How well did I love?

In the end

these things matter most:

How well did you love?

How fully did you live?

How deeply did you let go?”

― Jack Kornfield, Buddha's Little Instruction Book

__________________________________________

Big questions,

which in my 66^th year haunt me

how well did I love?

Tough question

I tried

I am good at doing things for others

Connecting, building that bridge between myself an another?

Not so good I fear

How fully did I live!

Well I have had at least 4 amazing careers

Minister, EMT

Disaster relief worker,

Fund raising executive

Medical school profession

Executive Director of a mental health program

I have traveled, a lot

Been to around 70 plus countries

I have had amazing experiences

Done volunteer work with the poorest of the poor, both abroad and at home

Helped develop a primary care delivery system for health care in Azerbaijan

Hiked into wild places

Taken a few risks

Worked on archeological digs in Israel

Not back

But that is doing

Not being

And so the questions still haunt me

How well have I let go!?

Damn!

I have had a life full of great moments

Full of bad moments

Full of success

Full of humiliation

I have done things I am proud of

And this I despise

I have things I care with me, that I think about myself, that empower me

And thoughts that drive me into dark places

Yet I know that what counts is this moment

And what is important is the next choice I make

And I know I am free to make good choices

The right choices

Going forward

When the stores of my life no longer bind me

When I can step away from them, observe them, learn from them

And then

Move on

The more I carry with me

It might be my sense of self, male, white, smart, impulsive, disorganized, parent, loner

It may be the memory of things done and undone

But the more I carry with me

The less free I am

To move toward what I truly value

Toward the true self

Toward

me