fear choices

“love of the truth puts you on the spot.”  We might have some romantic view of what that means, but when we are nailed with the truth, we suffer.  We look in the bathroom mirror, and there we are with our pimples, our aging face, our lack of kindness, our aggression and timidity – all that stuff.

This is where tenderness comes in.  When things are shaky and nothing is working, we might realize that we are on the verge of something.  We might realize that this is a very vulnerable and tender place, and that tenderness can go either way. We can shut down and feel resentful or we can touch in on that throbbing quality. 

It’s a kind of testing, the kind of testing that spiritual warriors need in order to awaken their hearts.

                                                          Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart (pp. 7,8)

_____________________________

We have been nailed with the truth

That the heart of our nation is imprisoned by fear

And hate

And greed

And like the people of Israel, who,

confronted with slavery behind them,

And a life of being controlled and manipulated

And a unknown land in front of them

That would challenge and stretch them,

But eventually take them to the land of promise

Mumbled and moaned

And cried to the heavens,

“we want to go back to Egypt”

If they had been a democracy, that is exactly what they would have done

They would have voted to go back to Egypt

We have chosen, out of fear

To go back

And so we look in the mirror

and we are nailed with the truth

about who we are

it is not pretty

This is a

Vulnerable and tender place

I would like so much to just shut down

And live in resentment

But I for one cannot go back to Egypt

There are too many vulnerable people out there

Too many immigrants

Too many people who are LGBTQI

Too many people who are poor

And mentally ill

And oppressed

And minimized

Too many people who need health care, and housing

And an education

And safety

And I cannot abandon them

To the powers of greed

And hate

So I will get up this morning

And I will prepare my heart

And I will go deep into my soul

Where my leader, the Sacred One dwells

And I will get my marching orders

And then I will go forth

And continue to march forward

With my heart awake

Hurting

Aching

But awake

And do what I can

I do not know what our country giving this person

Power will mean

I do not know

I have to let there be room in my heart for “not knowing”

And in that space I have to work

Helping, caring, comforting,

Forgiving, working for justice

Picking up, protecting the needy

I have to keep going on that crazy march into the desert

For I have no ability

To go back to Egypt

I would rather die in the desert, without a country

(and that is how it feels this morning, as if my country is no more)

Striving for what is right

Than to go back to Egypt

And side with prejudice, fear, hatred

Arrogance and oppression

And submit to the way of the Pharaoh

Who knows not God

So I will keep going

On that crazy march toward the place

To which God calls us

That place where women are treated with respect

And the vulnerable are protected not oppressed

And the hurting are comforted not shamed

I will keep going

I can do no other