The Narrow Door

Once a man asked Jesus, "Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?"  Jesus said to them, "Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside knocking and pleading, 'Sir, open the door for us.'  "But he will answer, 'I don't know you or where you come from.' 

One of the things that struck me as I read this passage was the concept of the narrow door.  This is often where the focus goes when people look at this passage.  Whenever I’ve heard this talked about, it’s usually along the lines of it being difficult to find or enter through. And the focus is on what efforts we need to make to “earn” our way through that door.  But I think that this totally misses the mark. 

We are talking about entry to the kingdom here.  If we are going to have the image of a door, we have to think of a house.  Being the Kingdom, this house should probably be seen as a palace.  Palaces, which are grand houses, have several entrances. There’s the wide door, which is for honored guests, friends and relatives. And there’s the narrow door, which is the servants’ entrance. And this is what I think Jesus was talking about (and what would have been the obvious interpretation for his listeners). If we are to enter the Kingdom, we must not seek to enter through the wide door of honor, but through the narrow door of servitude.

Many will try to enter the house, Jesus says, but will not be able to. That is, I think, they will not be able to enter the wide door.  Why not?  Because those who would enter through the front door would enter the palace as those deserving the honor.  

Think about the end of the parable where Jesus responds to those who are offended by their inability to enter.  Why are they confused?  Because they saw themselves as being in the inner circle.  They saw themselves as the elect.  They saw themselves as those who somehow deserved special status.  “We ate and drank with you.  We walked with you and you taught us.  We are special”

But the concept of the narrow door suggests that the door into the kingdom isn’t for the privileged.  It isn’t for those who think they have special privilege, a special place.  It isn’t for those who think - because of what they know, what they have done, what they believe how they have behaved – that they they have the inside track to the kingdom.  Christ is reminding his listeners that no human being is worthy to enter God’s Kingdom as a right. 

In other words, no one gets into the kingdom through the front door. Instead people get into the kingdom through the side door.  Through the door of grace.  It is those who are not proud, not self-satisfied, not sure of their own deservedness (as compared to everyone else), who find that the door to the Kingdom is open.

In an odd paradox the people of privilege, it is those who see themselves as righteous, as those who are on God’s side (hey, God and I are “like this”) who find it hard to get in.  I have this picture of the TV evangelist, the super Christian, the person who is out there blowing his or her own spiritual horn, the one who is saying “I am on God’s side” standing at the front door, pounding, yelling… hey, open up, let me in! Demanding entrance and finding God not nearly as impressed with them as they anticipated.  And I see the sinners, the losers, the people who know they don’t deserve the kingdom, as quietly walking through the servants’ door into the kingdom, into God’s “space.”  Finding intimacy with the sacred through humility.

It is something to think about in this age when many are self-righteous, and attempt to use that so called righteousness as a club.

Where's the Kingdom?

Then Jesus asked, "What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it to? 19 It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air perched in its branches."  20 Again he asked, "What shall I compare the kingdom of God to? 21 It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into a large amount of flour until it worked all through the dough."

What is the kingdom of God like? Perhaps more fundamentally one could ask, What is a kingdom like?  Or perhaps even, “what is a kingdom?”  What do you think of when you think of a kingdom?

Do you think – Ah, The Kingdom is the fourth full-length release from the Swiss metalcore band Cataract?  Or - The Kingdom is a 2007 film directed by Peter Berg and starring Jamie Foxx?

Do you think of a kingdom as a country or domain ruled by a king or queen?  I am guessing the last definition.  A kingdom is that over which a ruler rules -  Perhaps we could even say that a kingdom is a sphere of influence?

So how Jesus answers the question, “what is a kingdom like?” is kind of interesting.

The kingdom is like a very average seed… that grows into a tree.  The kingdom is like a tiny bit of leaven, which when added to some dough, permeates the whole thing

The kingdom, in both of these parables is small.  It is so small as to almost be unnoticeable.  Eventually the reality, the full nature of the kingdom emerges, but at one point, at least at some point – the kingdom is barely there.  This may be another very important message.  The kingdom is not about big moves! It is not about huge gestures.  Is not something big or showy.  At times it may be barely noticeable.

Now why is this message important?  Because we keep looking for the big things… We expect the Kingdom, if it really exists to be, obvious, unmistakable, powerful, incredible.  Yeah, God is here!  But what do we see as we look at the world?  Is the kingdom all that obvious?  Is it all that obvious in our own lives? 

It’s all very confusing, it was confusing for the people Jesus was talking to.  Do you think Jesus was what the people had in mind when they thought of a King and a kingdom?  How did he and his ministry fit with what was expected?  Remember, the Messiah was to be a descendant of David  - a warrior king who would restore the kingdom, deal with enemies of Israel.  Create a Kingdom of power and glory

But here we have this guy.  He was not royalty, but the son of a common carpenter.  He was at odds with the religious leaders of the day.  He did nothing, in terms of overcoming the enemies of Israel.  Plus his leadership team was a joke.  Fishermen, children, women!  What kind of army is this?  Tax collectors, prostitutes?  The people had to have wondered – seriously wondered about any claims that the kingdom has come.

Think about today – does it look, to us, like the kingdom has come?  Look around you!  Do you see the kingdom of God?  I think we see a lot of stuff when we look around us.  We see, cancer.  We see despair.  We see economic troubles.  We see a society that seems to be full of all kinds of problems.  Greed, hatred, violence,

Where is the kingdom?  If the kingdom is here, how is it evident?  What do we think it should look like?  A nation where everyone believes the same way?  A nation that is successful and powerful, that pursues a course of “might is right” and seeks, through political and military power install its version of “rightness” on the world? 

The Kingdom is like a mustard seed.  The kingdom is like leaven.  Perhaps Jesus was trying to tell us that the kingdom may not, through much of history look like much.  Perhaps Jesus was telling us that we may have trouble seeing the kingdom with clarity.  Perhaps we may have trouble seeing it all all…. Buried as it is in the earth, hidden in the dough….

Perhaps he is telling us that when it comes to the Kingdom we have to have faith.  That we have to trust… that even though it doesn’t look like much, at least right now, the kingdom has come.  It is here… and it will have, ultimately finally incredible power –

The power to change – to make all things new.

Following God's breadcrumbs

A church reader board had this “interesting” statement.  “Don’t let worry kill you, let the church help”  Don’t let worry kill you.  Let the church help!  Worry!  It’s a big deal.  We all know about worry.  For many of us it is an all too familiar companion.  It goes b y a lot of names. . . this affliction.  Anxiety, dis-ease, concern, apprehension, nervousness, angst, fear. 

It is the last word that hits home for most of us.  Fear!  And if there is anything we know about fear, it is about how powerful it is.  It has a lot of impact.  There are some positives – fear helps us survive.  But fear also produces things that are often far from positive.  Anger, defensiveness, grasping, a pulling of resources to ourselves, apathy, self-centeredness, alienation, isolation, hate, even death.

It is pretty clear – when we are wrapped up in fear or worry, we are not living optimally.  We are not, probably, loving, caring, giving, being open sharing.  Worry eats at the fabric of who we are. 

So what is the antidote to worry?  Jesus in Luke tells his followers, “do not worry. about your  life, what you will eat, or about your body what you will wear”  Instead?  “Do not be afraid little flock, for it is God’s good pleasure to give you, the kingdom.”

There is there a way to deal with fear?  It is called faith.  Trust in God, In God’s love, in God’s forgiveness, in the generosity of God. When we trust God, then we can look at life a completely different way.  We don’t have to look back, and carry with us the fear and worry generate by what has happened in the past.  And we don’t have to look ahead, imagining, with anxiety, all the bad things that might happen  We don’t have to walk through life closed, protective, suspicious, hugging our resources to ourselves.  Instead we can move forward – Open, Loving, Forgiving, Giving - living life in the context of God’s love.

Wayne Muller, in his book “A life of being, having and doing enough” has a wonderful concept that I think says, in a very creative way, what Jesus was talking about in this wonderful parable.  He notes that we are assailed by our worry:  We worry about whether we are enough, good enough, talented enough, strong enough.  We worry about whether we will have enough – enough food, money, possessions,  power.  We worry about whether we will do enough, whether at the end of our days we  will be able to look back with pride at our life, about whether others will admire  us, remember us, honor us.

But he insists that it is important that we don’t go there.  We don’t cave into our worry.  How do we avoid doing that?  We do it by focusing on the moment, that the past, not the future, but on the moment, and, in that moment, by listening to our inner sense of what is right, what is most nourishing.  To put it another way, we counter worry by going inside, and listening to the Christ in Us, the Spirit.  And then?  Then all we have to do is make one choice.  It is Muller insists the only choice we have to make.  It is a choice we make over and over and over again, but it is the choice…What is the next right thing for me to do?

We can’t make this choice when we are looking way out there, into the future. When we are looking at all the variables that are coming at us from every direction.  When we are listening to a million voices.  We can’t do it when our view of reality is twisted and warped by our pasts.  We can only do it when, in this moment we trust God - and then listen to God.  And then take – just – one – step

We trust God, and we make the next right choice. In Spirit we chose to take that next step, as an open, trusting , giving person. And then?  We look for the next right thing to do…In many small choices, we strive for the kingdom, we make the choices, and God is there… taking us where we need to go… Giving us what we need.  Muller likens this process to following breadcrumbs from God,

I like this concept .  It means moving from a lack of trust to trust.  It means moving from a place where, looking far into the future I try to set my course.  Where I functionally try to supervise the work of God.  To a place where I humbly follow God’ tender prompting as it comes in the power of the Spirit. 

I pray that I can have the faith to follow the bread crumbs. 

Being Light

This last week a very bright, articulate and sensitive man killed himself.  Two days before he took this action he sat in the our little church sanctuary and was part of our fellowship.  And yet he walked out, and ultimately felt so empty, so sad, so hopeless, that he took his life.

We try to preach good news.  We try to give people hope.  We try to be the “light”.  But how does that work?  What would it have meant to be light for this hurting man?

In the church we talk a  lot  about  light.  Jesus is the light!  We are the light.  We as Christians are to be people who make a difference in the world - who share the love of God  - who make the sacred present in a very secular world.

But there is a problem.  The first problem is that for all its “talk” about being light, sharing the good news, being a presence in the world, the church does a lousy job of it.   About 10 years ago a sociologist did a survey where he asked people about their behaviors and attitudes.  In the demographic component he determined whether people classified themselves as Christian or non-Christian, and then compared the results.  His findings were interesting.  Let’s look for example at behaviors.  There were 25 behaviors explored.  For example, "Gave money to a homeless person or poor person, in past year"   Of the Christians, 24% had done so.  Among the non-Christians?  34%   "Attended a community meeting on local issue, in past year"  Christians - 37%; Non-Christians - 42%.  The behavior of Christians often cannot be differentiate for that of non- Christians.  Where’s the light?

The other problem is that even though Christians are supposedly working hard to “be light” they aren’t making a very good impression.  In another study done in 2007 young people ranked the attributes of Christians as they perceived them.   Nine of the 12 most common attributes they named were negative ones. According to the study, "Common negative perceptions include that present-day Christianity is judgmental (87%), hypocritical (85%), old-fashioned (78%), and too involved in politics (75%)."  And this wasn't just ignorance talking. The youth interviewed had significant contact with Christians.  They had attended churches, were connected with Christians.  So this is the “image” of the sacred we project?

How do we function as light in this world?  In part it is how we act.  We must be kind.  We must listen.  We must act in caring ways.  But the reality is that it is probably more about who we are as people.  Our acts come from deep inside.  In Luke, after telling us to put the “lamp” (Jesus) where people can see it, Jesus says these words (Luke 11:34-41).  “Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are good, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are bad, your body also is full of darkness. See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be completely lighted, as when the light of a lamp shines on you…  Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also? But give what is inside [the dish] to the poor, and everything will be clean for you.   

We cannot put on a mask of piety, and think we are being the light of the world.

We cannot be pious and judgmental, and think we are being the light

We cannot hide behind words, behind engagement in the church, and think we are being the light

No,  being a lamp, being light is a matter of letting people see us… No pretense!  No hypocrisy…  It is letting people look into the center of who we are. 

And it is being clear, that this person (me) - who is good and bad, strong and weak, hopeful and hopeless – that this person is Christ’s person.  Loved by God.  Forgiven by God.  Empowered by God.  A flawed vessel bearing the beauty of the creator. 

Dallas Willard once wrote  “The positive characterization of the kingdom attitude is agape love… Jesus calls us to him to impart himself to us.  He does not call us to do what he did, but to be who he was, permeated with love.  Then the doing of what he said and did becomes the natural expression of who we are in him.”  We are to be people permeated by God’s love.  That is what our whole self is to be about.  It does not make us perfect, or without flaw.  But it makes us people who have an impact.

And when people can look at us, and see this authentic self, permeated with love…. Well there is an important message here isn’t there?  If Christ can love us – as we are ???  The real us? Well then there can be no doubt, God also loves them.

So lets get back to that original idea of being light

We now know for sure what it is it not….It is not mere words… sharing formulas, standard phrases

It putting forth a “holy exterior”

It is interfacing with others in a unique way.  It is seeing people with the eyes of grace

It is helping them to see themselves through the eyes of grace.

It is also allowing people to see us

It is ultimately connecting with them at the level of the soul

It is building a  bridge of love

A relational bridge

Across which the love, the grace, the forgiveness of God can cross. . .   To heal, to empower

It is letting the real Christ

Who exists, who lives, who is present,  in the real us…

Shine into the real world, the real darkness

Corey my friend.  Rest in peace

Planks and Sawdust

I was reading some parables in look and ran across the familiar parable of the “log” and the “speck”  It reminded me of a sad reality, our propensity as human beings to judge other people.  We judge spouses, kids, friends, co workers, presidents, movie stars - pretty much anyone we see or hear or interact with.  And whomever it is we judge we seem to find some sort of satisfaction in being able to find a weakness or a fault in another, and nail them for it.  And we are good at it – at finding that “speck of sawdust” or something bigger, and making sure that it does not go unnoticed.  We may masquerade it as humor, or concern, or many other things.  But it is judgmentalism.

Why do we like this stuff?  Why is it so “rewarding” to find something about someone else that we can criticize, or ridicule?  Why do we not only point out the “speck of sawdust” in the other’s eye, but actually search diligently for it!  And when we find it, use it to assail the other?  Perhaps because then we don’t have to look at our own stuff.  Perhaps because it is easier to see the flaws in others than to see them in ourselves.  That speck over there is a lot easier to look at than this log – right here! Perhaps it is about power!  We can use our judgments to create a sense of superiority.  I suspect there can be many reasons.

Whatever the reason, Jesus knew about this tendency.  And he knew that often those most powerfully afflicted by this “disease” were those who claimed to speak in God’s name, the religious.  And so Jesus, knowing that this is how we are, felt it important to issue a strong caution to his people:  “Do not judge… do not condemn… why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye?“

What is Jesus saying here ?  Is he saying that we can’t stand for anything? That if we recognize things that are not right, we have to remain silent, that we can’t respond to what we see?  I don’t think so.  If we look at the end of the passage Jesus talks about taking the speck out of the neighbor’s eye.  But Christ clearly says that there is something we must do first before we can even think about doing this.  He tells us we must look first to ourselves.  We must have self awareness.  First notice, and then take the log out of your own eye.  Then you can think about the speck in your neighbor’s.

We must see our own “stuff”, and we must deal with our own stuff before we can even begin to think about anyone else.  This means the beginning of the process is seeing ourselves for who we really are.  It is a prerequisite – that before we start judging, criticizing, correcting others – we look hard at ourselves, and we essentially judge and  correct ourselves.

Actually I hate to use the word judge.  What we need to do, quite simply, is see our own humanity.  We need to see ourselves as a mix of good and not so good, as those who have done well, and done poorly.  As those who sometimes love and sometimes hate.  As those who sometimes live lives that glorify god and sometimes, are rather toadish creatures.

What we need to do is begin the process is abandon the idea that we are  morally superior beings.  We are people who are totally and irrevocably dependent upon the grace of God.  We are the “blind” who would lead the blind.  The ones with a “log” in our eye.

Sometimes we aren’t very “self” aware.  Many of you may be aware of the church in Florida that had set a Quran Burning Day for September 11^th.  When asked why they wanted to do this the pastor of the Dove World Outreach Center said they wanted to burn Qurans "to warn about the teaching and ideology of Islam, which we do hate as it is hateful."  That is like saying, “there are people who hate people and I  hate people like that!”

There is something wrong there isn’t there?  Can we be hateful and condemn those who are hateful?  We can condemn hate.  But can we do that in a hateful way and still be authentic?

Before we judge, we have to look long and hard at ourselves.  This reminds us that we too are people who have faults, who have made mistakes.  We too are people who hurt others. Who need to be forgiven, who need grace.  We always have to remember this.  That we are ultimately, no different from those we would judge and condemn.  “Why point out the speck in that person’s eye, and ignore the log in your own?” 

Politics and Faith

I have been watching the recent political scene with some interest. In part because I work with vulnerable people who are often the pawns in the entire political process, and in part because politics reveal so much about us spiritually. I have been fascinated by the recent polls that say that the GOP is better at the economy that the Democrats, in spite of the numbers which show the average American does way better under the Democrats economically. I am also stunned that people want to go back to the very policies that drove us into the current recession. Reminds me of the old AA adage, "insanity is continuing to do the same thing an expecting a different result."

What on earth are we thinking? I have decided that it is because we as humans have an incredible propensity to look for the "easy answer." When change is needed. When we have gotten ourselves in a bad place, we want the quick and easy way out. We don't want slow and difficult. And so we reject the hard way, and grab for the easy way. Right now voters don't want to believe there is no easy fix to our economy. They don't want to believe that the way out is difficult and slow, and will entail real changes to the way things have been. So they are grabbing for those who promise a quicker easier solution (trickle down economics, benefit the rich and eventually it will help the poor? Pleeeeease). This quick easy solution doesn't work. It has never worked, but. . .

The tendency we have to grab for the easy, and yes, external solution is evident as well in our faith. When we are unhappy, when life is not going well, we tend to do the same thing. We look outside ourselves, for the quick easy solution. More stuff. Substances. Power. Sex. Whatever it is we can grab that will give us the quick fix.

Only the fix is only quick, but not lasting. And sometimes there is not "fix" at all, just faux relief. Usually the real relief comes as we day the inner road, the slower road, the more difficult road of really looking at ourselves, and making real and sometimes difficult or painful choices.

As Jesus noted, the way is sometimes narrow, and sometimes difficult. But the good news is that real change is possible.

More on forgiveness

Forgiveness is essential for our spiritual healing. When we are willing to be forgiven, and to forgive, we are saying that there is something bigger in our lives than our hurt. When we don’t forgive, we tend to give the bulk of our attention to how we have been hurt. We focus on the things that are painful. Clearly our wounds need attention. But when we concentrate on our hurt, we learn to see the brokenness, losses, or injures we have been given as the most important things in our lives. We cultivate an attention to these wounds in such a way that over time they come to occupy the most important place in our heart.Our wound lives at the center of our heart. And this poisons our heart. We cannot love. We cannot move forward. We are in a state of profound dis-ease.

Miguel Ruiz, the author of the “Four Agreements” reminds us of our need to forgive, for our own spiritual sake, in his book “The Mastery of Love”. He writes. “There is no other way but forgiveness to clean the wounds of all the poison. You must forgive those who hurt you, even if whatever they did to you is unforgiveable in your mind. You will forgive them not because they deserve to be forgiven (I might add any more than your deserve to be forgiven), but because you don’t want to suffer and hurt yourself every time you remember what they did."

>This is a hard task… forgiving other. Maybe almost as difficult as forgiving ourselves.

Trust

In the book Crime and Punishment there is a character name Marmeladov.  He is a drunk and a disgrace.  At one point, in an argument with a young rationalist, Marmeladov insists that he is not to be pitied   He says. . .”He will have pity on me who has pity on all men… He will summon us.  “You too come forth” he will say.  He will say “come forth you drunkards, come forth ye weak ones, come forth ye children of shame!”  And the wise and those of understanding will say:  “Oh Lord why dost thou receive these men?  And he will say, “This is why I receive them ye wise.  This is why I receive them, oh ye of understanding.  That not one of them believe himself to be worthy of this.  And he will hold out his hands to us… and we shall weep.”

Our faith walk starts when we decide to trust God.  When we realize we will never measure up to God’s expectations, but that God loves us anyway. 

When we trust in that love, that trust is the key that unlocks our heart.  So that we can be open to the sacred - open to our own place as a child of God, as one created in God’s image -  AND - so we can be open to others.   The most urgent need in our lives is to trust what we have received.

Christ in Others

I have always considered myself a relatively caring person.  I mean really! I have been a minister, an EMT, a disaster relief worker, a counselor.  Almost everything I have ever done has been service oriented.

I come by this honestly.  Service to others, often costly service, has been a hallmark of my family of origin.  My grandfather and grandmother were Mennonite missionaries to the Cheyenne tribe in Montana and served them with humility and compassion.  Aunts and Uncles served as doctors and minister, caring for others, serving their communities in many ways.  Cousins have worked tirelessly for non-profits, seeking to better the lives of those whom God has placed in their path.  It is the Kliewer way.

But recently while reading Brennan Manning's book The Wisdom of Tenderness I was challenged to look at myself again.  Manning points out how, in many places, the Bible sends us a message that is somewhat different from what we might expect.  In John 13 (love on another as I have loved you), I John 4:11 (Since God loved us so much, we should love one another), and Matthew 22 (love God and love your neighbor), we are challenged, as our response to God's love, to love those around us. 

We might expect to be  told to respond to God's love by loving God in return.  Not to mention worship God and obey God.  But no, we are told to love those around us.  No, not just to love those around us, but to love everyone around us.  In the parable of the great judgement in Matthew 25 we have that incredible story where people are judged based upon whether they responded in love to the hungry, thirsty, naked Jesus.  When the people questioned when they had ever seen Jesus in need, and responded to him, Jesus answer, "when you did this for the least of these, you did it to me."

This reminds us of a powerful fact.  God, is all those we  meet.  All.  Sometimes, Manning reminds us, "he's buried there, sometimes he's bound hand and foot there, but he's there."  That means that when we love "the least of these" we love God.  Perhaps the words of the Bible aren't as strange as we think.  

The point is clear.  We are surrounded by people who are hungry, thirsty and naked, literally.  Those who are homeless, in poverty, afflicted by mental illness and more.  We are also surrounded by people who are hungry, thirsty and naked in other ways as well.  Hungry for love and understanding, thirsty for affirmation and respect, naked in their loneliness, in the harsh light of bad decisions.

We are to love all these.  Not just the one's who are easy to love.  Not just the one's who are rewarding to love.  But also those who are hard to  love.   Those who don't respond.  Those who hurt and wound us.  Those who ignore us.  Those whom society judges and reject.  We are too love them all.

I have come to realize that all too often my love is selective.  I love those who are lovable.  I love those I am "paid" to love.  I love people when others notice, and give me credit.  But there are too many I don't love.  

May God give  me grace.  May I so let God love me that I am permeated with God's love, filled to such a degree that all I say and do will be an expression of who I am in Christ.  I am a long way from being  in  that place. May the journey begin.

On Meetings

It has been an interesting week.  After a couple of days of being sick, I am now in full "meeting mode" at the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church, USA.  Meetings are odd things.  Generally I don't like them, and the longer the meeting is, the less I like it.  This meeting goes for over a week.  And so far I have spent hours in a downstairs room (no windows) participating in a committee.  We have been discussing social justice issues, an important point of focus for any church (if you don't believe me wander through the Minor Prophets).  But it is a meeting, and a meeting about church governance at that.  What I jokingly call "my version of hell."

But there have been wonderful moments.  A chance to meet with a man who had a lot of influence on my life in college days (Steve Hayner), with a cousin, and chance encounters with other people from the narrative of my life.  Finding new friends who have open hearts and minds.  I have also had moments, during the breaks to read.  I have been chewing on a book by Wayne Muller, an author recommended by a counselor friend.

The book, How, Then, Shall We Live?" focuses on four critical questions we must ask ourselves if we want to find the meaning of our lives.  The questions are "Who Am I?",  "What do I love?", "How shall I live, knowing I will die?", and What is my gift to the family of earth?"

It got me thinking about the questions we as the Presbyterian Church are asking.  We seem to be asking the wrong questions.   Or perhaps not asking the wrong questions, but trying to answer questions about things like social justice without having asked the right questions first.  Such as "Who are we?"  "How do we as the church love God in Christ?" It seems we have to answer those questions first, before we can talk about how we live, about how we take our place in the family of earth.

Muller suggests that if we want to move on the questions about how we live in the world, we must first work on our inner life, and in that way create a life of beauty and meaning.  This seems to be a message I am seeing a lot lately.  Maybe it is being said more, or perhaps I am merely more prepared to hear it.  Mullen calls this becoming intimate with self and sacred.  Eckhart talks about the dialog between the kingdom within us and the spirit that flourishes in the world around us.  The Bible talks about the mystery of "Christ in us."  Muller calls it "finding our story."

However we name it, it is that part of us that is true, it is us created in God's image, and recreated when God, in the Holy Spirit, becomes active at the center of who we are, in our hearts.  When we find this self Muller insists, we find acceptance.  We know we are loved, and even loveable, in spite of our flaws.  We learn to take what is good in us, and work with it, celebrate it, nurture it, restore it, and thus grow and expand.  When we find acceptance and thus can be "who we really are", then we can act.

Yes, this may sound a little, 'out there', and no, I have not wrapped my head or my heart around it completely.  But somewhere in this movement inward, is the seed of a movement outward that will be meaningful.  It is when this inward movement has taken place, when we find what is good and true, and what is bad and false about ourselves, and embrace that self in the context of God's love, that meaningful action takes place.  It matters not whether the heart be mine, or the heart of the church.  

Permeable

I've been reading an interesting book by a psychologist named Laurel Mellin.  Called "The Pathway" it is a book that tries to help people find what they want the most, what she calls "life's sweetest awards."  What I have loved about this book is the author's insistence that we don't find those rewards by looking outside ourselves to external solutions.  Those external things that we try to use to make ourselves happy generally don't work.  Sometimes because they are inherently destructive, and sometimes because in our desperation, we simply can't limit our use of them.  So no matter what they are they end up as "bad news."  

So we are out of balance, feeling sad, angry, guilty, or fearful, and we reach outside to things that might be good, serving others, working, but  we go to excess and we stay a mess.  Or we reach outside to things that numb but don't help, such as alcohol or food, and we stay a mess.

Mellin believes that the way we get back in balance, and find what we need, is to go inside, to look of internal solutions.  Often the reason we don't go inside is because we have neglected the inner life, so that when we do go inside, there is nothing there.  Or it is a space so full of emotional junk that we cannot find nurture and comfort in that place.  

Mellin suggests that we take time to nurture that inner place, which she calls, fittingly, the sanctuary.  She says that we need to do some house cleaning.  Take out the emotional trash,  "clean he cobwebs off a nurturing inner voice," repair the disconnects between ourselves and, well, ourselves.  In short, we need to be lovingly connected to our self, intimate with our self.  

But not just our self, also "spirituality."  Being connected with the spiritual, with God, being "intimate" with God.  Becoming intimate with the sacred, is something else that happens when we go within to the core of who we are. There we find God, and as we are open to that presence we learn to love the sacred, and be loved by the sacred.

I have been using many of Mellin's ideas in my own life.  But what I realized the other day is that this concept has been around a long time.  This idea, that we go inside, to the heart, that we connect there with God and our true self, and thus find joy, and intimacy with others, has been around - well at least since Jesus said "Love God, with all your heart soul mind and strength, and love your neighbor AS YOURSELF".

I like the idea of being what Mellin calls "an intimacy catcher"  -  being so in touch with my God and my self that I can allow others in, that I can catch those opportunities for intimacy, for love, as they come along  --  in the smile of a child, in the laughter of a friend.  I'm still working on it!  But hopeful.

Back to School

In my last blog I responded to some comments passed on to me from a Sunday School class.  It related to "God's Plan."  This week there is more fun ahead, as the class is going to explore how to know God's plan, and follow God's plan.

I have to admit I once again find myself questioning.  Implied in the way the issue is framed is the idea that God has a very specific plan for each of us, and we are to follow that plan, or else!  Or else what?  Be punished.  Experience a horrible life?  Disappoint God?  Lose God's love?

It's hard to tell.  Let me say right off that I think it is almost impossible for us to disappoint God.  Do you think God doesn't know what we are like?  That our propensity for bad decisions, and willfulness are unknown?

And than leads me to my next thought.  I think God is the great innovator.  OK, maybe God does have a plan for us.  But almost from the moment we draw a breath that plan is not happening.  Our parents mess it up.  Then we mess it up.  What other people do, you might say history messes it up.  But mostly it is us.  We are after all children.  And children are strong willed and rebellious.  It is almost as if it is the job of children to frustrate the plans and intentions of their parents.

So there we are, the children of God.  Going through life, stumbling alone.  Sometimes making good choices, sometimes poor choices.  And God?  Well God is walking along with us.  Truly with us.  Experiencing everything we experience.  Feeling our hurt, our joy, our hope, our despair.  And being the GREAT INNOVATOR!

I think God is always having to innovate.  God takes what we offer.  Good, bad or indifferent, and works with us to make the best thing possible occur from that offering.  That takes innovation and amazing creativity.  And so we go from Plan A to Plan B to ... well, how many letters are there in the alphabet?  Not nearly enough

But for that me that is the most incredible gift.  That God does not give up on me, but stays with me and works with me each step of my life.  Never gives up!  Always works with me, to make things work together for God.

Can we know God's plan?  Probably not, it may well be always changing.  Can we follow God's plan?  Perhaps, momentarily, yes.  Does that mean we freeze?  Never.  God wants us moving.  God would rather have us moving and making mistakes, that sitting still going nowhere.  As one old Irish rancher once told me.  "It is a lot easier for God to change your direction if you are moving, than it is for for him to get you off your butt if you are sitting still."

AMEN

In the Plan!

I was talking to a friend the other day about a Sunday School experience.  I asked what they topic was, and the response was that they had talked about the difference God makes in difficult times.  "When we have God then something good can come out of the most difficult times.  It is all part of God's plan."  OK, don't quote me, but it was something like that.  I remember thinking after the first part of the phrase  "YES! - GRACE!"

I remember being less then thrilled about the second part of the sentence.  I really struggle with comments such as that. I know, there is this thing a lot of us have about the power of God, and about the fact that for God to be God, all things must be under God's control.  If we push this to the logical conclusion, then all things must somehow be part of God's plan, even the horrible things that happen.

And frankly, I don't buy that!  I don't believe God "gives" people cancer as part of a plan.  Or that children are molested, or young father's killed as a part of some "plan" that exists in the mind of the sacred.  If I believed that ?  Well I would end up echoing the thoughts of C.S. Lewis after his great love died of cancer stated -  that it was not so much that he was in danger of not believing in God, but that he might come to believe "horrible things" about God.

I do not believe God "causes" bad things.  I guess the most I can affirm is that somehow God allows bad to exist.  Why?  Lots of theories on that one.  Free will.  The cost of letting us be children and not slaves.  But the point is that bad things happen, and God is NOT the author.  But there is one thing I can affirm.  That if God is alive and well at the core of our being, good things can emerge from even the worst the world can offer.  Forgiveness, hope, survival, love. . .

These can come out of even the darkest of times.  As Paul affirms, "all things work together for good (not all things are good) for those who love God."  Even oil spills.  Even betrayal.  Hatred.  Out of the worst can come the best.

I struggle with that sometimes.  I can't watch the TV news these days, or shows like Rachael Maddox.  Can't even come close to FOX - scary stuff.  It is just to frustrating.  There is just so much fear, hatred, blindness, greed.  BUT, but, when God is alive and well, good can, will, does, emerge.

Now that is a matter of faith.  Lord give me faith

The Blessing of Complexity

It hit me the other day, as I was reviewing a thematic bible study called Kerygma, that the concept of God in the Bible is anything but static.  In fact what hit me is an odd paradox.  That the more the people got to know God, the less they thought they knew God.  In short, the more confusing and bewildering God and God's ways became.

In the beginning it was so easy.  Be good, prosper.  Be bad, suffer.  God is on your side, you win.  God isn't on your side?  You lose. Faith was all a matter of nice little formulas.  A + B = C.  But the problem was that the formula's didn't work. at least not all the time.  Evil Kings prospered and Good Kings got killed by the enemy.  Bad things happened to good people.  It got confusing!  Just ask Job!  And every time people thought they had it figured out, something happened to make it abundantly clear that they did not.

Alas!  And so confusing!  Anger!  Frustration!  All those things that occur when we don't "get it" surface in the pages of scripture.  It is interesting however.  The more we realize that we can't figure it all out, that we can't put God in a box, or define God with a formula, the bigger God gets.

Or maybe it is better to say the more we understand how big God is. As Brennan Manning says, "the more complex and emotional the image of God becomes in the Bible the bigger He grows, and the more we approach the mystery of His indefinability."

There are times when I wished the formulas worked.  That A + B always equaled C.  When a really good guy (Go with God Mikey O'Conner) dies of cancer, when an oil well explodes and pollutes an ocean, when crackpots get to pretend the nonsense they spout is really news (Glen and Sean), when the rich get their way and the poor get poorer, when a really nice person is afflicted with mental illness.  I wish it worked the way I think it should  -  God?  Why don't you make it so?!

But in the end I am rather glad I don't get my way.  I would be toast!  And in the end, I am glad that there is one thing clear about God.  God loves us.  God gave us the most powerful image possible, the cross, to make sure we understand one unalterable truth.  That we are loved with a ferocious love.  A love that forgives and heals.  A love that allows us to be open, fearless, giving and forgiving ourselves.

I have to remember that critical fact about God.  Yes dear British Petroleum Executives.  Yes Sean and Glen.  Yes members of House and Senate.  Yes, all of you.  God's love is for you as well as me.  No more, no less.  We are all loved.  Saint, sinners, ministers, hookers, rich poor, oil executive, environmentalist... we are all loved by God.  The nature of God's love is outrageous.  Couldn't God arrange to have a little more discretion?  More dignity?

No.  Thank God!

Forgive me God when I struggle to accept your inexplicable, embarrassing love, and for those many times when I do not offer that same love to others. 

He was busy!!

I have been, for most of my life, an incurably busy person.  Pushing my way up as a minister, seeking to move from "success" to "success", from small church, to medium church, to large church.  Building programs through a international disaster relief program, developing curriculum in medicine and spirituality at a medical school, and now building a nonprofit program serving vulnerable people.  Oh, and on the side trying to be a part-time pastor.

And yes, I have "succeeded", at least in some ways.  Churches have grown, grants have been won, people have been served, and my current program is great, multifaceted, and growing.  But, at another level, I wonder.

My first question recently has been related to why I am the way I am?  And my only conclusion is that I am driven by a constant need to prove myself.  To whom?  Good question! I am not so sure about that.  To God?  Probably.  Others? Undoubtedly!  To myself?  Yes, probably most of all to myself.

Why must I do this?  Because somewhere, somehow I got it into my brain that in order to experience love and acceptance one has to earn it, deserve it.  And that one must strive everyday to be a person people look up to, admire, find wise, witty, effective.  Somehow being busy and productive became equated with being lovable. 

Perhaps this is because deep down I realize that I am a paradox.  That I am a lot of contradictory things.  I and smart and foolish, kind and harsh, honest and dishonest, hopeful and hopeless.  I am dark and light, good and bad.  And I have always suspected that if I ever let the "dark" side of myself show, I would be rejected, looked down upon.  Perhaps, and this is the worst of all, pitied.  "Oh you poor dear.  I'll pray for you."  

But this creates a problem.  It means I am always striving, trying, working, hiding, trying to impress.  I am always trying to put my best side forward while trying to hide the parts of me I don't like, or of which I am ashamed.  So I am incurably active, I go around "serving" but I am anxious, distracted, insecure, stiff, and closed.  And the result?

I miss out on a lot. I had a dream the other day.  I dreamed that I had died and that I could hear what people said about my at my funeral.  What did they say?  "He was busy!"

That is not the legacy I want to leave behind.  I want people to say that I cared, that I loved, that I had time, that I listened.  And what struck me was that the only way I would get there, would be to be at ease with myself.  To accept myself enough that I could just "be".  

And how does that happen?  By accepting the acceptance of God.  By experiencing God's love, which is after all, ferocious, and unrelenting.  It is that simple, and that difficult.  That is the path to sainthood.  As Merton put it, "A saint is not someone who is good but someone who experiences the goodness of God."

Secure in God's love, I accept the totality of who I am.  I can accept that I am loved.  And thus I can get outside myself, and be with others.  God has seen me, all of me.  The good, the bad, the skeletons in my closet, everything.  And God loves me.  I can trust in that, accept that gift, and live the gift of grace.

I like the way Brennan Manning describes the person who trusts, really trusts God's love.  "He is not all exhaust and no intake.  She does not impose herself on others.  He listens well because he knows he has so much to learn from others.  Her spirituality enables her to enter the world of the other. . . "

Wow.  That is where I want to be!  I don't want to be merely - busy.  

Grace redux

I have been thinking a lot about grace.  Grace is challenging for me, because grace is not about me.  Grace is about God, and who God does, for me, in me, through me.  I'll be honest.  I have trouble getting past myself.  I am way to self focused.  I don't like that about myself.  But its true, my self focus surfaces in so many ways.  It surfaces when I worry about whether MY sermons will touch anyone.  When it become a workaholic because I seem to think that if I don't keep working hard the universe (or at least my organization, or my church) will grind to a halt.  My self focus comes out in so many destructive ways. It comes out when I get so busy, because after all I have so many important things to do, that I don't focus on, attend to, my staff.  It comes out when all those ideas in my head just MUST come out.  How can I deprive the world of my genius?  It comes out even when I am being insecure, and assume I must somehow prove myself to those around me.

 

Being focused on the self is not just found on that end of the spectrum we call arrogance.  It is also found on that end of the spectrum we call humility.  Its all about me being great, or its all about me being pathetic.  Either way its all about me.  Kind of an interesting paradox.

 

But to continue.  When we are focused on ourselves, either because we think we can do no wrong, or think we can do no right - when we are worried about how we perform, how we are received - we are not in the realm of grace. 

 

Grace is about letting go of all that stuff.  It is to both accept the totality of who we are, the light side and the dark side, and to realize that the totality of who we are, good and bad is ultimately NOT what it is all about.  It is about God - and God's love.  A love that is, as Chesterton once put it, "furious".  

 

Grace is amazing.  Paul Tillich in his book The Shaking of the Foundations talks about grace this way.  "Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness.  It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life. . . It strikes us when, year after year, the longed-for perfection does not appear, when the old compulsions reign within us as they have for decardes. . . sometimes at that moment a wave of light breaks into our darkenss and it is as thought a voice were saying: 'You are accepted. . . ' "

 

Ah, if only I could take my eyes off myself long enough to honestly look to God and God's grace.  There are moments, of course when grace breaks through.  But all too often my focus returns to myself, and I miss the experience of grace.  I confuse my perception of myself for reality.  I am neither as good or bad as I think.  I just am, and the real me is accepted by God, just as I am.

 

But until I can grab hold of faith.  Really grab hold of it.  I will appear arrogant to some, humble to others.  I will struggle for longed for perfection, and fight old compulsions.  I will be hard to love.  And I will be unable to really focus on others.  I will talk too much, and listen too little.

 

And so I struggle, a bundle of paradoxes... hoping that some day, some day, grace will abound. 

 

Visionaries Wanted

I have been reading a wonderful little book by Brennan Manning called "Ruthless Trust."  In that book he makes a wonderful provocative comment.  "Sacred scripture is too important to be left exclusively to biblical scholars.  Theology is too vital to be consigned solely to the province of theologians.  To explore the depths of the God who invites our trust, we need the artists and mystics."

To that I would add, and farmers, teachers, housewives, househusbands, electricians, and . . . . well you get the idea.  Recently some of the most powerful spiritual lessons I have gained have come not from sophisticated intellectuals, or written profundities, but from people whom I have found in my path, day by day.

The other day my brother-in-law Dan was diagnosed with ALS.  My mother died of a variant of this illness almost 20 years ago.  I know how hideous this illness can be.  And so does Dan.  On Easter Sunday I went out to have dinner with he and my sister.  We were talking and I was prepared with all kinds of theological wisdom and pastoral insight.  I asked Dan how he was doing and he replied.  "Fine.  I am not focusing on death, but Sue and I are just going to live as much as we can!"   Wow!

Later than same week I was talking to an older woman.  She has had more than her fair share of tragedy and sorrow, and for her life is never easy.  We were talking about prayer and she was talking about her many family members who are in crisis. I said something about praying "for" them, and she startled me by saying "I never pray for people."  When I hear someone say they are praying for someone, I think it means that they have decided what is wrong with that person, or their situation, and that they believe they know what that person needs.  Then they start telling God how to act and behave. I don't know for sure what a person's needs are, or what wound is present in their heart.  And it is not my job to tell God what to do.  So I just place people in my prayers.  I say 'Oh, and God, there is John, or Jane, or, whomever. Be with them.' "  Again, wow.  I wish I had learned that in seminary.

Brennan had it right!  We need the artists and mystics, the farmers, the people who have the experience of God, and out of that experience, can whet our appetite for the divine.

Thank you my friends

A supposed theologian and scholar

Lifted Up!

Well it is Easter.  And Easter of course is all about resurrection.  We typically think about resurrection in terms of Jesus and the garden.  Or in terms of the "second coming", that great moment of transformation sometime in the future.  But is seems to me that this resurrection ought to have some significance and power - now.  Paul suggests that this should be true in Romans 6 when he writes "If we have been united with him [Jesus] in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. . . Now if we died with Christ, we believe we will also live with him."

Resurrection now!  The very nature of Jesus' resurrection reminds us that resurrection is very very now, very real.  Not vague past or hazy future, but concrete now.

I like what Anne Lamott says in one of her books.  "The thing about Easter is that Jesus comes back from the dead both resurrected and broken, with the wounds from the nails still visible.  He came back with a body, not like Casper or Topper, he didn't come back as the vague idea of a spirit returning.  No, it was a physical, a wounded body."

Resurrection now is earthy.  It is real, physical.  Not just in the sense that there is a real continuation of life, somehow, in some way, at some time, when we die.  But in the sense that it makes a difference in this world - now.  In this world with its brutality and death.  We need to bring the resurrection out of the realm of doctrine and theology, out of the past and future, and bring it into our lives now.  If we do not, we may well find faith ineffective, irrelevant, and powerless.

What does resurrection now look like? How do we experience it?  Paul in Romans 6 suggests it is a matter of giving ourselves over to God, being as Gerald May puts it - willing, experiencing the presence of the risen Jesus in our hearts, and being lifted up that presence into a new way of living and loving.

There are many passages in the Bible that gives us clues about what this might look like.  Be light!  Be salt.  Take care of the "least of these."  The other day I ran across these thought provoking words.  "Just look to see whose budgets are being cut these days, the old, the crazies, the children in Head Start. . that is where Jesus will be. . and that is where we should be."  Resurrection now looks like us, being with the old, the vulnerable - living out our faith, making a difference.

If the resurrection is real, we need a new lifestyle.  Well I can't speak for you.  If the resurrection is real I need a new lifestyle.  One that takes me new places, to new people, with a new focus and new priorities in my head and heart.  Perhaps I need to walk through life with that old and often misused phrase in my head... "What would Jesus do?"  Not pick up an AK-47 - that much I am sure of.  But what would that resurrected Lord do?  What should I do, if I have died with Christ and am raised with Christ, NOW.