ego

“Part of me suspects that I'm a loser, and the other part of me thinks I'm God Almighty.”

― John Lennon

“The ego is the false self-born out of fear and defensiveness.”

― John O'Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

____________________________________________________________________

There are times that I suffer

If truth be told, most of the time

I create my own suffering

Or rather, my ego does

The ego is that part of me that wants to be significant,

important by itself

unique

powerful

separate and superior.

I notice the ego asks a lot of questions!

Am I enough?

Am I safe?

Am I important?

Am I noticed?

Am I valued, appreciated, respected?

Do people like me?

Find me attractive (or even sexy)?

Do people see me as competent, and effective

There are problems with the ego

It is fragile, always being insulted

And always, it seems, it is defensive and self-protective

It can’t help itself

When I am upset about how someone has treated me

Ego

When I am worried about how I am coming across

Ego

When I see slights everywhere

Ego

When I believe people are evaluating, judging me

Ego

So much of my fear

My sense of being rejected

My anger

My indignation

Comes from my ego

Perhaps

Instead of believing my identity and worth

Are based upon whether I am tall enough, thin enough

Handsome enough, rich enough

Successful enough

Powerful enough

Admired enough

Respected enough

Valued enough

I just realize that my value is inherent

That I do not have to be defined by those things

Perhaps what I need to remember

Is that I am a broken and blessed Child of God

One God values so much that God draws near

And claims me as God’s own

Child of God

Child of God

Child of God

Perhaps that awareness is all that I need

“All great spirituality teaches about letting go of what you don’t need and who you are not. Then, when you can get little enough and naked enough and poor enough, you’ll find that the little place where you really are is ironically more than enough and is all that you need. At that place, you will have nothing to prove to anybody and nothing to protect.  That place is called freedom. It’s the freedom of the children of God. Such people can connect with everybody. They don’t feel the need to eliminate anybody . . .”

(Richard Rohr, Healing Our Violence through the Journey of Centering Prayer)

And perhaps, secure in being loved

Perhaps, being free

I won’t have to suffer

At my own hands

When you are here

When it rains it pours and opens doors

And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry

And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love

That have to say goodbye

And as I float along this ocean

I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go

'Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me

And you make everything alright

And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me

And I can always find my way when you are here

                                                                        Train

______________________________________________________

There are days

When I am not sure why

Why I should get out of bed

Why I should bother to dress

Why I should find my way to an office

Where hurting people share

And hope

And only sometimes

Find peace

Why bother

Why smile

Why breathe

Why?

And then

Along those sometimes dusty

Sometimes muddy

Sometimes snowy

Country roads

I look to the sky

To the sun, the moon, the stars

To clouds gray

And clouds white

To golden rising

And golden setting

And my soul awakes

And my heart races

And the pain and fear

Is lost in the greatness

Into the gray blue goldness

And I breathe again

insight, not for the faint of heart

“I used to say to my classes that the ways to get insight are: to study infants; to study animals; to study primitive people; to be psychoanalyzed; to have a religious conversion and get over it; to have a psychotic episode and get over it; or to have a love affair with an old Russian. And I stopped saying that when a little dancer in the front row put up her hand and said, 'Does he have to be old?”

                                                                         Margaret Mead

_______________________________________________

There are many ways to come awake

Or to be “woke”

As they say today

But mostly it is a matter of looking

Listening

Observing

Interacting

It is a matter of noticing how you feel

How you respond to things

What thoughts go roaring through your head

When you experience something

See something

Hear something

Here is the thing

If, as I go through life, I keep my focus “out there”

On them,

Then I don’t have to look at myself

But if I am willing to return to me

And to that inner life

That voice, that feeling

Then I learn amazing things

Not always good things

Sometimes, in fact, ugly things

But still I learn

And insight is a good thing

But not the only thing

Then you have to respond to it

Really, I mean it!

Where the heart is

“There's a mess inside you:

You clean the outside.”

― Anonymous, The Dhammapada

____________________________

Who am I?

Do you know?

Do I know?

What is pretty certain

Is that the person I look at in the mirror

And the person you greet

From day to day

Is not me

It is a fabrication

Of who I want to be

It is me

Cleaned up

Sanitized

But not me

For inside are all the things I hide

The dirty wrinkled things

Which I have stuffed into the closets

Of my being

Hoping they will go away

Of their own according

Hoping you will not see

I know I am not alone

Most of us hide

Behind pleasant facades of our own making

We rumble through each day

Our hard but brittle shells

Colliding with other shells

No real damage

But no real contact either

Masks beaming at masks

None of us really in touch

With each other

Or even with ourselves

Insight is missing

Delusion is high

Sometimes it seems

We would do better

Spending a little less time

Polishing the outside

And erecting our facades

And a little more time cleaning out the closets

Of our souls

For it is what’s inside that makes us who we are

Not our titles

Our looks

Our possessions

Our successes

It really all comes down

To where the heart is

Where 

we are incarnation now

Your mind can deceive you and put all kinds of barriers between you and your nature; but your body does not lie. Your body tells you, if you attend to it, how your life is and if you are living from your soul or from the labyrinths of your negativity. . . . The human body is the most complex, refined, and harmonious totality.

The soul is not simply within the body, hidden somewhere within its recesses. The truth is rather the converse. Your body is in the soul. And the soul suffuses you completely.

___________________________________________

Our bodies speaks volumes

Oh sure

There are germs, and viruses

Yes

Cancer is a reality

So is arthritis, and so much more

But we are bodysoul

We are incarnation

Spirit enfleshed

Flesh inspirited

And so it is

It is irrefutable

That the state of our body

Often reflects (at least to some degree)

The state of our soul

But not just the state of our soul

Whether our soul is awake

For if we are not connected to the spiritual side of our being

We are incomplete

And it shows

I know

I “feel it in my bones”

That when I am stressed

Afraid

Angry

When I am closed down

Closed off

Out of touch with the Sacred

If I am going to err......

"I am who I am in the eyes of God, nothing more and nothing less." --Francis of Assisi

_______________________________________

I am who I am in the eyes of God

ah, but there is the catch

who am I

in the eyes of God?

seriously

this can be comforting

this can be terrifying

it all depends

on your understanding of God

some think of God and think of judgement.

they may talk grace,

but in reality their God is rather cruel

do this

do that

believe this

believe that

believe in this name for Sacred

or burn in Hell for all eternity

consciously tortured, forever

BTW

Every one is “outside the circle of grace”

Wading in the flames

Except those whose beliefs conform. 

So much for “God is love”

some believe Sacred is much bigger than that

and

much

kinder

God is revealed

Is made concrete

Puts on flesh, in Jesus

the one who accepted and loved

everyone

how inconvenient

when you want to use God against others

but faith in God

is not for the faint of heart

for in reality most of us

live in between those two poles

we do not believe in a God who will consume over 70% of the world in eternal fire

but we also believe in accountability

in the need to live life well

lovingly

what to do?

for me there is only one choice

to start with love

acceptance

if I am going to err

it is going to be on the side of love

I would rather love too much

than hate

exclude, and

judge too much

the proof is in the faces

of those who stand on the street with signs that say

“God hates you”

And in the faces of those who look with compassion

on those who are rejected and reviled

if I am going to err

it is going to be

on the side

of

love

Insight

“I used to say to my classes that the ways to get insight are: to study infants; to study animals; to study primitive people; to be psychoanalyzed; to have a religious conversion and get over it; to have a psychotic episode and get over it; or to have a love affair with an old Russian. And I stopped saying that when a little dancer in the front row put up her hand and said, 'Does he have to be old?”

                                                                         Margaret Mead

_______________________________________________

There are many ways to come awake

Or to be “woke”

As they say today

But mostly it is a matter of looking

Listening

Observing

Interacting

It is a matter of noticing how you feel

How you respond to things

What thoughts go roaring through your head

When you experience something

See something

Hear something

Here is the thing

If, as I go through life, I keep my focus “out there”

On them,

Then I don’t have to look at myself

But if I am willing to return to me

And to that inner life

That voice, that feeling

Then I learn amazing things

Not always good things

Sometimes, in fact, ugly things

But still I learn

And insight is a good thing

But not the only thing

Then you have to respond to it

Really, I mean it!

eternal DNA

If you can’t honor the Divine Indwelling—the presence of the Holy Spirit—within yourself, how could you see it in anybody else? You can’t. Like knows like. All awareness, enlightenment, aliveness, and transformation begins with recognizing that your own eternal DNA is both divine and unearned; only then are you ready to see it everywhere else too. Soul recognizes soul.

                                                                                                     Richard Rohr

________________________________

Perhaps the biggest problem we have

Is that we don’t know who we are

I remember, when as a youth, I would leave the house

For a “night out”

Invariably the words came

There was no escape

“remember who you are”

So who are we?

We are those created in the image of God

(God knows the image maybe blurred, but that is who we are)

We are those who carry divine DNA

We are those who carry the likeness of the Sacred

We are Sacred sons

Sacred daughters

We are the children of God

We are flesh inspirited

We are empowered

Forgiven

Guided

Embraced

We are loved

Imagine for a moment

Walking through your day

Really believing that

(for me it is a stretch, as my old negative mental scripts are so strong)

How would that change what goes through your mind?

How would that change your behavior?

How would that change the way you see others?

In those moments when I accept who I am

Then my mind calms

Then I no longer need to toil at the task of proving myself

Then I can see the Sacred Presence in the person in front of me

Then I can live love

And

Then the refrain echoes through my soul

Child of God

Child of God

Child of God

That is who I am

salt

“If you put a spoonful of salt

in a cup of water

it tastes very salty.

If you put a spoonful of salt

in a lake of fresh water

the taste is still pure and clear.

Peace comes when our hearts are

open like the sky, vast as the ocean.”

                              Jack Kornfield

__________________________________

Our souls are salted with many things

Fear

Hate

Greed

and when our souls are tiny

constricted due to ideology

or theology

when our lives are squeezed down

by social norms

and expectations

we can so easily lose our humanity

but worse, our divinity

the sacred image we carry

becomes blurred

sometimes beyond recognition

and we become unable to give

to offer compassion

to forgive

to love

how do we open our hearts?

how do we throw open the windows of our soul

to the wind of the Sacred?

We walk

We breathe

We notice the stars

We gaze in wonder at the mountain

And celebrate the sky

We dance in the dust

And the mud

And the snow

We throw our arms wide open

And embrace the Sacred

As She/He/It comes

flesh inspirited

Make ready for the Christ, Whose smile, like lightning,

Sets free the song of everlasting glory

That now sleeps, in your paper flesh, like dynamite.

Thomas Merton, “The Victory,” The Collected Poems of Thomas Merton (New Directions: 1977), 115.

When God gives of Godself, one of two things happens: either flesh is inspirited or spirit is enfleshed.

                                                                                                                   Richard Rohr

_______________________________________

We carry the sacred

Holiness sleeps

In our flesh

Like dynamite

Ready to explode

To be felt and seen

By a watching world

So the all creation waits

For spirit enfleshed

To make itself known

And waits, and waits, and waits

As we, inspirited flesh

Struggle still with dissension

Fear, and greed

The wounds we carry in this sacred flesh

(or psyche)

our reminder of the cross of our humanity

perhaps it is time

for us to put aside childish things

and to “grow up into our incarnation” (Rohr)

and finally reflect

the image and likeness of the One

from whence we come

who is

Love

child of god

“Part of me suspects that I'm a loser, and the other part of me thinks I'm God Almighty.”

― John Lennon

“The ego is the false self-born out of fear and defensiveness.”

― John O'Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

____________________________________________________________________

There are times that I suffer

If truth be told, most of the time

I create my own suffering

Or rather, my ego does

The ego is that part of me that wants to be significant,

important by itself

unique

powerful

separate and superior.

I notice the ego asks a lot of questions!

Am I enough?

Am I safe?

Am I important?

Am I noticed?

Am I valued, appreciated, respected?

Do people like me?

Find me attractive (or even sexy)?

Do people see me as competent, and effective

There are problems with the ego

It is fragile, always being insulted

And always, it seems, it is defensive and self-protective

It can’t help itself

When I am upset about how someone has treated me

Ego

When I am worried about how I am coming across

Ego

When I see slights everywhere

Ego

When I believe people are evaluating, judging me

Ego

So much of my fear

My sense of being rejected

My anger

My indignation

Comes from my ego

Perhaps

Instead of believing my identity and worth

Are based upon whether I am tall enough, thin enough

Handsome enough, rich enough

Successful enough

Powerful enough

Admired enough

Respected enough

Valued enough

I just realize that my value is inherent

That I do not have to be defined by those things

Perhaps what I need to remember

Is that I am a broken and blessed Child of God

One God values so much that God draws near

And claims me as God’s own

Child of God

Child of God

Child of God

Perhaps that awareness is all that I need

“All great spirituality teaches about letting go of what you don’t need and who you are not. Then, when you can get little enough and naked enough and poor enough, you’ll find that the little place where you really are is ironically more than enough and is all that you need. At that place, you will have nothing to prove to anybody and nothing to protect.  That place is called freedom. It’s the freedom of the children of God. Such people can connect with everybody. They don’t feel the need to eliminate anybody . . .”

(Richard Rohr, Healing Our Violence through the Journey of Centering Prayer)

And perhaps, secure in being loved

Perhaps, being free

I won’t have to suffer

At my own hands

Where is your treasure?

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”

                                                                        Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

________________________________________________________

Is it true

That we find our joy in what we love?

What if we love the wrong things?

What if we love power

Or money?

Is our treasure our true treasure?

It has also been said

That where our treasure is our heart will be also

Perhaps it is more true that our heart follows

treasure, rather than that our hearts create treasure

Treasure it appears can capture, and bind

And subdue the heart

Or perhaps what we treasure reveals our hearts

I was thinking the other day about our nation

And where it puts its “treasure”

If our heart is where our treasure is, what does that mean

Where does most of our treasure go?

If where our heart is, there is our treasure

Does that mean our heart is in war (since the majority of our money goes to the military)?

Is our heart is prisons?

In border walls

It is a conundrum

To think that our “treasure” is in such things

Since our heart as revealed by our spending

is found in such things

It seems that there must be a better place to put our hearts

Better places to creature, or discover, our treasure

What if our treasure were people?

If our hearts were in people

Would we not be putting our resources, our energy, our focus

Into healthcare?

Caring for the poor?

Helping the vulnerable?

Would not such acts of kindness

And service be what we treasure?

But lest I pontificate

What does my calendar reveal?

My check book?

Where do I put my heart?

What do I consider my treasure, really?

Something to think about

In the dark

its what's inside

“There's a mess inside you:

You clean the outside.”

― Anonymous, The Dhammapada

____________________________

Who am I?

Do you know?

Do I know?

What is pretty certain

Is that the person I look at in the mirror

And the person you greet

From day to day

Is not me

It is a fabrication

Of who I want to be

It is me

Cleaned up

Sanitized

But not me

For inside are all the things I hide

The dirty wrinkled things

Which I have stuffed into the closets

Of my being

Hoping they will go away

Of their own according

Hoping you will not see

I know I am not alone

Most of us hide

Behind pleasant facades of our own making

We rumble through each day

Our hard but brittle shells

Colliding with other shells

No real damage

But no real contact either

Masks beaming at masks

None of us really in touch

With each other

Or even with ourselves

Insight is missing

Delusion is high

Sometimes it seems

We would do better

Spending a little less time

Polishing the outside

And erecting our facades

And a little more time cleaning out the closets

Of our souls

For it is what’s inside that makes us who we are

Not our titles

Our looks

Our possessions

Our successes

It really all comes down

To where the heart is

look to the sky

When it rains it pours and opens doors

And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry

And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love

That have to say goodbye

And as I float along this ocean

I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go

'Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me

And you make everything alright

And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me

And I can always find my way when you are here

                                                                        Train

______________________________________________________

There are days

When I am not sure why

Why I should get out of bed

Why I should bother to dress

Why I should find my way to an office

Where hurting people share

And hope

And only sometimes

Find peace

Why bother

Why smile

Why breathe

Why?

And then

Along those sometimes dusty

Sometimes muddy

Sometimes snowy

Country roads

I look to the sky

To the sun, the moon, the stars

To clouds gray

And clouds white

To golden rising

And golden setting

And my soul awakes

And my heart races

And the pain and fear

Is lost in the greatness

Into the gray blue goldness

And I breathe again

What did you do for yourself today?

Your mind can deceive you and put all kinds of barriers between you and your nature; but your body does not lie. Your body tells you, if you attend to it, how your life is and if you are living from your soul or from the labyrinths of your negativity. . . . The human body is the most complex, refined, and harmonious totality.

The soul is not simply within the body, hidden somewhere within its recesses. The truth is rather the converse. Your body is in the soul. And the soul suffuses you completely.

___________________________________________

Our bodies speaks volumes

Oh sure

There are germs, and viruses

Yes

Cancer is a reality

So is arthritis, and so much more

But we are bodysoul

We are incarnation

Spirit enfleshed

Flesh inspirited

And so it is

It is irrefutable

That the state of our body

Often reflects (at least to some degree)

The state of our soul

But not just the state of our soul

Whether our soul is awake

For if we are not connected to the spiritual side of our being

We are incomplete

And it shows

I know

I “feel it in my bones”

That when I am stressed

Afraid

Angry

When I am closed down

Closed off

Out of touch with the Sacred

I suffer

Everything hurts

And what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work

(as the saying goes)

But it is true

That when I am integrated within myself

And in touch with all aspects of who I am

Soul and body

That my body finds a place of greater ease

And when I am in that place of negativity and darkness

My body experiences dis-ease

So let us pay attention

Let us attend to that complex creature

that we see in the mirror

It’s not that hard

A minute (or 20) here and there

A walk

A few deep breathes

A little mindfulness

So here is the question

What did you do for your soul/body

Today?

Good Friday

Any God who would wander into the human condition, any God who has this thirst to pursue us, had better not be too put off by pain, for that's the way we tend to treat our saviors. Any God who tries to love us had better be ready to die for it.

                                                                                      William Willimon

____________________________________________________________

Sometimes it seems

as if hate is going to win

as if all that right

all that is good

is coming to an end

as on that Friday so long ago

when in the heat of the afternoon

jeers echoed

lashes fell

thorns pierced

and hammer blows reverberated,

and love took its last breath

or did it?

perhaps love is made of tougher stuff than that

perhaps

just perhaps

on that day

God looked in the face of hatred

and brutality

into the face or judgement and rejection

into the face of power and wealth

and said

“This Stops Here”

and that is why we call it

Good

a glimpse in the mirror

It occurred to me today

As I was wandering through the Gospels

Hoping to run into God

(I need a little help with my Easter sermon)

That Jesus, when he taught,

always tried to get the people he was talking to

To look at themselves, not others

With every teaching he challenged people to look at themselves

With every parable he told he asked people to put themselves in the story

It was never, “who do you think the prodigals are, who are the older brothers?  Which of your

friends, your enemies, your family, your neighbors?”

It was

“Which one are you?”

Perhaps this is where the religion that claims to follow the way of Jesus

Goes wrong

We tend, all too often, to make it about others

Not ourselves

We use the word “you” a lot

When we are called to use the word “I”

“You are a sinner” is much easier to say

It seems

“Than I am a sinner”

“You are wrong”, much easier

Than “I am wrong”

This is why, when I preach, I use “we” a lot

Because we are all in this together

We are sinners, we need help, we need love, we need forgiveness

I am part of “we”

I am not part of “you”  (at least I don’t think so, except for that darn spiritual bond)

It often occurs to me, as I write sermons, that I am really just preaching to myself

And allowing others to listen in

Hoping it will be helpful to them as well

So here is an idea

Let us, as we seek to follow Jesus

As we study his teachings,

And look at his life

Always remember that the person who is being spoken to

Is the one we see in the mirror

When it comes to challenging, and seeking change

When it comes to doing the hard work of metanoia (repentence)

That is where we have to start

And perhaps

That is where we have to end

near the surface

“…if Jesus said “I was hungry and you fed me,”

then Christ’s presence is not embodied in those who feed the hungry

(as important as that work is),

but Christ’s presence is in the hungry being fed

                                                                        Nadia Bolz-Weber

_________________________________________________

We tend it get it ass backwards

Most of the time

Some how we think God is most with

The rich

The powerful

The beautiful

Ah those lucky people

Blessed by God

How often do we say it

“God just blessed me”

True, that

True

But perhaps God is most present

Most “near the surface”

In those who are not encumbered

With the riches of the world

Those whose bodies are thin from hunger

Those whose clothes are thin from wear

Those who eyes are empty with despair

Those whose hearts are broken

In the emptiness of poverty

And oppression

There is the room

Room for Jesus to dwell

The openness

For Jesus to shine through

See that person

That one over there

The one you would shame?

The one you would call a lazy moocher?

The one you would expel?

The one, perhaps, you would shoot?

That one

Is Jesus

I am here, now

“Thanks to impermanence, everything is possible.”

― Thich Nhat Hanh, Going Home: Jesus and Buddha as Brothers

________________________________________

Sometimes I get overwhelmed

And when I get overwhelmed, I get irrational

And when I get irrational I disengaged from those around me

and disengaged from God

I get a little lost

And life becomes…

Messy

Ever been there?

Such times call for “damage control”

1.  Don’t judge

2. Minimize the Damage

3. Remember, this shall pass

Don’t judge

Don’t jump in with both feet

Into the “blame game”

Don’t wallow in the ooze and slime and old decay

Of self judgment

Life is giving you a beating?

Don’t help it by beating up on itself

A depleted self is not a resilient self

Don’t judge your feelings

Don’t get upset that you are angry, or sad,

Fearful or regretful

You are simply having, “a human experience”

Notice what you a feeling (that is important)

And then, let it go

Step away from your bully brain that so badly wants you

Trap you in negativity

and then STOP whatever it is you are doing

cease and desist

OK, so you made a mistake

Don’t’ make it worse by doubling down on the behavior

So you had a drink (when you said you wouldn’t)

Don’t throw up your hands in despair and have 5 more

So you snapped at your love

Don’t make it worse sinking into resentment and anger

And prolonging the fight

Minimize the harm….

And

The

 Remember

This too shall pass

There is only the present, only this moment

This one

And it is soon gone

To be replaced by a new moment

Newness is ever upon us

Every moment dies

But then a new moment is born

Every moment is an opportunity to die to the past

To anger, to fear

And remember that after death

Is

Resurrection

After every moment there is a chance to start again

We are constantly dying to self

And being born

again

Remember

Everything is possible.

The way of Ignorance

You must go by the way which is the way of ignorance.

As we grow older the world becomes stranger,

the pattern more complicated

                                           TS Eliot

______________________________________________

I get more ignorant as I go alone

I used to know everything

(or so I thought)

I understood God

And people

Life made sense

I had a handle on Heidegger and Schopenhauer

Kant and Hegel (Major #1 Philosophy)

Shakespeare and Proust were a snap (Double Major, #2 was English)

Later Luther, and Calvin

Barth, Brunner and Bultmann

Koyama, Merton and the Niebuhrs

Were a snap   (M.Div)

Don’t forget Kierkegaard  (D.Min)

But now I no longer am so sure

I understand

God

Or people

Or life

It seems the more I know, the less I know

The more certain I was

The less certain I have become

God is still there

And still God

(although I find anthropomorphizing a problem.  People get all dualistic when God is “God” not something like “the Sacred”.  And they want to own God, define God according to their whim)

And it is only a short distance, from my head

To the Sacred Presence in my soul

But sometimes I just don’t get how God works

(which is a good thing, by the way)

People?

Forget it!

Honestly I don’t think I have ever “gotten” people

Or trusted them for that matter

Nor have I been able to be open,

Or real

Or vulnerable…

And so few get behind my shell

And far too little of “me” gets out

As to life?

Trump!

Guns

Children dying

Economic inequity (and injustice)

Racism

I just don’t get it

And I have no idea, how to make a difference

(once I thought I could be a super star pastor and change the world)

So I walk down the path of ignorance

Knowing I don’t know

Taking the gifts as they come

Hoping for a little bit of luck

Hoping that maybe I’ll find a friend (totally by accident)

And that somehow

The world will magically sort itself out

Silly me

Nothing like a little wishful thinking J

Otherwise known

As

faith

who do you need to forgive

"Now here's a good one:

You're lying on your deathbed.

You have one hour to live.

Who is it, exactly, you have needed

all these years to forgive?"

              Fictional Poet Ruth Zardo (via Louise Penny)

___________________________________________

Where does forgiveness come from,

When we are in the corner

With no place to go?

When we have reach the end

Emotionally

Mentally

Spiritually

And know, just know

That we cannot take another step

With all that weight

Bearing down on us

The burden of anger and resentment

The fury of victimhood

how do we let go

how do we sort through all the garbage

dive into the dumpster of our soul

and find that one person

we need to

forgive

there are so many options

the person who ridiculed you as a child

or bullied you

the parent who neglected or abused

the one who lied

or used

or abandoned

or cheated

where to start

And once started

How to proceed

I’ve thought long and hard about who, on my death bed

I would forgive.

For me it is quite simply

It would not be my father, for whom I was never

(or so it seemed) quite enough

Or my mother who struggled to show affection

It would not be the boys who threatened to beat me

(the privileged doctors son) up

It would not be all those who over the years

Did not help me enter the circle of friendship

(perhaps it was my own fault)

I suspect that the person I most need to forgive is myself

for not meeting expectations

for not being more loving

more giving

more selfless

but how do I do this?

for I have carried this judgment for lifetime

perhaps it is not that difficult

perhaps it is simply a matter of hearing

at the center of who I am

the words echo

Child of God

Child of God

Perhaps it simply a matter of hearing

“you are my beloved son”

The way to Wisdom

The four sayings that lead to wisdom:

I was wrong

I'm sorry

I don't know

I need help”

               Louise Penny

_____________________

There are days I don’t feel very wise

66 years old, edging toward 67

And still there are times

When I realize

I may not have a clue

Not a clue about what makes a life

Not a clue about friendship or intimacy

About kindness or compassion

The problem is I was taught to be the strong one

The wise one

The effective one

And I will be that “one”

Yes I will

But I am profoundly human

I make mistakes

I hurt people

There are things I do not know

Although I often pretend I do

So I go through life

Fundamentally encased

In my need to be liked and admired

To be the one people turn to

What I need to learn ( what we all need to learn)

Is that sometimes we screw up (admit it)

Sometimes we hurt people (damn)

Sometimes we just don’t have the answer (only questions)

And sometimes

We need help

Sometimes

the

We need to let down our guard

Our veneer of competence

And say

In all humility

And all hope

“a little help?”

Eastering

Chocolate bunny carcasses abound

the eggs have been found

and eaten

sugar fueled children

have fallen into joyful slumber

pastors have busily collected spiritual brownie points

over how many services they did

or perhaps over how many bodies filled the pews

and Easter is truly and profoundly

finished

we busily dive back into our everyday worlds

as if Christ had never been born

never lived

never died at the hands of a sullen humanity

never showed us what the Sacred can do

with death

and yet

Actually Easter is never over

every time there is an ending

every time you think you have hit a dead end

every time you feel stuck and hopeless

It is Easter time

Time to die to the old

and be raised to what is next!

time to die to hate and be lifted up into love

time to die to anger, and be lifted up into forgiveness

time to die to fear, and be raised to confidence

in God’s love

time yes, for death to die

and for us to be raised to whatever is next

every Sunday the people of God celebrate this pattern

of dying a rising

every Sunday is a “little Easter”

but so too

each day

happy Easter

may we all this day

experience the power of God

“eastering” in us

Easter

“Jesus's resurrection is the beginning of God's new project not to snatch people away from earth to heaven but to colonize earth with the life of heaven.”
― N.T. Wright
_____________________________________

Easter is 
the end of a path to a tomb
the beginning of a path
to the whole world

Easter is death
Becoming life

God’s yes

Easter is surprise

Easter is flowers in bloom
Hearts becoming open

Easter is hope
Love
Joy
Forgiveness

Easter is the death of hate
and fear
and violence
as solutions to anything

Easter is the birth of love
And acceptance
And compassion
As the solutions to everything

Easter is unbelievable
Irrational
Crazy

And yet

Easter is