Forgiveness
I heard somewhere that there are three types of
forgiveness
exoneration,
forbearance and release
when we exonerate another we wipe the slate clean
and start over
perhaps we see the person truly just made a mistake,
or perhaps was too young to understand
or, perhaps, we sense true repentance
and so we wipe the slate clean and start over
with forbearance, there is still caution
we “forgive” but don’t “forget”
we don’t quite trust?
Perhaps the other hasn’t really acknowledged the pain
they have created
or excuses it
we stay in the relationship, and we function “normally”
with this person
but…
and then there is release
Release does not exonerate the offender.
Nor does it require forbearance.
It doesn’t even
demand that we continue the relationship.
But it does ask that we stop defining our life in terms
of the hurt done
We let go of our preoccupation with the hurt, with the
event, the person
Release does something is that is critically important:
it allows us to let go of a painful, heavy burden
that keeps us from joy, hope, that keeps us from moving
forward
It is a refusal to let those who have hurt us live
rent-free in our minds
I struggle with forgiveness
I struggle to forgive those I think are truly (for lack
of a better word) evil
To forgive those who abuse, and harm others
To forgive those who are predators, and abusers
What do I do with those people who beat up their
children?
Or pack a gun into a school and kill innocent people, including
little ones?
Or fly a plane into a building?
Or lie about elections and
destroy our democracy?
(I struggle to forgive myself
too, but that is another story for another day)
It doesn’t matter if the harm
is to one or many
I struggle to forgive such
people
In part because forgiveness of
such people feels like enabling
Like I am simply say, treat us
like $hit and we’ll totally forgive you…
So keep doing it!
I don’t really want to be a
holy doormat
and yet there it is
in this faith system I embrace
forgive
forgive 70 X 7
turn the other cheek
love your enemy pray for those
who persecute you
and then there are those
haunting words from the cross
Father forgive them
the problem is that retaliation
doesn’t work
not really
you attack me, I attack you
you hurt me, I hurt you
there might be a certain
satisfaction in retaliation and retribution
but the sad reality is there
hate leads to hate, violence to
violence
and in the end, if we can’t
really harm those who harmed us
we harm ourselves, and those we
love
in the end, without forgiveness
we become what we hate, we
become like the one who harmed us
Jesus went around cutting
people loose from their pasts
Their sins
In doing so he offered them the
freedom to step away from whatever it was
That was hurting them and
others
He was giving them a chance to
live life a new way.
We can’t bind people to their
pasts with unforgiveness
We can’t bind ourselves to evil
with unforgiveness
Or hate and bitterness will metastasize
in our souls
we have to let go
how we do that without
enabling?
that is when it gets complicated
Jesus did it by putting
himself, his body, his life on the line
he stood between us and evil
between us and hell
and he stands between us and the
hells of our own making
what does it mean to offer
forgiveness
and yet stand in the gap
between evil and those evil would harm?
it means, I suspect to protect
perhaps to help the abused
spouse to leave and find safety
and to face the abuser with
firmness (you will not do this again)
but also with love (I believe
you can be better than this)
I have no complete answer
Some will think these words
mere drivel
Some will see them as foolish accommodation
Some will be affronted and will
quickly point out that one has “do something”
Ah, the foolishness of the
cross
Jesus has given us a model of
how to combat evil
It is a rough road, asking us
to stand up against evil
While at the same time not
giving evil power within ourselves
Asking us to reject harm,
without rejecting the “other”
I can’t do it (at least not
well)
Perhaps I can only echo the
words of Jesus
“God, Sacred One, you forgive
them”
(and I’ll do my best to follow
along)
