resurrection redux

The sun slides down…

Its amber reach crosses the grass

toward me, shadow of the elder tree

has grown long and I remember

under the mulberry spectacle of sky

how everything I love will end:

this cup of tea with steam ascending,

the dog curled right against me,

your warm hands over mind,

how this sweet leaving of day

makes me draw the world

as close as possible.

                               Christine Valters Painter

_______________________________________________

 

We live in a time when death stalks

among us

and so many things which we have loved

and on which we depend

are unraveling

 

losses abound

and in the shadow of death

is see the familiar

solid world around me

with different eyes

 

I pet the dog, and wonder about how he would react

if I did not come home

 

I look around my house

and imagine it empty

as I lie intubated and gone

in an ICU

Covid dead

 

I look at my garden

and my home

at all that I have designed and built

and planted and nurture

 

at this garden of eden

this safe little place among the trees

 

and this strange sense of saying “goodbye”

and imagining it

neglected and empty

 

what is it about this kind of leave taking

this acceptance of mortality

this letting go. . .

 

it is melancholy, to be sure

and yet

 

I have so much more gratitude

for animals (and people too) who love me

a deeper

 

I realize, in a new way

How blessed I am

 

and out of the ashes of sadness

comes gratitude

and yes hope

 

the hope that comes from knowing that

the creative and loving power that has shaped my life

now

will shape my life

forever

 

I am not alone in this shadow

and there is no end

only change

from nothing to something to something else

from life to death to living

 

there is only

moment by moment

day by day

resurrection