Version 70.0

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world

Today I am wise, so I am changing myself

                     Rumi

_____________________

 

is there within reach

so close I can almost smell it

 

another ending

another dying

 

after close to 20 years

it is time to leave an organization that I led

expanded

developed

 

it is time to walk away from a role

an identity

 

70 looms around the corner, only weeks away

and now

life impels me to move on

 

to defuse, to leave behind

a little death

 

anytime we near a death

we ponder

we look back, and we wonder

 

was it worth it?

did I accomplish anything?

did the good outweigh the bad?

do people remember me with admiration,

or think of me with disdain?

 

“Oh, that guy!  Let me tell you about HIM!”

 

did I make a difference?

 

which of course

may be the wrong question (although not entirely wrong)

 

perhaps the real question

is did I change?

did I learn

did I discover, or perhaps rediscover the Imago Dei

within myself?

 

or rather

did I learn to die and be reborn

did I learn to accept that kind of death and kind of resurrection

that occurs not just once, but over and over again

as we are created and recreated by Love

in order to be Love

 

did I allow myself to change,

or rather, to be changed?

 

I suspect it would be a sad thing

to look in the mirror and see the same person

who graduated from high school in 1969

who became a minister in 1977

who became a hot mess in 1990

 

the fact is there have been many recreations along the way

I have died and been reborn more times than I can count

and I believe I will be eternally changing

dying

rising

dying and rising again

 

it appears I have a choice

I can see such moments as this as an ending

or merely as  another moment

when Sacred takes me apart

cleans me up

and puts me back together again

 

version 70.0

allelulia

I am risen, I am risen indeed