Primitive religion is not believed, it is danced!

Arthur Darby Nock

Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
And only he who sees takes off his shoes;
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.

Elizabeth Browning

Sunday, December 3, 2017

How well did I love?

In the end
these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you live?
How deeply did you let go?”
― Jack Kornfield, Buddha's Little Instruction Book

Big questions,
which in my 66th year haunt me

how well did I love?
Tough question
I tried
I am good at doing things for others
Connecting, building that bridge between myself an another?

Not so good I fear

How fully did I live!
Well I have had at least 4 amazing careers
Minister, EMT
Disaster relief worker,
Fund raising executive
Medical school profession
Executive Director of a mental health program

I have traveled, a lot
Been to around 70 plus countries
I have had amazing experiences
Done volunteer work with the poorest of the poor, both abroad and at home
Helped develop a primary care delivery system for health care in Azerbaijan
Hiked into wild places
Taken a few risks
Worked on archeological digs in Israel

Not back
But that is doing
Not being

And so the questions still haunt me

How well have I let go!?
I have had a life full of great moments
Full of bad moments
Full of success
Full of humiliation

I have done things I am proud of
And this I despise

I have things I care with me, that I think about myself, that empower me
And thoughts that drive me into dark places

Yet I know that what counts is this moment
And what is important is the next choice I make

And I know I am free to make good choices
The right choices
Going forward

When the stores of my life no longer bind me
When I can step away from them, observe them, learn from them
And then

Move on

The more I carry with me
It might be my sense of self, male, white, smart, impulsive, disorganized, parent, loner
It may be the memory of things done and undone
But the more I carry with me
The less free I am

To move toward what I truly value
Toward the true self

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