Pádraig Ó Tuama has a wonderful poem about Peter
poor Peter, wallowing in his grief
and sense of inadequacy
there on the shore of the sea
aimlessly fishing
Peter, sitting by the fire
his love questioned
not because the questioner did not know,
but because the questioned needed to know
do I love him
more than fish, a campfire
the old normal
Peter, weeping
Lamenting
“I
drank from miraculous new waters and then
I
faltered while the devil sauntered downtown.
I am
the pebble in your crown.
Jerusalem’s
new clown.
I’ve
let you down,
I’ve
let you down,
I’ve
let you down,
I’ve
left me damnwell down
Jesus,
you know everything I said,
And
then I wept.
‘Are
we beyond all this?
can
we move on?’ he said…
‘can
we move on?’ he said…
and
let’s move on, ‘ he said to me” (Ó Tuama)
Ah, beloved
how many times have I let you down
have I let me down
have I let those I love and serve down?
How many times have I denied
through my thoughts, words, and deeds
love
your love
that passes all understanding
that is poured out on all people
all creation?
How many times have I spoken in anger
slipped into hate, wandered into resentment
how many times have I failed to remember
that you love me
in spite of it all?
More than three,
that is for damn sure
Jesus, do not let me linger
in the place of guilt, shame, and lament
it is time to embrace
forgiveness
and move on
not the same, never the same
not to mindlessly wander down the same paths
and end up back in the same place
by the same campfire
eating the same fish
it is time to move on
bearing witness to your love
for me, for them, for all
in my little town
my poor country
to the ends of creation…
because you love me
and I love you
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