mad at you

Are you OK?

 

Still I wonder