All I wish
Is for you
To one day
Love you
The way
I do
Atticus,
The Truth About Magic, St. Martin’s
Griffin, p.37
______________________________
what makes me
so insecure?
what drives me, day in and day
to have to prove myself
as a pastor,
a therapist,
a leader,
a man?
heck!
why do I have to prove that I am a valuable human being?
what makes me worry so much about how people see me?
why do I need so much affirmation?
why do I so often slip in the gooey realm of “not
enough”?
and before you assure me that I am OK,
let me assure you
that I probably won’t really hear you
I’ll be grateful for the affirmation
but it won’t penetrate
and let me remind you
that this is not just me
this is also you
how few of us
really feel valuable
I suspect that even those who seem most assured
have, inside, the same raging doubts
what goes on inside that bombastic person
who struts and brags?
often the same thing that goes on inside that retiring
person
who hides and is silent!
we all react to our sense of deficit differently
I became an overachiever
Some become angry
Some bully (think Trump)
Some hide
but for all of us
however we got there
trauma, parental expectations,
failure,
there is a common need
to know that someone values us, respects us
loves us
not because of what we have done
how we look
not even because of who we are
but simply because of the fact that we are
where does such love and affirmation come from?
Sometimes mothers or fathers
Sometimes siblings
Or friends
but always
from the Beloved
if we understand God correctly
that Sacred Power that is behind all
and is Love
we know we are loved
we know we have value
and in the midst of those times
when we wonder why we are here
and lament our failures
and struggle with the mess that is the world
that Love is there
nestled inside us (if we will but look)
inside me, inside you,
inside each one of us, even the most damaged of us
whispering, imploring
reminding
Child of God, Child of God, Child of God
All I wish
Is for you
To one day
Love you
The way
I do
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