Flawed

“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”

                                            Augusten Burroughs, Magical Thinking

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there are times when we realize

that the fabric out which we are made is flawed

pure and simple

oh, the garment looks fine

but look at it closely

and you will find the flaws

and then you know

that you are merely a “second”

not quite a keeper

it is clear who the keepers are

the one’s whose spouses admire and respect them

the one’s whose children say nice things about them on Facebook

the one’s who are surrounded by friends

there are times when you know

that there is a reason you are fundamentally alone

it is because you are flawed

not in an obvious way

you are smart enough, handsome enough

accomplished enough

but you have not been able to be there

not really

for that spouse

those children

those co-workers

you have been too wrapped up in your agenda

your fears

your need to accomplish

and so life has gotten lost in the living

and love has gotten lost in the loving

and now there is just this

this sitting in your space

surrounded by your books

saturated with knowledge

and being

alone

not because those around you do not want to give

but more because you never to learned to give, or receive

and so the bond was never built

and you are forgettable

and expendable

and when you go

from a job

a town

or even a life

it is not likely

that you will be much missed

you did not intend it to be this way

you did the best you could

they are doing the best they can

but what is left

is uncomfortable space

Oh compassion still lives

and

the connection still holds

but only by the thinnest thread

thank God for dogs

and cats