Bless your little crooked heart

“You shall love your crooked neighbor, with your crooked heart.”

                                                                         W.H. Auden

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We are all in this together

We are together in fear

Together in anger

Together in hurt, and sometimes rage

We are together in hope

Together in love

And here is the thing

As we all stumble down this road called life

As we move toward our dreams

As we wander toward, hopefully, the Kingdom of God

Toward that place when war is no more

And equity exists

And justice is real

And honesty and kindness are the norm

And love rules

We must get there

Together

This is the great error that some make

Perhaps all of us making

Thinking that it is ok for us to gain

At the cost of another

That it is OK if we pave our way forward

On the backs of others

When we create economic inequity

When we profit by using and abusing others

When we create safety by abandoning others

When we create comfort by excluding others

And convince ourselves of our righteous, by judging others

We don’t win

We lose

For we must get there together

This is

Not

A

Choice

It

Is

The gift of failure

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”

                              Winston S. Churchill

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Ever failed?

I have

More times than I can count

Bad choices have closed doors,

              Blocked paths

                             Left me scarred

But I have been lucky

              Time and time again

I have been able to take lessons learned and skill developed

And forge a new path

From minister,

To working for a non-profit

To a medical school

To a community mental health program

Somehow a door always opened

Some way, there was always something new

Waiting

And now

Although there is no drama

No doors closing

It feels like this path goes nowhere

That I am going no where

Just wandering deeper and deeper into

              Grayness

              Vagueness

              Fatigue

Perhaps there is just not enough in me

At place in the journey

To keep getting up

To keep moving

So I creep along

Trying to avoid another failure

But getting, nowhere

Perhaps now is the time to just stop

At least for a moment

At take some time

For my soul to catch up with my body

To take some time

To find again the passion

To get up

And fail again

what is beneath

We waste so much energy trying to cover up who we are when beneath every attitude is the want to be loved, and beneath every anger is a wound to be healed and beneath every sadness is the fear that there will not be enough time.

                                                                        Mark Nepo

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What is it all about

Those words, that behavior,

That way of thinking?

People (not just kids)

Say the craziest things

They behave grandly, and poorly

they believe strange and not so wonderful things

and have an addiction to extremes

what is behind it all?

What drives people?

Understanding what is behind

And beneath

Is the beginning of wisdom

And also the beginning of compassion and kindness

What wounds are hidden by the anger?

What loneliness lurks deep in the soul?

What fears leave that person depleted and helpless?

Can we take the time to find out who that person in front of us is?

Can we take the time to wander deep within ourselves

to where the hungry demons roam?

Can we find our best self,

And reveal it?

Can we find that precious soul in front of us

And accept it?

Is this not

what it means

to be a Sacred Child?

alone

Every once in while I pause

And take a breath

And lift my head up and look around

Released for the moment from all the busyness

I have woven around myself like protective armor

And in that brief moment I know

We are all alone, born alone, die alone

Perhaps not we, just me

I can look back on my life and realize

That in spite of co workers, and more, and

In spite of being surrounded

By fellow therapists,

And by the saints in my little church

And at times by family

That in spite of the company, I have been alone the whole way

I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—

but essentially, and finally, alone.

Oh there is human contact

And moments of grudging respect

For what I can do….

But there is something that keeps people from “sticking”

I am the Teflon man…

Perhaps I am too arrogant?

Too greedy?

Not kind?

Too insecure, and thus too self-promoting

Too opinionated?

Definitely too opinionated!

It matters not the flaw

It is just that

In the dark

When my self-esteem falters

And I realize I am too tired, too old, too whatever

To really do and be what I want to do and be

That I am marking time

I am alone

And not respecting myself I must look in the hearts and minds of others for my happiness

But there is no one really there

Or perhaps I can’t see him, or her

There is no one really there

Except happy dog

Which is something

Which is something indeed

Open the heart

“Every morning I walk like this around

the pond, thinking: if the doors of my heart ever close, I am as good as dead.”

                                                                        Mary Oliver

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Every morning I walk around

The base of the mountain

Opening my heart to the sunrise

To the mountain

Watching happy dog gallop exuberantly

In search of balls, and mice

And things that smell

This is the time when the light gets in

Seeping through the left over doubts

And fears

That came with the night

This is how my heart expands

and embraces

Life and joy

In these brief moments

As the sun returns

The doors are open wide

And for a moment

I know my divine heritage

And for a moment

I dare to believe

that I might bear

the likeness

of the Sacred One

if only for

a moment

Beautiful, terrifying

So every day

I was surrounded by the beautiful crying forth

of the ideas of God,

one of which was you.

              Mary Oliver

____________________

The morning is a crying forth of Sacred joy

Bursting forth in colors

Darkness dying

Light being birthed

Unseen things

Becoming clear in the brightness

Of that precious light

So too the sights and sounds of days

Winter winds

Snow on the mountains

Dogs galloping joyfully, full of life

The eagle soaring

The evening is crying forth of Sacred sadness

Light fading

Something ending

A final burst of brilliance

Then day is gone

And blackness descends

Pressing into our own empty space

Our own grief

And alone we walk

Accompanied by memories of things past

And fears of things to come

We walk and walk those dark roads

Until the Sacred cries forth again

Beautiful, terrifying

The ideas of God

Of which I am one

Of which you are another

Beautiful

Terrifying

Sacred children

Born of joy and grief

Living, dying

Coming, going

Each day

Each moment

A new song

it is how we treat each other

To be humble, to be kind

It is the giving of the peace in your mind

To a stranger, to a friend...

To give in such a way that has no end

We are love

We are one

We are how we treat each other when the day is done

We are peace

We are war

We are how we treat each other and nothing more

To be bold, to be brave;

It is the thinking that the heart can still be saved

And the darkness can come quick;

The Danger's in the Anger and the hanging on to it

Tell me what it is that you see

A world that's filled with endless possibilities?

Heroes don't look they used to, they look like you do

We are love

We are one

We are how we treat each other when the day is done

We are peace

We are war

We are how we treat each other and nothing more

We are how we treat each other and nothing more

We are how we treat each other

                                                          Alternative Routes

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We talk a lot

We pontificate

We argue

We spew forth

Anger, even rage

Ideologies and theologies

Even hope

And sometimes love

But it is in our living

It is in our loving

That we are revealed

That we are

Sacred Children

It is in our kindness

Our listening

Our generosity

Our compassion

We are peace, we are war

We are love, we are hate

We are how we treat each other

Small things

So the small things came into their own: small acts of helping others, if one could; small ways of making one's own life better: acts of love, acts of tea, acts of laughter. Clever people might laugh at such simplicity, but, she asked herself, what was their own solution?

                                            Alexander McCall Smith, The Good Husband of Zebra Drive

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It is the small things

That are the big thing

Random acts of kindness

Call them what you will

It is not so much the big gestures

But the little things

Done

Unheralded

Sometimes unnoticed

That reflect true love

It is not masses of flowers

Or boxes of candy

Jewelry

Or romantic dinners out that prove love

It is acts of coffee (or tea)

Acts of laughter

It is the picking up of dirty clothes

Putting down the toilet seat

It is listening at the end of the day

Or taking the dog for his walk

These are what make life better

More loving

These are the things

That

count

Opening

How did the rose

Ever open its heart

And give to this world

All its beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light

Against its being,

Otherwise,

We all remain

Too frightened.

                                           Hafiz

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Anyone out there afraid?

Afraid of failing

Afraid of bad things happening

Afraid of Muslims, or Christians

Afraid that the country will fall apart

Afraid that we are as power hunger as we seem

And as racist?

Anyone out there afraid?

To open their hearts

To open their minds

To God’s new thing

Anyone out there afraid

To take a risk?

Love the unlovable?

Ache for justice?

Mourn for the oppressed?

To say “I love you” first?

Afraid to be humble?

Afraid to turn the other cheek?

These are difficult things

These are “sacred” things

But they make us vulnerable

We might get hurt

Only radical trust in,

Radical connection to,

The Sacred

Will allow us to open ourselves to the wonder

Of love

Compassion

Generosity

Only the light of Sacred Presence

Will free us

to open our hearts

our minds

our hands

and give

It is time

“If, then, I were asked for the most important advice I could give, that which I considered to be the most useful to the men of our century, I should simply say: in the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you.”

                                           Leo Tolstoy, Essays, Letters and Miscellanies

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We are constantly assailed

With voices from outside ourselves

Telling us what is true

What to believe

What is right

What is wrong

We are constantly responding

Reacting

Our hearts beat

Our heads roar

We are in turmoil

There is something ugly in all of this

All of this fear and anger

All of this exultation and ecstasy

For our emotions become weapons

Used against other

And sometimes, even, against ourselves

It is time

It is past time

To Stop

To Breathe

And then to listen

To the voices within

Not to the bully that lives in our brains

But to the voice of the Sacred that comes from that deep place

That place that persists

That is the truth

It is time

It is past time

To look at the sunrise, to feel the breeze

To wonder at the mountain

To watch the deer leap gracefully

And the fox glide through the field

Time to look around at that which comes

From the voice of the Sacred

It is time

Choices

“Do every act of your life as though it were the very last act of your life.”

                              Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

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How we people remember me?

When gathered around my grave,

What kinds of memories will arise, what kind of words will be spoken

If they hold a funeral, will anyone even come?

If one looks at one’s life one can find many moments

One would like to have back

Many statements one wishes one had never spoke

We make good choices

We make horrible choices

We are driven by angels at times

And at other times drive by our demons

By fear and need, and anger and greed

Sometimes we do acts of kindness and nobility

Sometimes we do things that hurt others, or destroy ourselves

I have seen much

Said much

Done much

On a scale from  1 to 10?

What percentage was good, what percentage was bad?

It is foolish to even go there

Because we cannot undo what has been done

We only have this moment

And what we create from this moment forward

If we have been arrogant, we can now from this moment, live with humility

If we have been self centered, we can relax, in this moment

And begin to focus on others

If we have been greedy, we can from this moment on, live generosity

We can live each moment as if that moment

(which is the only moment we have)

Is the moment which defines us

Because for the moment, it does.