traveling light

“Faith is not the clinging to a shrine but an endless pilgrimage of the heart.”

Abraham Joshua Heschel

_________________________________________

 

if I have learned anything in my 70 trips around the sun

it is that faith is a journey and living a life of faith is a pilgrimage.

 

sometimes the journey is coerced

Adam and Eve ousted from the garden,

exiled and excluded, more refugee than pilgrim

 

but on a journey none-the-less.

 

or Moses, fleeing blood stained sand

into the Sinai

 

the journey can be intense and focused,

like the desperate search of the magi following a star

to a newborn king

 

it can be a purposeful march toward a promise,

toward a land flowing with milk and honey

 

or it can simply be a matter of answering an inner call,

as with Abram and Sarai,

who are told to go into the unknown.

 

‘just go!” God demands

I will show you the place when you get there

 

Yeah!  Right!

 

but no matter how it starts

our faith is often a pilgrimage, and

we are pilgrims.

 

stumbling along, seeking to find our way to

the place God will reveal

 

one thing is evident about this journey

 

it must be traveled light

 

Adam and Eve fled naked (perhaps_

the people of Israel packed light

 

things were left behind

 

which makes me wonder

if I am going to be a pilgrim

what do I need to leave behind?

 

one collects a lot over 70 years

things mundane, and things precious

but which is which?

and what is really necessary?

 

I don’t have that many clothes

but I do have artifacts and art from all over the world

(I have been in 72 countries)

and to me they are special

 

I have glass art!

and coins

and books

 

oh, my

do I have books.

 

I love my books!

I often re-read them

I go back to them, like precious friends

 

but which one’s do I really need?

and which ones are expendable

 

but the need to drop baggage by the side of the road

has to do with more than just things!

 

there are beliefs I really need to leave behind

and attitudes,

and expectations

and narratives

and resentments

and

and

so much more

 

so as I enter into another decade

the challenge is clear.

 

I am being called to be a pilgrim.

I am being called to go new, and perhaps unexpected ways.

 

I do not get to settle and cling.

 

but where am I going

how do I get there

and what do I need to carry and what do I need to leave behind

 

God give me the faith to start the journey

the wisdom to travel light

and the faith that know

Love is with me, each step of the way

 

 

Utterly In

I am completely and utterly in God, I cannot fall out of God, I am imperishable.  “Who shall separate us from the love of God?” we can then ask with Paul the mystic: “neither death nor life, height nor depth, neither present nor future”.

                     Dorothee Soelle

________________________________

 

there are days when one feels completely and utterly

alone

 

surrounded perhaps by people

spouses, children,

loved on by pets

 

but still

 

there is that sense of isolation

as the huge gears of the cosmos grind on inexorably

 

as evil people with malignant intent use their power

to control and abuse

 

as people make choices that violate the common good

and wallow in toxic individualism

 

as the globe burns

and a virus spreads

 

and while misery loves company

in our misery we often simply feel

alone

 

not just alone

but helpless and the hopeless

impotent spectators

 

and yet, and yet

all that is sacred

the energy and imagination that brought everything into being

 

is in us

woven into the fabric of our being

 

and we participate in this power, the energy, this love

 

God is in us

We are in God

 

we are completely and utterly in God

we cannot fall out of God

we are

 

imperishable

of at least (since our bodies are quite perishable)

this bond, this connection

this love

 

is imperishable

and we, who we truly, fully are

at our core, are also imperishable

 

and we are never alone

never parted

from the love of God

 

the storm may come

the storm may rage

we may be tossed about

caught up in the chaos

 

but Love is always there

with us as the tempest rages

to calm

and see us through

Creative energy

Try to imagine it, even though you know you cannot: a creative imagination and energy so great that it would produce light, gravity, time, and space . . . galaxies, stars, planets, and oceans . . . mountains, valleys, deserts, and forests . . . . gorillas, dolphins, golden retrievers, and us.

Brian D. McLaren, We Make the Road by Walking

______________________________

 

try to imagine

that force, that power, that reality

that is behind everything

 

everything we see, smell, touch, feel

 

imagine if you can the kind of imagination

creativity

genius

that came up with an aardvark

 

that came up with the quirky

with the vast

with the microscopic

with the grand

 

imagine the giftedness

the power

 

but above all, imagine the love

the love we see in creation

the love we see in the creatures of the earth

the love we see in Jesus

 

such love!

 

imagine being loved that much

and then move beyond imagining

 

move to that place where you accept

that this “great, big, beautiful, mysterious goodness, wholeness, and aliveness”

surrounds you and upholds you

 

and not just you

those around you

the good, the bad, and the ugly

 

the saint and the sinner

 

ah!

how great is the love with which we are loved

that we should be called

the children of God

 

for that is what we are (1 John 3:1)

 

 

 

Why I am here

More than ever before in our history, we need a new kind of personal and social fuel. Not fear, but love. Not prejudice, but openness. Not supremacy, but service. Not inferiority, but equality. Not resentment, but reconciliation. Not isolation, but connection. Not the spirit of hostility, but the holy Spirit of hospitality.

 

So the “most excellent way,” Paul said, is the way of love [1 Corinthians 13:13]. Old markers of gender, religion, culture, and class must recede: “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” [Galatians 3:28] . . . [and] “the only thing that counts is faith working through love” [Galatians 5:6]. Where the Spirit is, love is. Where the Spirit teaches, people learn love.

 

                     Brian D. McLaren, We Make the Road by Walking

                     Quoted by Richard Rohr, Daily Meditations, 7/8/2021

_____________________________________

 

I come from God

at least I come from something I cannot really describe

or encompass

something greater than myself

that I can only know but not understand

 

I come from a power that stand under, over and around

all that is

 

at eventually I will return to that reality from whence I came

at some point whoever brought me here will have to take me home (Rumi)

 

but for now

I stumble through each day

vaguely aware (at times)

acutely aware (at other times)

 

of my original blessing

of the fact that I am meant to be the “image”

of that force that is somehow behind my being

here

 

aware too of how blurred that image can be

 

I have read (somewhere) that the more connected I am

to the root of my root

the more the image emerges

 

sometimes its is almost as if I am a new creation

born again

by Love to be…

 

to be what?

 

ah, that is indeed the question

to be powerful, rich, in control, safe?

 

an awkward idea to have at the foot of the cross!

 

it appears as if the path I am called to trod

takes me not into places of power

but into places of service and vulnerability

even sacrifice

 

I am called to love

I am called, as one who came from Love and will return to Love

to live a life of generosity and kindness

a life of forgiveness and reconciliation

 

I am called to welcome, and embrace

not just the friend, but the stranger

especially the stranger

 

I am called as one who came from Love and will return to Love

to live a life of love

 

that is why

I am

here

God wears our skin! (Incarnation)

God of those who suffer

You wore our flesh

And in the terror of the cross

You wore the outrage of our pain

                     Jan Richardson, In Wisdom’s Path, p. 126

_____________________________________

 

just how far can we take this “incarnation thing”?

I mean seriously!

the very idea!

 

I think most times we shy away

from the radical identification of God

with our often miserable state

 

think of our metaphors and images

footprints in the sand

 

God with us, sure

but not in us

still outside us

deigning, perhaps, to carry us

or not

 

but how satisfying is it to think of a God

standing there, outside

watching our pain and choosing

to respond, or not respond?

 

I remember hearing of a person in an addictions group

sexually, emotionally, and physically abused

recoiling from the footsteps in the sand story

 

“I didn’t want God to carry me” she cried

“I wanted God to make it stop”

 

and yet the idea that God was in her

woven into the fabric of her being

incarnate

going through the pain with her

was something richer and deeper

 

God in her, as she was abused

a new moment on the cross

a kind of death

and yet out of that death

because of the presence, possibility

 

that she could and would rise

 

ah!  present One

ah! Love!

 

You do not merely stand with me

You dwell in me

You are woven into me

enfleshed

 

what I feel, you feel

what I think you experience

 

my pain, my joy

my love

my all

 

sometimes I am your joy

sometimes I am your cross

but always I am yours

and always

I am you

working your purpose out

 

be ever present

incarnate if you will

we are in this

together

 

whatever may come

Don't forget gratitude

Walk your walk of lament on the path of praise

          Rainer Maria Rilke

___________________________

 

they are unrelenting

the hungry ghosts

that linger in the dark recesses of my soul

 

despair

resentment

regret

anger (not always righteous)

assail me from within

 

even while the storm without

grows ever darker and more violent

 

there are days when my body’s reluctance

to get out of bed has less to do

with unrelenting pain

and more to do with unrelenting anguish

 

I am in the territory of lament

 

and that is OK

 

for there is a place in our lives for lament

there are reasons to despair

and regret is collateral damage from morality

anger is sometimes necessary

and resentment, alas, inevitable

 

but it is easy to wander aimlessly

in this wasteland

to turn in on ourselves and endlessly circle

circle

circle

 

lost, aimless

 

we must past through lament

if we are ever to get to joy

 

there are no five happy hops to delight

more like a thousand grim steps

 

but in our walk of lament

we can still walk the path of praise

 

in each moment

even as we plod through the pain

through the lies

and the cruelty

the toxic individualism

that denies the original blessing and blurs the image

 

we can reach for praise

as the sun rises,

praise

as a cat nudges

and a dog lavishes us with affection,

praise

as we observe a random act of kindness,

praise

as we experience love

praise

 

the way through lament is paved

with little praises

 

through praise

God draws us up from the desolate pit,

out of the miry bog,

and sets our feet upon a rock  (Psalm 40:2)

 

so this day I will lament

but this day

I will also praise!

 

I will have gratitude

I will give thanks with all of my heart

and share Love’s marvelous deeds (Psalm 9:1)

 

 

the flawed are called

We can only transform people to the degree that we have been transformed. We can only lead others as far as we ourselves have gone. We have no ability to affirm or to communicate to another person that they are good or special until we know it strongly ourselves  

Richard Rohr – Daily Meditations 7/2/2021

________________________

 

Love it appears

is always incarnational

 

if it is truly Love, it must be fleshed out

made real

 

Love created all that there is!

stating firmly (in my opinion)

“Here I am”  “I am love”

 

When we didn’t get it

Love incarnated again, coming as a squalling child

coming as one who forgave, healed, and welcomed

to remind us

 

and now

in this time and in this place

Love calls people to be people of love

 

But it is not an easy task

being the ongoing incarnation of Love

for we are fearfully and wonderfully made

and we are also a right mess

 

we love power, way too much

we are afraid, way too often

we fall into rank tribalism far too eagerly

 

and our love of money

leads to a plethora of ills

 

and yet, here we are

called

commissioned

set aside

 

to be the ambassadors of Love

to be the image of Love in this world

 

It is the intention of that reality we called Sacred, or God

that when people look at us they go

“Hey look, Love!”

 

Scary, right?

because as has been mentioned, we are a right mess

 

But then it is always the flawed who are called

(we all are flawed and we all are called)

and our flaws are not a problem

 

because here is the truth

we are the ongoing incarnation

we are filled with Love

transformed by Love

empowered by Love

 

and that love leaks out

 

perhaps that is the way things were intended

that Love would work through such flawed people as

Abraham, Moses, Aaron, David,

Peter, Paul,

You and I

 

so that “no one should boast” (says Paul)

so that it should be clear

this when we serve Love

it is through a power not our own

 

I may be a mess

You may be a mess

But we are God’s mess

We are love's handiwork

set aside to do the work of Love

 

 

 

it was good

Love created

and it was good

very good

 

this was the original blessing

this goodness that fills everything

 

the mountain that looms

the sea that crashes

the creek that bubbles

 

this is the goodness that makes

saints of all four-legged animals (Thomas Merton)

and perhap a few two-legged ones too

 

this goodness is Sacred

the Sacred is goodness

 

and it is all too often forgotten!

the original blessing soon forgotten

paradise lost

Eden exchanged for a wasteland

 

and so we trod, snake infested ground

sterile ground

unaware of the blessing

which we have left behind

 

and yet there is goodness all around us

there is goodness within us

there is goodness in our play

and goodness in our work

 

goodness lies deep

it is woven into the fabric of everything

for goodness flows

from the good heart of God

and permeates all

 

the earth is good

life is good

we are good

very good indeed

 

 

 

so let us wake up to the goodness

let us look for it and find it

in the earth

in those around us

and in ourselves

 

and live life

with open hearts

open minds

open eyes

and open hands

 

for we are God’s workmanship

and that

is very, very good

 

 

Live Goodness

[Julian] tells us that Goodness “is the quality of God that meets evil with good.”  For her retrieving and remembering goodness and recovering a sense of goodness, is at the heart of combatting suffering and evil.

              Matthew Fox, Julian of Norwich: Wisdom in a time of Pandemic – and Beyond

 

hello heatwave!

I watch as the normally verdant valley

bakes to brown

and hardy shrubs with and succumb

 

the heat sucks  the life out of one’s soul

and one can only trudge through the day

scorched and listless

 

it is a wasteland out there

a desert

 

in more ways than one

 

hello suffering and evil!

they too seem to bear relentless down

suppressing and oppressing

 

leaving us sucked dry

and wondering

 

sometimes we merely attempt to hide

sometimes we battle

the heat and the evil alike

 

but just as we cannot battle heat with heat

we cannot battle evil with evil

we cannot return hate for hate

 

there is no solution

in such a response

 

it is tempting sometimes

to “own” the enemy

and the slide into retribution

there is momentary satisfaction in the scathing reply

 

but then

there we are

standing in the wilderness

devastation all around

Adam and Eve in exile

 

only cooling clouds and life giving rain

can break a drought

 

only goodness can combat evil

 

 

it is no mystery why Paul the Apostle implored

overcome evil with good

 

it is the way of God

it is the way of Jesus

it is the way of the cross

 

this day

even as the heat intensifies

my the cooling presence of grace

calm the fires within

as we seek to combat the fires without

 

this day may I wander into the coolness

of those deep places

where love lives

 

and remember

remember

remember

goodness

 

and then, live it

 

 

At the Crossroads

Thou who dwells at the crossroads

bless the choices gone before

the roads not taken

the thresholds not crossed

the lives not lived

 

on the terrain that we have chosen

may we travel lightly

shed of regrets

and shorn of illusions

of other landscapes

that we reckoned

and did not choose to cross

                     Jan Richardson, p. 119, In Wisdom’s Path

________________________________

 

life is full of choices

small choices

about breakfast and shirts

 

larger choices

about tasks to be done

and left undone

 

and those large heavy and choices

about careers

and relationships

 

about behaviors good and bad

that carry with them

consequences weighty

 

at times one cannot help but ponder

about choices made

decisions that changed the course of a lifetime

 

and one cannot help but wonder

what if

what if I had not made that choice

done that deed

gone that direction

 

what would my life have been like?

who would I have been?

 

Some of the most impactful choices I have made

Have been the one’s made in the heat of the moment

when my spontaneous and undisciplined soul

has veered right, or left

 

when I have jumped with both feet

into the swamp

when for the worse of reasons

I have chosen poorly, and seen my life unravel

 

there have been those larger choices too

the choice of a career

where I chose theology over English

the choices about who to marry

and which job to take

 

and yes

I wonder how my life had been different

If I had not jumped into that swamp

or if I had turned right instead of left

 

but there is one thing that I do know

even as I have tried to make the next “right” choice

even as I have both succeeded and failed

one thing has remained constant

 

grace

 

while it is clear that because of my choices

certain doors were closed

it is also clear that in spite of my choices

door continued to open

 

even though at moments if felt as if there were

no way forward

as if I were trapped

and there was no exit

 

there was always a way forward

always an exit

 

always a something new

 

would those other lives

I once imagined have been better?

richer?

deeper?

 

perhaps

 

but I walk the path I have chosen

and love walks with me

 

and while I can learn from the past

and learn from choices made and unmade

in the end

the road goes on forever

into a future ever shaped by love and redemption

into eternity

 

so may I travel lightly

with few regrets, without false illusions

about what might have been

may I travel lightly

rejoicing in what is, and kissing the joy

as if flies! (Blake)

 

for God is doing a new thing

always

can we not see it?

Gradually Growing

What nine months of attention does for an embryo

Forty early mornings will do

For your gradually growing wholeness.

                     Rumi

_________________________________________

 

we are always pilgrims

if we are alive

always moving toward something new

 

a new task

a new relationship

a new understanding

a new birth

 

but it always a journey

a process

 

Abram spent years in the wilderness

Before he became Abraham

 

Moses journeyed from princely power

to being a Bedouin shepherd

before helping set his people free

and meeting God by a burning bush

 

David went from being one so unpromising

as to not be invited to an anointing

to being the anointed

and then a King after God’s own heart

 

and even then, he journeyed through betrayal

and violence, infidelity and murder

to being one who jotted down psalms of

confession and anguish

and hope

 

who knows what inner process Mary went through

before her “yes” to the angel

who knows what kind of inner journey enabled her

birth the Sacred

with her youthful body

 

Always there is a journey

Jesus in the wilderness

Paul on the road to Damascus, and then

in dark loneliness of blindness

 

we all must journey

my journey so far has been full of twists and turns

straight paths have turned torturous

safe paths threatening

 

failure has been snatched from the of jaws of success

 

some paths have come to an end

 

and yet the process continues

for every ending means a beginning

in every failure is the seed of a new journey

 

this day I sit

as the earth burns

and my soul struggles to rise from lethargy

and I understand

 

it is time to get up

and begin again

to move, left foot, right foot, left foot (breathe)

into the unknown

 

to go to the place the Sacred with show me

(I hope)

 

It is time to say yes

Free to Be

God leaves us free to be whatever we like.  We can be ourselves or not, as we please.  We are at liberty to be real, or to be unreal. We may be true or false, the choice is ours. We may wear now one mask and now another, and never, if we so desire, appear with our own true face.

                     Thomas Merton, “New Seeds of Contemplation”

___________________________

 

I have an indigenous friend

who suggests we are all born with “original medicine”

 

we are all good medicine

in her opinion

blessed with a unique combination of gifts, talents and resources

 

and our goal in life

is to use this medicine to heal

to transform, using our unique alchemy

the people, the world around us

 

to change it for the good

 

but along the way we often lose touch

with our original medicine, our true self

 

others tell us who we are

parents, sibling, friends

teachers, pastors, employers

 

and we reach a point where we are no longer

true to ourselves

 

but this true self

is always with us

we carry it in our bones

 

and this self

is what we find when we find the Sacred within

when we go deep, into that place where Sacred dwells

our false self dies

it is buried

 

and our true self is resurrected

awakened

 

we rediscover our original medicine

our original blessingto

 

and become new

and it is this new self, that God uses

to transform the world

 

having died (at least to some degree) to the false things

having thrown out the things that keep us from being

a balm to the world

 

we are freed

for peace and joy

and freed to bring peace and joy to others

 

this day

may we take a moment

perhaps as we watch the sun rise

perhaps as we pray, or meditate

to allow our souls to catch up with our bodies

 

may we take a moment to breathe

and go deep

may we touch our original medicine

and then

walk into the day, consecrated

and ready to be

a blessing

All Good Gifts

It is God’s will that we do all in our power to keep ourselves strong, for happiness is everlasting and pain is passing and will end.

                     Julian of Norwich

 

For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure,

                     Paul (2 Corinthians 4:17)

________________________________________

 

they come to me at night

they sneak, unbidden, into my mind during the day

 

those ruminations

about what has been

what is

and what might be

 

it is so easy to dwell on the bad news

on the traumas of life

 

on that moment when you made a decision that would alter

the trajectory of your life

 

that moment when planes crashed into the twin towers

 

that moment when hate won an election

 

it is important to face such moments

for while “not everything faced can be changed,

nothing can be changed until it is faced” (James Baldwin)

 

we must face systematic racism

we must face a looming nationalism

we must face the pandemic

we must face our own flaws and failures

 

but to make the bad news the focus of our lives

will wound us

cripple us

 

there are lessons to be learned from “the bad”

lessons about God

lessons about ourselves

 

but to ruminate on ill

to turn it over and over in our heads

until it dominates and controls

 

is to let it define us

 

we must face the bad

we must pick it up, examine it, prod it

and then we must lay it down

 

and find what is good

and pick it up, examine it, prod it

embrace it

 

ah there is it

that fawn, teetering across the pasture

those two calves, cavorting and flirting with Finn the dog

 

the sun, peeking out above the Seven Devils

the smell of lilacs

the intrusive affection of a cat

 

it is the good that gives us strength

God in creation

God in us

all the good gifts of heaven

 

Summer solstice

today

on this day when light eclipses dark

on this longest day of the year

 

I think of the dark night of the soul

of that deep ponderous place

where if feels as if all the life has been

sucked out of one’s soul

 

where all meaning has collapsed

leaving the rubble of uncertainty and unknowing

 

there seems no way forward

and the meaning you had before

seems invalid

 

it is bad enough

that we experience ourselves

these moments of collapse

 

but it is terrifying when it seems

as if we are in the dark night of society (Rabbi Heschel)

where community crumbles

 

and even, perhaps,

the dark night of the species (Matthew Fox)

as we face a failing planet

failing compassion

failing democracies

 

as we see QAnon flourish

and lies canonized

and deficit human beings idolized

 

and watch the world collapse and burn

around us

 

even if we find our own small Edens

even if we manage to find our way to some small

island of meaning,

 

still the darkness looms

devouring the light

 

acedia sets in

and instead of carrying the weight of glory

we are ground down by the weight of our mortal flesh

 

in this moment we are driven to the essential questions

 

Why am I here?

Whom or what will I serve?

 

I remember the plea of Joshua

Choose this day

Choose this day whom you will serve

 

That I can do

I will serve the Lord

which is the same as saying “I will serve Love”

 

and if I serve Love

then I know why I am here

to love

 

I am here to “do good works” (Paul)

I am here to “do justice, love kindness, walk humbly” (Micah)

I am here to “love God and love my neighbor as myself” (Jesus)

 

I am here to reflect my divine DNA

and show forth the imago Dei

 

today is a new day

it is the longest day of the year

and this day I will choose whom I will serve

and this day I will remember why I am here

 

this day, I will walk in the light

today I will try to be light

a light in the darkness

that cannot be put out

Can we not see it?

In the Christ story we move through dizzying and disorienting chaos

from the delusional exultation of Palm Sunday

to the profound conflicts with the status quo

to the table tossing act of rebellion

 

into the quiet of the upper room

and the gentle, painful discourses

as one who was leaving comforted those who would remain

 

to the agonizing stillness of Gethsemane

that last prayer, that tortured plea

the arrest

trial

torment

murder

 

the tomb

 

days of quiet despair

 

and then

the tomb empty

questions and confusion

appearances, conversations

walks on the road, times at he table

bread broken

 

Jesus is risen, present, here

Somehow

 

but then, still

fear and hiding

more questions, more confusion

disciples huddled in a secluded room

 

and then finally

the Gift

 

which came as the sound of roaring wind

blowing them out of their liminal space

which came as fire

lighting them up with love and hope

and hospitality

 

words spoken, words heard

community created

people united

drawn together, infused with

drunk with love

 

and so a new norm

a new reality

 

God is doing a new thing!

 

God is always doing a new thing!

Can we not see it? (Isaiah 43)

 

Often, No!

 

think of the disciples

after the new of Mary!

“He is risen”

 

going back to what had always been

going fishing

back to the lake

back to their nets

back to emptiness

 

but then Jesus showed up!

the nets were filled

and then left behind for newness

a new kind of “fishing”

 

think of Peter, wanting so badly to hang on

to all that had been

seeing the blanket filled with “unclean things”

Yuk!

and then hearing the voice of God

“do not call unclean with I have made clean”

 

ordinary time is not ordinary

it is not a time to take a deep breath

after profound times of crisis

 

it is not a time to say

“I’m glad that is over”

 

it is the doorway into the extraordinary

the new

 

it is water in the desert

roads in the wilderness

 

it is the beginning of a new, always new journey

 

we do not get to “go back”

we never get to go back

we are always moving, always growing

always pressing forward

to the goal that is ours

 

to which God has called us (Phil 3)

 

this is the new ordinary

this almost post-Covid time

this retirement time

this aging time

 

it is a time for newness

a time to let go of what has not worked

what has never worked

domination

accumulation

individualism

 

and grab hold of

service

generosity

and community

 

it is time to try new things

as a nation

as a church

as Sacred children

 

because doing that

moving toward what is always new

is God’s

ordinary

 

Version 70.0

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world

Today I am wise, so I am changing myself

                     Rumi

_____________________

 

is there within reach

so close I can almost smell it

 

another ending

another dying

 

after close to 20 years

it is time to leave an organization that I led

expanded

developed

 

it is time to walk away from a role

an identity

 

70 looms around the corner, only weeks away

and now

life impels me to move on

 

to defuse, to leave behind

a little death

 

anytime we near a death

we ponder

we look back, and we wonder

 

was it worth it?

did I accomplish anything?

did the good outweigh the bad?

do people remember me with admiration,

or think of me with disdain?

 

“Oh, that guy!  Let me tell you about HIM!”

 

did I make a difference?

 

which of course

may be the wrong question (although not entirely wrong)

 

perhaps the real question

is did I change?

did I learn

did I discover, or perhaps rediscover the Imago Dei

within myself?

 

or rather

did I learn to die and be reborn

did I learn to accept that kind of death and kind of resurrection

that occurs not just once, but over and over again

as we are created and recreated by Love

in order to be Love

 

did I allow myself to change,

or rather, to be changed?

 

I suspect it would be a sad thing

to look in the mirror and see the same person

who graduated from high school in 1969

who became a minister in 1977

who became a hot mess in 1990

 

the fact is there have been many recreations along the way

I have died and been reborn more times than I can count

and I believe I will be eternally changing

dying

rising

dying and rising again

 

it appears I have a choice

I can see such moments as this as an ending

or merely as  another moment

when Sacred takes me apart

cleans me up

and puts me back together again

 

version 70.0

allelulia

I am risen, I am risen indeed

little old people

Where did that boy go

who with the crew cut and goofy glasses

looked out on the world so long ago?

 

where did that person go

who dreamed big dreams

and thought he could be anything he wanted

 

and that life would be easy

 

who thought that the good people won

and that evil was defeated

always

 

where did that one go who

so easily accepted the version of God

so blithely presented by his church?

 

how did it all get so complicated

and tortured?

 

it has not been a bad life

it has not been an easy life either (although to some it may look to be so)

I have my issues, my flaws

 

at times it feels as if my weaknesses cancel out my strengths

my mistakes invalidate my accomplishments

 

I am not who I thought I was

looking out so long ago

the world is not what I thought it was

God is not who I thought God was

 

and it is OK

 

I was thinking about the church year

Advent and Christmas, and those high holy days

of white

 

baby Jesus, the manger, magicians and stars

 

of Lent with is purple solemnity,

and Eastertide

with those huge pivotal moments

Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday

the vigil

Easter (white again)

 

And of Pentecost

our bright day of fiery red

 

those moments capture the imagination

and fire up our hearts

but now we are in “ordinary” time

almost half a year of unrelenting green

with no moments of high celebration

 

just the ordinary

the plodding along

tending the garden, pulling weeds

doing the mundane

ordinary

 

and I realize this is where life is

in the ordinary

this is where faith lives

in the ordinary

this is where Sacred dwells

in the ordinary

 

in the flawed and cracked adult

who no longer bright visage

and with eyes no longer quite as bright

who plods through each day

 

living out the Imago Dei

as best he can

knowing that even in this

messy, ordinary, daily existence

 

God is

 

and that there is a reason

even if I do not know what it is

for getting up in the morning

and welcoming another day

another week

 

it does no good to look back

at the good or the bad

 

no one who puts his or her hand to the plow

and looks back get anywhere

 

and so this morning

it is time to be again

that young soul

looking expectantly at the world

eager for what life will bring

 

Jesus once said, the kingdom belongs to the children

I suspect God wants us to be like children

those in whom the image has not been dulled

 

God want us to be eternal children

twisted, battered, grey, aching young ones

perhaps those with a long road behind

and a short road ahead

 

but still children

in whom, when God looks at them

God can still recognize God’s self in them

 

---------------------------------

 

Alleluia, Alleluia!  Open, all of you little old people!

It is I your God, eternal, risen from the dead, coming to

Bring back to life the child in you.

                     Michel Quoist (Prayers)

A matter of heart

If your heart is a volcano

How shall you expect flowers to bloom in your hands?

                     Kahlil Gibran, Sand and Foam

_________________________

 

what is going on

down there

in our deepest self

in that place that defines who we are?

 

call it your soul

your heart

 

it does not matter

 

we all have that deep place

that is our true self

 

and it is this self

that gets revealed at the most inopportune times

it is this self that suddenly emerges when we are stressed

when life is difficult

when we are tired

or hangry

 

no matter how skilled we are at creating masks

and creating a dissembling narrative

no matter how adept we are at avoiding the truth

 

whatever it is that is going on in that deep place

will out

 

as Jesus warned us

by our fruits we shall be known

 

if we want to know what is really going on

there

down deep

all we have to do is look at what our lives produce

 

because eventually, the truth will out

 

it matter not if we are talking about nations

or political parties

or Presidents

or just individual people

 

eventually the “heart” will reveal itself

 

when we look at our own “fruits”

what do we see?

 

anger?

Bitterness?

Greed?

Compassion?

Humility?

 

do we see people built up

or people torn down?

 

do we see generosity

or a tendency to amass?

 

do we see kindness

or do we see cruelty?

 

are we surrounded by joy

or by despair?

 

as I walk into this new day

the early morning lit by God’s glory

my prayer must be this

 

“create in me a clean heart O Lord”

for it is from the heart that I live

Help him

Help him

that’s what faith is

he can’t bring it about

his kingdom

couldn’t then couldn’t later can’t now

not at any rate without you

and that is his irresistible appeal

                     Dorothee Soelle

_______________________________________

 

what’s the end of the Jesus story?

him hanging there on the cross, dead?

him lying in a tomb?

him resurrected?

 

descending ascending

 

it has been a lot of years

where is that kingdom?

 

it seems we are no closer now than we were then

to the City of God

 

perhaps God made a mistake

to choose the work the God did

by sending One who asked us to follow

not merely idolize

 

perhaps God miscalculated

by being a God within us rather than a God from above

by making us the hands and feet of justice

the voice of compassion and love

 

at the end of the story

Jesus left

and left us behind

filled with fire and wind

 

to carry on his revolution

 

at the end of the story

Jesus “rises again and again in our lives” (DS)

 

as Christ lives in us and through us

empowering us to feed the hungry

create equity

fight for justice

create peace

love without condition

 

it is up to us

how this story ends

what this world becomes

 

the City of God

or Gehenna