I can't do this anymore

Once you've had enough and you can't do it anymore, you consider the possibility that there might be a better way. That's when your head cracks open and God comes in.

Marianne Williamson

____________________________

I have heard myself say it

All too many times lately

I can’t do this any more

I can’t do forgiveness

I can’t do love

I can’t do generosity

I can’t counter falsehoods with facts

I can’t confront what I think is ill

I can’t keep trying to look past the behaviors

To the person

To the soul

I just can’t

I am too angry

Too sad

Too disappointed

Too frustrated

Perhaps, if the truth were told

I am simply too empty

The reality is

I could never do any of the things I desired in the first place

Without the Sacred

Rocking and rolling in my soul

Pushing me

Challenging me

Moving me into action

Getting me past my self

My priorities

My fears

My prejudices

Setting me free from all those things

“out there” that would suck me dry

And leave me

Empty

I have no chance of being a force for good in the world

Unless I am, like a vine, connected to a life giving branch

I have no chance of staying alive, emotionally and spiritually

Unless I have a spring of living water, welling up in my soul

And that is the beautiful thing about reaching the point

Where one can’t do it any more

Because that is when the wind blows

The fire burns

The water springs up

That is when all that is God

Flows through us

And we pick ourselves up

And start again…

Paul got it

as he honestly admitted (Romans 7)

“My own behaviour baffles me. For I find myself not doing what I really want to do but doing what I really loathe. … I often find that I have the will to do good, but not the power…

 I thank God there is a way out [of this ambivalence]

through Jesus Christ our Lord”

I thank God when I can’t do it any more

That the God in me (that is the secret after all)

says (in effect)….

“finally, now its my turn”