You are "flawsome"

In a recent work shop a therapist, talking to a client (in a videotaped encounter) was talking with a person about their struggles with negative self-talk.  The therapist was working on getting the person to reframe and focus on the positive.  One the good things about him, and the good things he could do.  He did not ask the person to deny that he has problems and weaknesses, just want the man to know that those parts of him that were not perfect did not define him.   Somewhere in the sequence he said something along the line of.  “Perhaps you ought to think of yourself as “Flawsome”  I love that.  We are all “flawsome”.  Wonderful amazing mixture of good and bad, strong and weak, effective and in effective.  We when the negative thoughts come our way we do not have to pick them up, and carry them.  We can notice them, and then (not denying them) refuse to give those thoughts our energy, and turn instead to our strengths, and put our energy into actions that support the things we value.  Family! The Sacred. Justice. Beauty.  The earth.

they filter through my head all the time

those thoughts that say,

“you are not enough”

“you are a failure”

“nobody likes you”

“you screwed up again”

(in frustration I made a comment to someone the last night

 and ended up looking like a jerk.  I carried that one comment with me all night)

but it is time for that to STOP

for such thinking does not serve us

it does not work

instead it feeds everything painful in us

it diminishes us, freezes us,

ultimate defines us

and we find ourselves choking on the bitter taste of self loathing

it is time my friends

for all of us (me included) to practice self loving rather than self hating

it is time to learn to love the whole self… accept the whole self

are there things about me that are not wonderful?

yes

the list is long

are there things about me that are amazing and good

yes

the list is long

I suspect the same is true for each of you

where will we put our energy?

We can put my energy on the negative

Always worrying about it, always trying to “fix it”

but does that work?

do we feel “good” when we battle things that do not seem to change

when we spend all our energy fighting our anxiety or depression, or self-loathing

how often does it totally go away?

the key, or so many thinkers now believe, to having a better life

is to spend one’s life figuring out what counts,

and then working in positive ways to support one’s values

it is not that we deny what we struggle with, that takes energy

it does not mean that at some level we do not work to address the things that haunt us,

our anxiety, or depression, our failure

but we cannot let those things dominate us

we cannot let the act of pushing those things away become our entire life

it is that we notice them

and then turn, refusing to let them dominate our lives,

refusing to let them suck out all of our energy,

and put our e energy into what is good

if our value is family, we turn toward our family and act

to support and build our family

if our value is serving, we find an opportunity to volunteer

we find a solution to our problems that actually works

rather than getting caught up in a cycle of coping mechanisms that ultimately don’t work

this is too complex a concept to address in a blog (sorry),

but I guess I just wanted to say to all my fellow strugglers

you, I, we are all

flawsome!

Believe it!

Live it!