thoughts about pain

True maturation on the spiritual path requires that we discover

the depths of our wounds, our grief from the past, unfulfilled longing, the sorrow

we have stored up during the course of our lives

                               Jack Kornfield (A Path with Heart p.41)

____________________________

 

what do we do with our pain?

 

we all have it

that pain we carry with us every day

that throbbing insistent dis-ease that lurks around every corner

and suddenly

 

is there

right there

 

as a memory floods back into our minds

of a mistake made

a sin committed

a trust betrayed

a love lost

 

wounds inflicted

wounds self-inflicted

 

it is interesting how we spend our time

frantically rushing through life

dripping pain

 

trying to outrun it

deny it

push it away

 

rather than stopping, and greeting it

“hello pain, how are you today?”

 

our effort to escape our pain takes us to some very bad places

it can drive us to drink, or drugs

it can make us workaholics

power junkies

 

our attempts to dodge pain

can make us encapsulated, and rob us of compassion

 

as has been noted,

“if we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it” (Rohr)

 

one of the really weird things about following Jesus

is that we are following a crucified hero

our faith is centered around a person who “lost” from a worldly perspective

who was rejected and killed

 

as I said, weird

 

but it reminds us that in God’s economy

the way it works is like this….

 

we gain growth, we find our true selves

we learn compassion and love

 

by going through pain

not by avoiding pain

 

we become deeper people

connected with the Sacred at a profound level

not when we deny our wounds

but when we accept them, and respect their depth

 

and then, having accepted and welcomed them

place them in the hands of the healer

 

our pain can teach us so much

about ourselves,

and others

and Sacred

especially the Sacred

 

our pain, when we allow it to be touched by

our attention

and God’s love

 

can be transformed rather than transmitted

 

it doesn’t go away

it just becomes, redeemed

and we along with it

 

becoming wounded healers ourselves

people able to embrace not only our own pain, but the pain of others

 

this day as I watch the daylilies greet the day

and open up to the sun

I am moved to open up to Love

 

to open up so that my wounds are revealed

and my pain exposed

 

the pain of a life disrupted by Covid

the pain of past mistakes

the pain of watching power abused, and a nation perish

the pain of uncertainty

 

this day I want to greet my pain

I want to welcome it into the “living room” of my heart

I want to sit with it for a while,

and then, having held it

it want to move on

 

traveling lighter

into this new day