Tired

“We all grow tired eventually; it happens to everyone. Even the sun, at the close of the year, is no longer a morning person.”

                                                                           Joyce Rachelle

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I’m tired

Oh, I keep moving

I keep putting one foot in front of the other

I keep getting up

Keep taking walks with Finn the dog

Keep taking pictures

I keep teaching people to manage pain

And keep writing sermons

But I am tired

Exhaustion has woven its way through the fabric of my being

Until I am not longer full awake

Perhaps no longer fully alive

At times I feel more like a robot than a person

With muscles that are simply weak, as if they do not have enough oxygen

A head that will not clear

A mouth that barely works

A mind that would rather shut down

My greatest fear is that people will know that I am

Running on empty

It is not, when I spend time with them, that I do not care

I do

It is not that I don’t want to be there

I do

But my head and heart are empty

And there is a dull roar echoing thought my skull

That 24 hours without sleep kind of buzz

And I know that they are getting such small percentage of who I am

No wonder I do not feel effective these day

No wonder I am not effective these days

Zombies are limited creatures

Only partly alive

There are no easy answers

A little more sleep

A little more white space

 A little more time, reading, reflecting

But in the meantime I keep on

A sermon to write

A bulletin to do

A class to prepare for

A person to listen to

A person to pray for

God, I am at the end of my capacity

Time to lean

On

you