I aspire to faith
I aspire to confidence
I do not want to join the throng that says
There is no God
But there are times when my aspiration turns into
Resignation
Perhaps despair
There are mornings when I wake up soul-hungry
Wanting nothing more than to curl up
Fetal
Wanting nothing more than to raise my fists
And scream at God
The disappointment and anger
Hot
Boiling over
At the lies, the manipulations
The injustice
At the torrent of evil that flows from people
People who, if I am honest, I see as evil
Who, if I am honest, I hate
(is it wrong to hate evil?)
I rage not because I don’t think God is there
I rage because I believe there is a God willing to be
raged at
A God who seems to have failed
The poor
The immigrant
The children, buried in rubble in Gaza, and Lebanon, and
Iran
The victims of greed and hate
I guess it is better to raise my voice to the heavens
Then to sit in stolid silence
Frigid and silent
In the face of evil
Better to believe there is a God who cares
Who can heal and reconcile
Who can make them better
Who can make me better
Even if at times that God seems silent.
I cannot accept the God of MAGA
The God of the Evangelicals
Who have turned the good news into bad news
“God loves me and hates you” is not good news
I cannot accept the God who guides missiles to kill
children
And destroys civilizations
Whose fault is it
That God seems so hidden and distant?
Some would say it is all my fault
I haven’t “surrendered.”
I am too proud
I have too little faith
Perhaps
I will not let go of God
But neither will I let go of my questions
I will not allow shallow, unsatisfying answers
To be my opiate
So here I sit
Refusing to accept what is happening
Seeking a God I often cannot find
Shaking my fist at heaven, not because I do not
believe, but because I do
No comments:
Post a Comment