Sunday, December 3, 2017
How well did I love?
In the end
these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you live?
How deeply did you let go?”
― Jack Kornfield, Buddha's Little Instruction Book
which in my 66th year haunt me
how well did I love?
I am good at doing things for others
Connecting, building that bridge between myself an another?
Not so good I fear
How fully did I live!
Well I have had at least 4 amazing careers
Disaster relief worker,
Fund raising executive
Medical school profession
Executive Director of a mental health program
I have traveled, a lot
Been to around 70 plus countries
I have had amazing experiences
Done volunteer work with the poorest of the poor, both abroad and at home
Helped develop a primary care delivery system for health care in Azerbaijan
Hiked into wild places
Taken a few risks
Worked on archeological digs in Israel
But that is doing
And so the questions still haunt me
How well have I let go!?
I have had a life full of great moments
Full of bad moments
Full of success
Full of humiliation
I have done things I am proud of
And this I despise
I have things I care with me, that I think about myself, that empower me
And thoughts that drive me into dark places
Yet I know that what counts is this moment
And what is important is the next choice I make
And I know I am free to make good choices
The right choices
When the stores of my life no longer bind me
When I can step away from them, observe them, learn from them
The more I carry with me
It might be my sense of self, male, white, smart, impulsive, disorganized, parent, loner
It may be the memory of things done and undone
But the more I carry with me
The less free I am
To move toward what I truly value
Toward the true self