if you say it, mean it

It is incredible dishonesty in the human heart to pray daily that this kingdom should come, that God’s will be done on earth as in heaven, and at the same time to deny that Jesus wants this kingdom to be put into practice on earth. Whoever asks for the rulership of God to come down on earth must believe in it and be wholeheartedly resolved to carry it out.

                     Eberhard Arnold

___________________________________

 

it is an irrevocable fact

that Jesus, in his teachings, was an extremist

 

he did not just parrot the “Word”

he took what was accepted by his faith system as the Word of God

 

and expanded it

reimagined it

 

pushing the way of love to the extreme limits

rejecting the way of resentment and retribution

in an equally extreme way

 

“You have heard it said”

“But I say”

 

in his words

which radicalized everything

he presented a vision for the Kingdom of God

 

and said to those who

were foolish enough to follow

“live this way”

 

and then suggested

that if they would die to ego

die to domination

die to greed

die to hate

 

that if they would take a deep dive

into their very being

they would find the power they needed

to make it happen

 

perhaps more radically yet

he promised that if they turned to

Love with all their heart, soul, and mind

and did so with all their strength

they would find him

even after he was gone

that in some powerful and mystical way

he would be there

in their midst

 

now here we are

thousands of years later

faithful intoning

“thy Kingdom come, thy will be done”

 

there is beauty in that

there is sadness too

 

the sadness of knowing

that we do not live the Kingdom

sometimes we embrace a way openly hostile to what Jesus taught

sometimes we simply turn away sad

from its radical demands

 

while praying for the Kingdom

and claiming Jesus

we continue to hate

judge

dominate

coerce

hoard

 

we are the rich young ruler

the elder brother or sister

the rich person sprinkling crumbs to the poor

 

we are the judgmental one’s

ready to cast stones at the sinner

the money changers in the temple

 

Alas!

how do we get it so wrong?

 

perhaps it is because we have forgotten

to die

 

to let go of ego

of fear

of power

 

perhaps we have forgotten

to let the Presence radicalize us

and make us new creations

 

I cannot pretend that my life

reflects the radicality of the gospel

Alas

 

but still I will pray

“Thy kingdom come”

and mean it

 

still I will pray

“thy will be done”

and mean it

 

and I will resolve

each day

to live out that prayer

 

I will seek to detach more and more

from the things that cause me to deny the Kingdom

 

And I will seek more and more

the Presence

the Power

that transforms and renews

not only myself, but all creation

remembering

Birthdays and family gatherings are a time to remember

a time to wander back through the crumbling neuropathways

of one’s brain

 

to times past

 

this past week I turned 70, and was joined in my rememberings

by sister who

truth be told,

are more aged than I  (although not by much)

 

so there we sat

ages 70, 74, and 77

remembering

 

hot summer days in Lake County, Oregon

4H horse club

treks through the sage and juniper

6am practices for the swim team

 

remembering our parents

our diminutive but powerful mother

who served with joy

 

our tall, lanky father

a physician and a true healer

 

remembering what it was like to grow up

in that small town full of

timber people and ranch people

first generation Irish, Armenians, and more.

 

remembering growing up with the same faces

the same names

first grade through high school

 

remembering how safe it all felt

that small town where people took care of each other

our small family

where mother and father create a free and friendly space

where we were able to grow up

and unfold

and become unique individuals

 

without fear of whether we would be loved or not

mistreated or not

abandoned or not

 

in thinking about this I am aware of how my understanding of

whatever it is that is underneath, in, and over creation

has been shaped by my experience

in that small town,

which supported and cared

and by my kind and loving parents

 

for me the Kingdom of God is like

a village in the high desert

where everyone knows your name

where you are accepted

and cared for and cheered for

 

and that reality we endow

so often

with the inadequate image of father or mother

is shaped by those loving

grace full people who were my parents

 

for me the Sacred is

warm, nurturing, supportive, and safe

reliable

loving

 

I do not have to cower

be afraid

wonder

 

I know all too well

that not all see or experience Sacred this way

 

that for some

the power that is under, in and over all

is not safe

not predictable

not nurturing

 

it is instead

demanding, harsh, and punitive

authoritarian

 

and it is sad to see them

abused children of harsh parents

becoming harsh in their own way

 

abused children of a harsh God

creating their own forms of abuse

seeking to dominate

control

and coerce

 

rather than welcome, and love, and support

 

here is to good parents

human and divine

here is to allow love to overcome

the ways in which we were and are wounded

 

here is to love

enchantment

There are two ways to live in this world:

As if everything were enchanted

or nothing at all

          Christine Valters Paintner

__________________________________

 

I have moments

when I aspire to be a mystic

 

I believe there is something out there

something big

powerful

amazing

creative

loving

 

and that I can connect to this reality

I can find communion

and union

 

I can be absorbed by it

and I can absorb it

 

this absolute power

this absolute love

 

until we are one

 

and so I stop

and breathe

and contemplate

that majesty of the mountain

the grace of the deer

the joy of a child

the freedom of the eagle

 

and there are moments

when I go

 

“Ah, this is it! 

 

but there are moments

when the cat vomits on the rug

when the tyranny of the urgent intrudes

when I am afflicted with messy relationships

and stalked by pain and illness

 

there are moments when I am surrounded by the

noise and detritus of grandchildren

and the painful honesty of children

 

when the phone rings

again

and the email inbox fills up

again

 

and life gets messy

 

that my illusions of being a mystic fade

 

and yet

and yet

 

whatever this is

many call it “God”

 

is in the mess

 

I believe I can only be a mystic

I can only be one who has absorbed the Sacred

and been absorbed by it

 

if I cand do that as a grandfather

as a therapist

as a human

caught up in the messiness of life

 

I must find Love

the creative power of the universe

in everything

 

God (for lack of a better word)

must be in the mountain

but also in the room, filled to overflowing

with dogs and grandchildren

and noise and chaos

 

the Sacred must be present

as on a hot summer after noon

I fall asleep at my computer

and wake fuzzy and confuse

 

God is

I am

we are

 

it is as simple and profound as that

 

traveling light

“Faith is not the clinging to a shrine but an endless pilgrimage of the heart.”

Abraham Joshua Heschel

_________________________________________

 

if I have learned anything in my 70 trips around the sun

it is that faith is a journey and living a life of faith is a pilgrimage.

 

sometimes the journey is coerced

Adam and Eve ousted from the garden,

exiled and excluded, more refugee than pilgrim

 

but on a journey none-the-less.

 

or Moses, fleeing blood stained sand

into the Sinai

 

the journey can be intense and focused,

like the desperate search of the magi following a star

to a newborn king

 

it can be a purposeful march toward a promise,

toward a land flowing with milk and honey

 

or it can simply be a matter of answering an inner call,

as with Abram and Sarai,

who are told to go into the unknown.

 

‘just go!” God demands

I will show you the place when you get there

 

Yeah!  Right!

 

but no matter how it starts

our faith is often a pilgrimage, and

we are pilgrims.

 

stumbling along, seeking to find our way to

the place God will reveal

 

one thing is evident about this journey

 

it must be traveled light

 

Adam and Eve fled naked (perhaps_

the people of Israel packed light

 

things were left behind

 

which makes me wonder

if I am going to be a pilgrim

what do I need to leave behind?

 

one collects a lot over 70 years

things mundane, and things precious

but which is which?

and what is really necessary?

 

I don’t have that many clothes

but I do have artifacts and art from all over the world

(I have been in 72 countries)

and to me they are special

 

I have glass art!

and coins

and books

 

oh, my

do I have books.

 

I love my books!

I often re-read them

I go back to them, like precious friends

 

but which one’s do I really need?

and which ones are expendable

 

but the need to drop baggage by the side of the road

has to do with more than just things!

 

there are beliefs I really need to leave behind

and attitudes,

and expectations

and narratives

and resentments

and

and

so much more

 

so as I enter into another decade

the challenge is clear.

 

I am being called to be a pilgrim.

I am being called to go new, and perhaps unexpected ways.

 

I do not get to settle and cling.

 

but where am I going

how do I get there

and what do I need to carry and what do I need to leave behind

 

God give me the faith to start the journey

the wisdom to travel light

and the faith that know

Love is with me, each step of the way

 

 

Utterly In

I am completely and utterly in God, I cannot fall out of God, I am imperishable.  “Who shall separate us from the love of God?” we can then ask with Paul the mystic: “neither death nor life, height nor depth, neither present nor future”.

                     Dorothee Soelle

________________________________

 

there are days when one feels completely and utterly

alone

 

surrounded perhaps by people

spouses, children,

loved on by pets

 

but still

 

there is that sense of isolation

as the huge gears of the cosmos grind on inexorably

 

as evil people with malignant intent use their power

to control and abuse

 

as people make choices that violate the common good

and wallow in toxic individualism

 

as the globe burns

and a virus spreads

 

and while misery loves company

in our misery we often simply feel

alone

 

not just alone

but helpless and the hopeless

impotent spectators

 

and yet, and yet

all that is sacred

the energy and imagination that brought everything into being

 

is in us

woven into the fabric of our being

 

and we participate in this power, the energy, this love

 

God is in us

We are in God

 

we are completely and utterly in God

we cannot fall out of God

we are

 

imperishable

of at least (since our bodies are quite perishable)

this bond, this connection

this love

 

is imperishable

and we, who we truly, fully are

at our core, are also imperishable

 

and we are never alone

never parted

from the love of God

 

the storm may come

the storm may rage

we may be tossed about

caught up in the chaos

 

but Love is always there

with us as the tempest rages

to calm

and see us through

Creative energy

Try to imagine it, even though you know you cannot: a creative imagination and energy so great that it would produce light, gravity, time, and space . . . galaxies, stars, planets, and oceans . . . mountains, valleys, deserts, and forests . . . . gorillas, dolphins, golden retrievers, and us.

Brian D. McLaren, We Make the Road by Walking

______________________________

 

try to imagine

that force, that power, that reality

that is behind everything

 

everything we see, smell, touch, feel

 

imagine if you can the kind of imagination

creativity

genius

that came up with an aardvark

 

that came up with the quirky

with the vast

with the microscopic

with the grand

 

imagine the giftedness

the power

 

but above all, imagine the love

the love we see in creation

the love we see in the creatures of the earth

the love we see in Jesus

 

such love!

 

imagine being loved that much

and then move beyond imagining

 

move to that place where you accept

that this “great, big, beautiful, mysterious goodness, wholeness, and aliveness”

surrounds you and upholds you

 

and not just you

those around you

the good, the bad, and the ugly

 

the saint and the sinner

 

ah!

how great is the love with which we are loved

that we should be called

the children of God

 

for that is what we are (1 John 3:1)

 

 

 

Why I am here

More than ever before in our history, we need a new kind of personal and social fuel. Not fear, but love. Not prejudice, but openness. Not supremacy, but service. Not inferiority, but equality. Not resentment, but reconciliation. Not isolation, but connection. Not the spirit of hostility, but the holy Spirit of hospitality.

 

So the “most excellent way,” Paul said, is the way of love [1 Corinthians 13:13]. Old markers of gender, religion, culture, and class must recede: “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” [Galatians 3:28] . . . [and] “the only thing that counts is faith working through love” [Galatians 5:6]. Where the Spirit is, love is. Where the Spirit teaches, people learn love.

 

                     Brian D. McLaren, We Make the Road by Walking

                     Quoted by Richard Rohr, Daily Meditations, 7/8/2021

_____________________________________

 

I come from God

at least I come from something I cannot really describe

or encompass

something greater than myself

that I can only know but not understand

 

I come from a power that stand under, over and around

all that is

 

at eventually I will return to that reality from whence I came

at some point whoever brought me here will have to take me home (Rumi)

 

but for now

I stumble through each day

vaguely aware (at times)

acutely aware (at other times)

 

of my original blessing

of the fact that I am meant to be the “image”

of that force that is somehow behind my being

here

 

aware too of how blurred that image can be

 

I have read (somewhere) that the more connected I am

to the root of my root

the more the image emerges

 

sometimes its is almost as if I am a new creation

born again

by Love to be…

 

to be what?

 

ah, that is indeed the question

to be powerful, rich, in control, safe?

 

an awkward idea to have at the foot of the cross!

 

it appears as if the path I am called to trod

takes me not into places of power

but into places of service and vulnerability

even sacrifice

 

I am called to love

I am called, as one who came from Love and will return to Love

to live a life of generosity and kindness

a life of forgiveness and reconciliation

 

I am called to welcome, and embrace

not just the friend, but the stranger

especially the stranger

 

I am called as one who came from Love and will return to Love

to live a life of love

 

that is why

I am

here

God wears our skin! (Incarnation)

God of those who suffer

You wore our flesh

And in the terror of the cross

You wore the outrage of our pain

                     Jan Richardson, In Wisdom’s Path, p. 126

_____________________________________

 

just how far can we take this “incarnation thing”?

I mean seriously!

the very idea!

 

I think most times we shy away

from the radical identification of God

with our often miserable state

 

think of our metaphors and images

footprints in the sand

 

God with us, sure

but not in us

still outside us

deigning, perhaps, to carry us

or not

 

but how satisfying is it to think of a God

standing there, outside

watching our pain and choosing

to respond, or not respond?

 

I remember hearing of a person in an addictions group

sexually, emotionally, and physically abused

recoiling from the footsteps in the sand story

 

“I didn’t want God to carry me” she cried

“I wanted God to make it stop”

 

and yet the idea that God was in her

woven into the fabric of her being

incarnate

going through the pain with her

was something richer and deeper

 

God in her, as she was abused

a new moment on the cross

a kind of death

and yet out of that death

because of the presence, possibility

 

that she could and would rise

 

ah!  present One

ah! Love!

 

You do not merely stand with me

You dwell in me

You are woven into me

enfleshed

 

what I feel, you feel

what I think you experience

 

my pain, my joy

my love

my all

 

sometimes I am your joy

sometimes I am your cross

but always I am yours

and always

I am you

working your purpose out

 

be ever present

incarnate if you will

we are in this

together

 

whatever may come

Don't forget gratitude

Walk your walk of lament on the path of praise

          Rainer Maria Rilke

___________________________

 

they are unrelenting

the hungry ghosts

that linger in the dark recesses of my soul

 

despair

resentment

regret

anger (not always righteous)

assail me from within

 

even while the storm without

grows ever darker and more violent

 

there are days when my body’s reluctance

to get out of bed has less to do

with unrelenting pain

and more to do with unrelenting anguish

 

I am in the territory of lament

 

and that is OK

 

for there is a place in our lives for lament

there are reasons to despair

and regret is collateral damage from morality

anger is sometimes necessary

and resentment, alas, inevitable

 

but it is easy to wander aimlessly

in this wasteland

to turn in on ourselves and endlessly circle

circle

circle

 

lost, aimless

 

we must past through lament

if we are ever to get to joy

 

there are no five happy hops to delight

more like a thousand grim steps

 

but in our walk of lament

we can still walk the path of praise

 

in each moment

even as we plod through the pain

through the lies

and the cruelty

the toxic individualism

that denies the original blessing and blurs the image

 

we can reach for praise

as the sun rises,

praise

as a cat nudges

and a dog lavishes us with affection,

praise

as we observe a random act of kindness,

praise

as we experience love

praise

 

the way through lament is paved

with little praises

 

through praise

God draws us up from the desolate pit,

out of the miry bog,

and sets our feet upon a rock  (Psalm 40:2)

 

so this day I will lament

but this day

I will also praise!

 

I will have gratitude

I will give thanks with all of my heart

and share Love’s marvelous deeds (Psalm 9:1)

 

 

the flawed are called

We can only transform people to the degree that we have been transformed. We can only lead others as far as we ourselves have gone. We have no ability to affirm or to communicate to another person that they are good or special until we know it strongly ourselves  

Richard Rohr – Daily Meditations 7/2/2021

________________________

 

Love it appears

is always incarnational

 

if it is truly Love, it must be fleshed out

made real

 

Love created all that there is!

stating firmly (in my opinion)

“Here I am”  “I am love”

 

When we didn’t get it

Love incarnated again, coming as a squalling child

coming as one who forgave, healed, and welcomed

to remind us

 

and now

in this time and in this place

Love calls people to be people of love

 

But it is not an easy task

being the ongoing incarnation of Love

for we are fearfully and wonderfully made

and we are also a right mess

 

we love power, way too much

we are afraid, way too often

we fall into rank tribalism far too eagerly

 

and our love of money

leads to a plethora of ills

 

and yet, here we are

called

commissioned

set aside

 

to be the ambassadors of Love

to be the image of Love in this world

 

It is the intention of that reality we called Sacred, or God

that when people look at us they go

“Hey look, Love!”

 

Scary, right?

because as has been mentioned, we are a right mess

 

But then it is always the flawed who are called

(we all are flawed and we all are called)

and our flaws are not a problem

 

because here is the truth

we are the ongoing incarnation

we are filled with Love

transformed by Love

empowered by Love

 

and that love leaks out

 

perhaps that is the way things were intended

that Love would work through such flawed people as

Abraham, Moses, Aaron, David,

Peter, Paul,

You and I

 

so that “no one should boast” (says Paul)

so that it should be clear

this when we serve Love

it is through a power not our own

 

I may be a mess

You may be a mess

But we are God’s mess

We are love's handiwork

set aside to do the work of Love

 

 

 

it was good

Love created

and it was good

very good

 

this was the original blessing

this goodness that fills everything

 

the mountain that looms

the sea that crashes

the creek that bubbles

 

this is the goodness that makes

saints of all four-legged animals (Thomas Merton)

and perhap a few two-legged ones too

 

this goodness is Sacred

the Sacred is goodness

 

and it is all too often forgotten!

the original blessing soon forgotten

paradise lost

Eden exchanged for a wasteland

 

and so we trod, snake infested ground

sterile ground

unaware of the blessing

which we have left behind

 

and yet there is goodness all around us

there is goodness within us

there is goodness in our play

and goodness in our work

 

goodness lies deep

it is woven into the fabric of everything

for goodness flows

from the good heart of God

and permeates all

 

the earth is good

life is good

we are good

very good indeed

 

 

 

so let us wake up to the goodness

let us look for it and find it

in the earth

in those around us

and in ourselves

 

and live life

with open hearts

open minds

open eyes

and open hands

 

for we are God’s workmanship

and that

is very, very good

 

 

Live Goodness

[Julian] tells us that Goodness “is the quality of God that meets evil with good.”  For her retrieving and remembering goodness and recovering a sense of goodness, is at the heart of combatting suffering and evil.

              Matthew Fox, Julian of Norwich: Wisdom in a time of Pandemic – and Beyond

 

hello heatwave!

I watch as the normally verdant valley

bakes to brown

and hardy shrubs with and succumb

 

the heat sucks  the life out of one’s soul

and one can only trudge through the day

scorched and listless

 

it is a wasteland out there

a desert

 

in more ways than one

 

hello suffering and evil!

they too seem to bear relentless down

suppressing and oppressing

 

leaving us sucked dry

and wondering

 

sometimes we merely attempt to hide

sometimes we battle

the heat and the evil alike

 

but just as we cannot battle heat with heat

we cannot battle evil with evil

we cannot return hate for hate

 

there is no solution

in such a response

 

it is tempting sometimes

to “own” the enemy

and the slide into retribution

there is momentary satisfaction in the scathing reply

 

but then

there we are

standing in the wilderness

devastation all around

Adam and Eve in exile

 

only cooling clouds and life giving rain

can break a drought

 

only goodness can combat evil

 

 

it is no mystery why Paul the Apostle implored

overcome evil with good

 

it is the way of God

it is the way of Jesus

it is the way of the cross

 

this day

even as the heat intensifies

my the cooling presence of grace

calm the fires within

as we seek to combat the fires without

 

this day may I wander into the coolness

of those deep places

where love lives

 

and remember

remember

remember

goodness

 

and then, live it

 

 

At the Crossroads

Thou who dwells at the crossroads

bless the choices gone before

the roads not taken

the thresholds not crossed

the lives not lived

 

on the terrain that we have chosen

may we travel lightly

shed of regrets

and shorn of illusions

of other landscapes

that we reckoned

and did not choose to cross

                     Jan Richardson, p. 119, In Wisdom’s Path

________________________________

 

life is full of choices

small choices

about breakfast and shirts

 

larger choices

about tasks to be done

and left undone

 

and those large heavy and choices

about careers

and relationships

 

about behaviors good and bad

that carry with them

consequences weighty

 

at times one cannot help but ponder

about choices made

decisions that changed the course of a lifetime

 

and one cannot help but wonder

what if

what if I had not made that choice

done that deed

gone that direction

 

what would my life have been like?

who would I have been?

 

Some of the most impactful choices I have made

Have been the one’s made in the heat of the moment

when my spontaneous and undisciplined soul

has veered right, or left

 

when I have jumped with both feet

into the swamp

when for the worse of reasons

I have chosen poorly, and seen my life unravel

 

there have been those larger choices too

the choice of a career

where I chose theology over English

the choices about who to marry

and which job to take

 

and yes

I wonder how my life had been different

If I had not jumped into that swamp

or if I had turned right instead of left

 

but there is one thing that I do know

even as I have tried to make the next “right” choice

even as I have both succeeded and failed

one thing has remained constant

 

grace

 

while it is clear that because of my choices

certain doors were closed

it is also clear that in spite of my choices

door continued to open

 

even though at moments if felt as if there were

no way forward

as if I were trapped

and there was no exit

 

there was always a way forward

always an exit

 

always a something new

 

would those other lives

I once imagined have been better?

richer?

deeper?

 

perhaps

 

but I walk the path I have chosen

and love walks with me

 

and while I can learn from the past

and learn from choices made and unmade

in the end

the road goes on forever

into a future ever shaped by love and redemption

into eternity

 

so may I travel lightly

with few regrets, without false illusions

about what might have been

may I travel lightly

rejoicing in what is, and kissing the joy

as if flies! (Blake)

 

for God is doing a new thing

always

can we not see it?

Gradually Growing

What nine months of attention does for an embryo

Forty early mornings will do

For your gradually growing wholeness.

                     Rumi

_________________________________________

 

we are always pilgrims

if we are alive

always moving toward something new

 

a new task

a new relationship

a new understanding

a new birth

 

but it always a journey

a process

 

Abram spent years in the wilderness

Before he became Abraham

 

Moses journeyed from princely power

to being a Bedouin shepherd

before helping set his people free

and meeting God by a burning bush

 

David went from being one so unpromising

as to not be invited to an anointing

to being the anointed

and then a King after God’s own heart

 

and even then, he journeyed through betrayal

and violence, infidelity and murder

to being one who jotted down psalms of

confession and anguish

and hope

 

who knows what inner process Mary went through

before her “yes” to the angel

who knows what kind of inner journey enabled her

birth the Sacred

with her youthful body

 

Always there is a journey

Jesus in the wilderness

Paul on the road to Damascus, and then

in dark loneliness of blindness

 

we all must journey

my journey so far has been full of twists and turns

straight paths have turned torturous

safe paths threatening

 

failure has been snatched from the of jaws of success

 

some paths have come to an end

 

and yet the process continues

for every ending means a beginning

in every failure is the seed of a new journey

 

this day I sit

as the earth burns

and my soul struggles to rise from lethargy

and I understand

 

it is time to get up

and begin again

to move, left foot, right foot, left foot (breathe)

into the unknown

 

to go to the place the Sacred with show me

(I hope)

 

It is time to say yes