Be Still

Stand still.  The
trees ahead and bushes beside you 
Are not lost, 
Wherever you are is called Here
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger
                                         David
Wagoner
 
There are the places you wish to go, there are the places
you desperately wish you never left, there are the places you imagine you
should be, and there is the place called here
                                         Padraig
O’ Tauma
________________________________________________
 
in this virus time
when we are Covid tired
Covid-dry
 
Sheltering here
Wherever here is
In a cabin in the woods
In an apartment in the concrete
 
Alone or with loved ones, alienated ones 
Happy one’s, sad ones
 
We think
we think of place
of this place
of places we have been
of places we wish to go
 
________
 
my head and heart are full of places
of snapshots in time
of moments of brilliant joy
of moments of deep violet, red, black shame
 
and I am all over the place 
but not in this place
this sheltering place
 
I can escape the virus, perhaps
but I struggle to escape
myself
or my fears
hand to the plow I keep looking back
and the jagged ragged furrow of my life
 
heart in my throat I look forward
into the bleakness of a new world
of shortened time 
 
all of this roils
as I find myself 
in this place
 
but I am here
and this is the place
and this place does shelter and hold me
and if I can just be here
 
for a moment
for this moment
breathe in, breathe out
 
if I can just be here
then in this place Jesus can find me
locked in my room for fear
(as Jesus found this disciples, locked away for fear)
 
Jesus can find me
And I know just what he will say
 
“Hello
 Hello beloved
child
 Hello least of
these
 Hello impetuous,
impulsive, tortured one
 Hello
 
 Peace be with you”

Trust

In the book Crime and Punishment there is a character name Marmeladov.  He is a drunk and a disgrace.  At one point, in an argument with a young rationalist, Marmeladov insists that he is not to be pitied   He says. . .”He will have pity on me who has pity on all men… He will summon us.  “You too come forth” he will say.  He will say “come forth you drunkards, come forth ye weak ones, come forth ye children of shame!”  And the wise and those of understanding will say:  “Oh Lord why dost thou receive these men?  And he will say, “This is why I receive them ye wise.  This is why I receive them, oh ye of understanding.  That not one of them believe himself to be worthy of this.  And he will hold out his hands to us… and we shall weep.”

Our faith walk starts when we decide to trust God.  When we realize we will never measure up to God’s expectations, but that God loves us anyway. 

When we trust in that love, that trust is the key that unlocks our heart.  So that we can be open to the sacred - open to our own place as a child of God, as one created in God’s image -  AND - so we can be open to others.   The most urgent need in our lives is to trust what we have received.

Visionaries Wanted

I have been reading a wonderful little book by Brennan Manning called "Ruthless Trust."  In that book he makes a wonderful provocative comment.  "Sacred scripture is too important to be left exclusively to biblical scholars.  Theology is too vital to be consigned solely to the province of theologians.  To explore the depths of the God who invites our trust, we need the artists and mystics."

To that I would add, and farmers, teachers, housewives, househusbands, electricians, and . . . . well you get the idea.  Recently some of the most powerful spiritual lessons I have gained have come not from sophisticated intellectuals, or written profundities, but from people whom I have found in my path, day by day.

The other day my brother-in-law Dan was diagnosed with ALS.  My mother died of a variant of this illness almost 20 years ago.  I know how hideous this illness can be.  And so does Dan.  On Easter Sunday I went out to have dinner with he and my sister.  We were talking and I was prepared with all kinds of theological wisdom and pastoral insight.  I asked Dan how he was doing and he replied.  "Fine.  I am not focusing on death, but Sue and I are just going to live as much as we can!"   Wow!

Later than same week I was talking to an older woman.  She has had more than her fair share of tragedy and sorrow, and for her life is never easy.  We were talking about prayer and she was talking about her many family members who are in crisis. I said something about praying "for" them, and she startled me by saying "I never pray for people."  When I hear someone say they are praying for someone, I think it means that they have decided what is wrong with that person, or their situation, and that they believe they know what that person needs.  Then they start telling God how to act and behave. I don't know for sure what a person's needs are, or what wound is present in their heart.  And it is not my job to tell God what to do.  So I just place people in my prayers.  I say 'Oh, and God, there is John, or Jane, or, whomever. Be with them.' "  Again, wow.  I wish I had learned that in seminary.

Brennan had it right!  We need the artists and mystics, the farmers, the people who have the experience of God, and out of that experience, can whet our appetite for the divine.

Thank you my friends

A supposed theologian and scholar

Message

I ran across a quote the other day.  I may not have it quite right, and I don't remember who said it, but its essence stayed with me, rattling around in my skull, and resurfacing often enough that I started thinking more about it.

Essentially it went like this.  "Christianity is not a message which has to be believed, but an experience of faith that becomes a message."

This reminds me that what must shape my faith, shape my beliefs, shape my message, shape my attitudes and behaviors, must be my experience of Christ's love.  That love that will not let me go. It is that experience that changes everything.  It is not the dogma, the words.  Indeed if I focus on the dogma I find myself being pulled into ways of being I don't like.  Sometimes I find myself being judgmental.  "Well if they were REALLY Christian they would (or wouldn't ) support health care reform."  I find myself being judgmental of those who are being judgmental.  "Those people are hateful and I hate people like that."

Focusing on dogma, on the oughts, and shoulds and musts of faith leaves me feeling unsettled, insecure, and frankly a little down.  But focusing on my experience of Christ's love makes a huge difference. To be loved the way Christ loves - with a love that led to the cross, to death.  What a love!  When I think about it, I am stunned.  Christ doing the unspeakable, going the way of death, for me.  Me!

That love frees me.  It frees me from wallowing in shame, remorse, self hatred and guilt.  It frees me from getting locked in to self-destructive ways.  It frees me to be open to God's love and compassion.  Yes, we can block even God's love.  When I focus on the "words" of faith I end up trapped in low spiritual self-esteem.

But when I focus on the experience of Christ's, and ultimately God's love?  Then I can accept God's acceptance of me.  And I am free to be open.  Free to risk.  Free to love others.  I don't have to live and act in fear.  And it is in that moment that I really have a message.