If I can find the words in my mind
The words could explain, but the words won't come…
And I don't know what to say
The
Zombies, Chris White
__________________________________
It is like a silent scream
It builds inside me, filling me until I am stretched
Engorged
Unable to contain it all and yet
Caught with the unutterable
All around me, there is pain, anger, fear, distrust, hate
There are people trusting the deceitful,
living a lie
living without insight or understanding
pushing our world into the abyss
of climate change, division, and war
I pick it up and carry it
The slide into fascism
The racism
The inhumanity at the border
I pick it up and carry it
the pain of those I listen to and counsel
those who come to me with their own fear and pain
words spill out
there are always words
but they seem to get lost
I speak from the pulpit, and the words twist and vanish
Do they touch hearts?
Heal souls?
In counseling, I seek to say words that will unlock
insight,
help people heal themselves (or their relationships)
but do I help?
Amid many words, I feel wordless
as if the words needed somehow
don’t come
not the right words
not
the kinds words
the healing words
the Spirit Words
those, perhaps, are stuck in my throat
in my heart
perhaps those Spirit Words are entangled
in my own inner chaos
I know I cannot “fix” the world
that it is not my job to heal people
they have to do that themselves
I am no Jonah, no Isaiah
Who can turn a city, and nation around
but I can speak words of love
of hope
of joy
I can speak words that open doors,
create space
raise questions
For today I will speak to God
I will shout to the skies
I will curse, perhaps
Lament
I will cry out for release
and will
try to find the words
to say to all I
I love you
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