enchantment

There are two ways to live in this world:

As if everything were enchanted

or nothing at all

          Christine Valters Paintner

__________________________________

 

I have moments

when I aspire to be a mystic

 

I believe there is something out there

something big

powerful

amazing

creative

loving

 

and that I can connect to this reality

I can find communion

and union

 

I can be absorbed by it

and I can absorb it

 

this absolute power

this absolute love

 

until we are one

 

and so I stop

and breathe

and contemplate

that majesty of the mountain

the grace of the deer

the joy of a child

the freedom of the eagle

 

and there are moments

when I go

 

“Ah, this is it! 

 

but there are moments

when the cat vomits on the rug

when the tyranny of the urgent intrudes

when I am afflicted with messy relationships

and stalked by pain and illness

 

there are moments when I am surrounded by the

noise and detritus of grandchildren

and the painful honesty of children

 

when the phone rings

again

and the email inbox fills up

again

 

and life gets messy

 

that my illusions of being a mystic fade

 

and yet

and yet

 

whatever this is

many call it “God”

 

is in the mess

 

I believe I can only be a mystic

I can only be one who has absorbed the Sacred

and been absorbed by it

 

if I cand do that as a grandfather

as a therapist

as a human

caught up in the messiness of life

 

I must find Love

the creative power of the universe

in everything

 

God (for lack of a better word)

must be in the mountain

but also in the room, filled to overflowing

with dogs and grandchildren

and noise and chaos

 

the Sacred must be present

as on a hot summer after noon

I fall asleep at my computer

and wake fuzzy and confuse

 

God is

I am

we are

 

it is as simple and profound as that