When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.”
For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is
tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then,
after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is
full-grown, gives birth to death…
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone
should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because
human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
James 1
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There are times
I have trouble hearing.
It is not because I need hearing aids (although I do)
It is because my head, my heart, my soul, are crowded
My inner self is noisy and chaotic
To the point that there is little room for newness
Little room, honestly
For Jesus
I started thinking about this
About what I allow to dwell in my inmost being
About how I allow some things to become big, really big
My resentment over this.
My fear about that.
I’m like a hoarder
Who has bags of stuff I can’t let go of
Useless, putrid, smelly stuff
Piled everywhere
My TV is blaring, spewing narratives
Designed to create fear
Intended to offend
The influencers on my computer
Feed me half-truths
And outright lies
It is stifling
And I can barely breathe.
It is my upper room
And if Jesus suddenly appeared
Would he find a place to sit down
Would I be able to hear his words of love?
Others come with their narratives of fear
With their attempts to make me afraid,
With their desire to shame me
They add to the debris
But nothing more
High and deeper
They send me running to bar the door, shut the windows
and
Pull down the shades.
I am left more entrenched than ever.
Ah, but the risen Jesus.
That is another story.
But I have learned that the Spirit can free me from this
prison of my own making.
The Present God can open the windows
And let the wind blow
Can open the doors, and let the light in
Can burn away the piles of fear, misinformation and hate
Love can set me free
Love alone
Why do I think it is different for others?
Why do I think that somehow I, armed with what I believe
are “the facts,”
That I, with brilliant arguments
That I, impaired as I am with resentment and anger,
Can create understanding,
Dispel untruth
Heal heart and soul?
I have been doing it wrong.
I have to lead with love
I have to see myself simply as a conduit through which
Hopefully, prayerfully, God’s love can flow
Clearly telling people they are wrong (and I am right)
Doesn’t work
Clearly leading with anger
Doesn’t work
Nor does ridicule
I am not going to change any hearts
Only God can do that
And God can only do that
If I am not in the way
I am going to have to learn
What it looks like to be a conduit
And not a dam
I am going to have to learn what it means
To overcome evil with good
And sadly, I am a slow learner.
Come, Lord Jesus,
You have a lot of work to do
Starting with me
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