Primitive religion is not believed, it is danced!

Arthur Darby Nock

Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
And only he who sees takes off his shoes;
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.

Elizabeth Browning

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Who Am I?

Who am I?
Often I frankly have no idea!
It would take more than a map (is there such as thing as a spiritual GPS?)
To help me find my way
Someplace close to the truth

There is the self I present to the world
A relatively acceptable self
There is the self I see in my minds eye
What I brazenly think of as my "true" self

And there is little semblance between the two
confident, unsure
knowledgeable, confused
righteous, well lets just say I don't always like myself a lot
Paul and I have a lot in common here,
"wretched man that I am"

and in that abyss, 
that cavernous dark space between what I hope to be 
and what I fear I am

is the real me
I catch glimpses
once in a blue moon
(does the moon every really turn blue?)
But most of the time
I am simply trying to prop myself up
I try to help others
but I become so attached to my need to be needed, 
I try to be a person people like
but I try too hard
and everything turns
and tumbles into the abyss
what should have been healthy and good becomes unhealthy
I do things I do not want to do
I lose control
and then I slink
fearful through the day
fearing that someone might see
the one I so wish to hide
Why do I make it so hard God?
You would love me
and you would define me
if only I would let you
I am in there 
 Rom 7:21-25
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God — through Jesus Christ our Lord!

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