sometimes I pray
or something like it
sometimes as I feel the pain of the world
and see the suffering
as the powers and principalities
do their malevolent thing
I find myself muttering under my breath
to someone, something
greater
hoping?
wishing?
wouldn’t it be nice to be able to simply
call upon Love, and have it simply show up
healing, calming, protecting
I saw a meme the other day
“heaven is holding a conversation about you right now
angels have been
assigned, [God] is at work on your behalf”
there is a part of me that wishes this were how it worked
that I, one of millions and billions on a planet in a
galaxy in a universe
could call upon that power in which we live and breathe
and have our being
and bend that will to my will
there is a part of me that feels this kind of
individualistic
perception is flawed
as if Sacred is at my beck and call
as if I can use prayer for myself
(or even use prayer against you!)
does it work?
it seems to, sometimes!
but then there are those other times
and if it works for me, then why not for you?
why am I comfortable and healthy
while you are without a home or in agony?
is that creative loving power so random?
biased? selective?
does God play favorites?
does this have to be earned?
why do bad things happen to good people?
and very, very, bad people flourish?
none of this really makes sense
and yet
I keep muttering, keep praying
for it goes beyond wishful thinking
for there is something in the universe
and in me
that when focused can create
can heal
can love
it is there, that power
and somehow, when,
through prayer,
through angry words thrown into the sky
through passionate painful pleas
we open the universe, ourselves, a crack
something happens
when we, along with others
in community
dredge this power up and focus it
on a person, a problem
intending good
something happens
beyond that?
I have no answers
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