Words are not enough

What can I say Lord

that will heal?

What can I say Lord

that will help?

What can I say that will 

bridge the abyss 

that lies between myself

and that person

from whom I am separated?

That person who is dying?

That person who is hurting,

facing cancer

and loss

There are times

when words are not enough

are simply not adequate

We speak them

and they hang there 

in the air

they fill the space

and become more a wall

than a channel

Sometime

there is more to be "said" in the 

silence

in the presence

in the eyes meeting

the hearts meeting

it is the Spirit (big S) in me

touching the Spirit in you

that is enough

Namaste

the sacred in me, the sacred in you

The Christ in me, the Christ in you

It is that communion

that is enough

Staying Silent

I have often heard
that the best way to be a healer is to listen

that it is not our words
but our presence

That it is in the silence
that we are able to reach out
and heart to heart
soul to soul

touch brokeness
and begin the process
of metamorphosis

bringing back into being
essential humanity
wholeness

But here is the question
How do we learn to be present with our selves

To day I went for a walk
in the hot dryness of this August afternoon

Walking down the road I watched
silently as my feet touched the earth
 and the dust exploded

It was hard to be silent
even with myself
I had so many questions
floating around in my head
thoughts exploding like the dust

Why?
Why not?
How?
What should I do?
How can I solve that?

So many questions
And I did not want to be silent
I wanted to answer
To fix
To solve
To resolve

Now!
Now!

 But sometimes there are no answers
And at times there are no solutions

Only the questions
To be honored
and loved
and lived

________________________________________________________________--

"Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.”   Rainer Maria Rilke

The feeling under the feeling under the feeling

How do you really feel?

I don't always like that question

Because sometimes I don't like how I feel

Sometimes that core feeling

that feeling that pulses

under my visible self

is dark

and painful

and powerful

In the woods I came upon

a lonely cabin

no longer solid

it slumped

logs askew

scattered

leaning 

sliding into the earth

widows 

eyes into a dank darkness

cumbling roof

more moss than shingles

it looked as if one more good snow

would drive it into the earth

and finish its destruction

and in that moment

that feeling under the feeling under the feeling

came to life

and said "me too"

Oh scattered

crumbling

listing jumble

so fragile

Oh abandoned 

lonely shell

ah

I know how you feel

__________________________________________________

Thank you God
For friends
For beautiful sunrises
And for people who like to hug!

Thank you for those
Who know one's story
All of it, and still say
I love you

Sacred Places

I love my sacred places

Those special spots, where my soul danced

and my heart sang

Those places where time stops

and the moment was eternal

These are my shrines

my "God places"

where the sacred broke through

It might be a place where

I saw my child play

or heard music of inexpressible beauty

It might be a place where sitting side by side

with someone deeply loved

the mundane was turned into the sacred

It might be a place

where family gathered, and celebrated

or a place where goodbyes

eternal, or otherwise

were said

These are the places where

I dance my faith...

and sing for joy to the heavens

where there is laughter

and the heat of love

where smiles break forth

Thank you God

for the moments

the people

the places  

that have opened the gates to heaven!

________________________________________

There is no spot on earth that ever became sacred until something danced there

maybe it was just an atom or two...

There is no place in existence that ever became sacred until something sang there

even it just be a molecule, that is enough.  I hear they croon all the time...

Strange the seriousness I see a around the shrines of perfect saints.....

                                                                             Hafiz

Broken Open, Poured Out

Christ on the cross

broken open

poured out

a good gift

identifying with the lost

the alienated from God

the sinner

the hopeless

broken open 

poured out

it is always a gift

when people offer 

this kind of love

agape

it is not a love that seeks fairness

for life isn't fair

and love

well

certainly love is not fair

we love,
 to have love not returned

we give, and there is not even a "thanks"

fairness is not in the equation

for the Christian

those lazy welfare people

those people afflicted by addiction

those people

them

they

it is not fair that people

who work hard

who are responsible

provide them with what they need to survive

and yet

and yet

what are taxes

compared to the cross

why in the name of Christ

are some so Christless?

deserved?

not deserved?

not even part of the equation for those of us

who at the foot of the cross

receive

the good gift

grace

Everyone is a healer

Therapea – or healing!

In this little mini-serious we have looked at some words that to me are

the keys to understanding what the "kingdom" of God is all about

We have learned it involves mentanoia, or change

We have learned that metanoia comes through agape, or love

And now we get to a third element…

Therapea, or healing

 

One big clue is that healing was probably the center piece of Jesus personal ministry.

When we think of Jesus and his work, not his teachings, but his work… we think of healing

Another big clue that this third thing is big, really big, in terms of the kingdom, is the fact that when Jesus essentially commissions his disciples, and sends them out, for the first time, to do “ministry’, he charges them with the task of therapea…. Or healing.

By the way, what is healing?  According to the dictionary:

 1. To restore to health or soundness; cure.

2. To set right; repair: healed the rift between us.

3. To restore (a person) to spiritual wholeness.

So to become healed is to become whole and sound; return to health.

Biblically this can mean a lot of things

There is physical healing of course

But healing is clearly more….

Think of the ministry of the servant of God as described in Isaiah 61:1

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,

Jesus in Luke 4 echoes this idea when he says:   "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed

We are called… as people with a new vision, as people loved with agape love, and thus capable of loving with agape love… to be healer.  In the kingdom, everyone’s a healer

We might provide different kinds of healing

We might do it in different ways

But every one is a healer…

We might pray, we might just listen

We might be present for others… there is amazing healing power in present

We might hurt with others, and for other

Be people of compassion

We might be people who help feed the hungry

We might work for justice

We might work to help people be free of the things that trap them…

But everyone is a healer.

And this is where communion comes in

One of the words for communion is eucharist..

Eucharizoma….

Eu = well

Charizomai  = give

Eucharist literally means to give wellness, or “the good gift”

The Eucharist emerges from the greatest gift ever given, the gift of Christ on the Cross

Jesus broken, and dying

Jesus being with us… going through what we go through

Separation from God, alienation

Giving himself so we can be well

So our soul death.. our separation from God can be healed.

This is what the Eucharist is all about…

The body

The blood

God gives the world life through the breaking of Christ body and the pouring out of Christ’s blood.  And God continues to give the world through the Body of Christ…through the people of the Kingdom…

Kingdom people… the people of metanoia, and agape, are meant to be a living Eucharist

Christians are a living Eucharist as they allow themselves to be poured out for the healing of the world.

By the way, being broken and poured out doesn't me we are over people.  That we fix them, that we work "on" them.

It mostly means we are WITH them.  We are present.  As fellow travelers.  Fellow sinners.  As those also wounded.  As Christ was with us in separation from God and death in those moments on the cross.

If you’ve ever been to an AA meeting you know why.  AA is a room full of people who are done pretending.  There are no facades, if it is a strong group, no acting… Everyone in the room is in recovery, and they all know each other’s games, masks, and manipulations.

Writer Anne Lamott says the most powerful sermon in the world is two words, "me too".

When you are struggling  when you are hurting, wounded limping, doubting, questioning, barely hanging on,

moments way from another failure.....

And someone is there who can identify with you

Who knows the temptations at your door

Someone who has felt the pain you have felt

And look you in the eye

And say… Me too, and actually mean it…

They can save you.

When you aren’t judged or lectured

Looked down up

But someone shows they get it

They get you

Shows they know what its like

 That you aren’t alone….

That is when the power of Eucharist breaks forth

The Eucharist focuses on the cross, the sacrifice

Not the resurrection… ever thought of that?

It focuses on Christ identifying with us

Its Jesus in a “been there” moment

That is where the power comes from

The Eucharist is God saying “me too”

And therapea happens when the church looks others in the eye

And says… me too

Me too

I hurt, I fail, I fear, I am anxious, I get jealous, I struggle with addiction, I have question, I hate, I get angry

I sin… me too….

But…we say that in the context of grace… and in grace we can see the world in a new way, and we can have new hearts.  We say this in the context of God’s agape love, which gives us value, worth, and hope

Agape love, which is God saying, “I love you, period” 

And thus…there is peace, and hope

There is reconciliation with God

And one another…

There is healing.

This is not an easy thing… this work of healing

Because so often it isn’t fair (as pointed out by those who would kill welfare and other such programs)

Giving to those who can’t give in return is not fair

Serving those how have no way to serve in return, that is not fair

Breaking yourself open and pouring yourself out for people who may never say thank you,

That is not fair

But the cross wasn’t fair.

God is not about fairness, God is about change and love

God is about giving the good gift

Jesus is God’s good gift for the healing of the world

We are Jesus’ body, a good gift for the healing of the world.

This Thing Called Love

So now we come to the second component of the Kingdom

Agape…

AKA as love

Love is a feeling you feel when you feel like you’re going to get a feeling you never felt before.  (that’s not love, its hormones).

Love is a perpetual state of anesthesia (no way, if anything love makes us super sensitive)

Love is never having to say you’re sorry (that’s just stupidity, for “I’m sorry” are two of the most powerful words for keeping love alive).

What is love, really?  The ancient Greeks, who were not fools, felt they could not define love with just one word.  They had a number.  I’d like to look at three.

One word is EROS  This word stands for the romantic aspect of love.  This is the surge of emotion, the feeling you feel….”  Eros is important, and its great.  What fun would a marriage be without a little eros?  But there is a problem with eros.  It comes and goes.  Sometimes it’s there, sometimes it’s not! 

A second word is PHILEO.  This might best be translated friendship.  It comes when people have common goals, dreams, interests and beliefs.  This too is important.  .

Finally there is what is called AGAPE.  This is a unique word that is used, in the Christian Bible, to talk about God’s love.  It is love, which as it is illustrated, with unearned.  It is love simply given, as a gift.  With agape love one is not loved because one is beautiful, wise, rich, or powerful.  One is just loved.  It is not based on earthly value, it creates value. 

We see the nature of this love in Jesus who constantly, consistently, places high value on people who are normally rejected.  Tax Collector, Prostitute, Thief, lowest of the low…. Jesus, with the eyes of agape love, sees through surface problems of illness, weakness and failure to the jewel at the core of the person.  He sees the person God created that person to be…

In short, with agape love,  instead of looking at the world through the lenses of hatred, suspicion, judgment and fear, we face the world with an open heart.  And you respond to the world accordingly

Think about that passage from Corinthians we heard earlier….  Those words aren’t about how one feels, they are about how one sees, and about how one treats, others.

The great parable of agape love is the story of the prodigal son….Luke 15:1-32

Here, the prodigal,  is someone who has failed miserably, even morally.

This is the mother who is on drugs

The man who has stolen from his employer

This is the person who has made a mess out of life and is jobless and homeless

This is the person on the street.

In the story the parent… God…. Receives and accepts this person…

And in the context of this reception… and remember it is not a blind reception.

The parent knows  exactly what this child is like…

The parent knows every sordid detail… parents usually do you know.  I like how Richard Rohr puts it…

 "The gaze of God receives us exactly as we are, without judgment or distortion, subtraction or addition.  Such perfect receiving is what transforms us.  Being totally received as we truly are is what we wait and long for all our lives.  All we can do is receive and return the loving gaze of God every day, and afterwards we will be internally free and deeply happy at the same time."

And there we have the point.  Agape love, being seen and received, as we truly are, is transforming..

The son in the story goes from being a homeless reject to being a beloved son… and I would like to think, lives out his “sonship” from that point on…

In other words… agape love helps create… metanoia, or transformation.

It is my hope that having made mistakes, having been broken, that having been there, in the pit, the darkness, and redeemed, the prodigal would be able to have empathy, forgive, love with agape love.  I have no illusions that the son never made another mistake.  The shadow of failure, the shadow of a wasted life doesn’t disappear after metanoia…

Thomas Merton writes, in his autobiography, The Seven Story Mountain..  “There was this shadow, this double, who had followed me in the cloister (this is after he became a monk)… he is still on my track.  He rides my shoulders, sometimes, like the old man of the sea… I cannot lose him…. He is supposed to be dead.”

The shadow doesn’t disappear.  But we don’t need to be defeated by this.  This shadow keeps us honest, and keeps us coming back to the one, God, who loves us with agape love.  This shadow teaches us to love the source of life… and prompts us to love our neighbor.

So agape love is something we receive

It is something which transforms us

And it is something we are called to give

Some things to think about....

What is it that you see in yourself that you don’t like?

What is that you see, when you look at yourself, that makes you believe, that if people knew that about you, they would not receive you, accept you?

Then think about the idea that God sees you.  Sees all of you

For exactly who you are

But loves you anyway…loves you with a love that sees the created to be you

With a love that creates value in you

A love that makes you a beloved child

A son or daughter of the King

A prince or a princess…

A treasure

Know that God loves you that way

Image what that can mean, for how you love others

In loving that way… you bring the kingdom into this time, and this place.

A Shift In Vision

Lots of times people wonder what Christianity is all about

For some is it a matter of being good, following the rules

For others it is about believing the right thing….

For others, it appears to be about taking certain stances on ethical issues

But scripturally Christianity is about the kingdom… the Basilea

What the heck is the kingdom all about?

Is it about heaven?  The after life

 

But I think that the kingdom is not about heaven, the after life.  Its not about an existence… in other sphere, another place, another dimension

Over and over again we hear Jesus hint that the Kingdom is actually in us

Or that the kingdom is in our midst

In other words, the Kingdom is somehow here, it is about this life

"The Kingdom is near

The kingdom has been given to you

The Kingdom is like a mustard seed

Yours is the Kingdom of God"

And we hear Jesus say that the Kingdom is coming, is being pulled into reality

By us  - and we hear him say that it is revealed, is brought into being by the way we live and act

There is a lot we don’t know,  but one thing we do know  --the kingdom is a radical thing

I would suggest it is in fact a matter of three things, symbolized by three Greek words

1.  metanoia

2. agape

3. therpaea

Yes, this is going to kind of be a little series... and I would like to start with metanoia (Thank BTW to Thomas Moore who got me thinking about all this in his wonderful book Writing in the Sand)

There is a parable in the Gospel of Thomas, one of the apocryphal Gospels, which goes like this:  "Jesus said,  the kingdom is like a certain woman who was carrying a jar full of meal.  While she was walking on the road, still some distance from home, the handle of the jar broke, and the meal emptied out behind her on the road.  She did not realize it.  she had noticed no accident. When she reached her house she set the jar down and found it empty…" 

 

The kingdom of God is a matter of letting it all go  -- of starting empty

And in that moment of "letting it all go" we experience metanoia.  Meta means change.   Noia means order.

So the kingdom involves a change of order.  A change in the way your order your thinking, your heart, your life.

It is a matter of metamorphosis  ---  a profound shift of being

 

This is not an easy thing

It takes what the Buddhists call a "beginners mind"

Or what Jesus talked about when he said “be like a child”

Its often talked about as being “born again”  

When we go to this place, the usual is turned upside down…

How we think, love behave,  become radically different from what was (think the beatitudes)

How do we tap into the kingdom?  How do we pull it into being… Ah, that is the hard part… and the easy part.

According to the parable from the Gospel of Thomas we begin the process by becoming empty.  Gerald May says we do it by becoming willing, instead of willful.  Traditionally we come to this place… its kind of like doing one of those silly trust games, where you close your eyes and just fall back, trusting you will be caught…. traditionally we come to this place by many paths.

The path of pain

The path of failure

The path of nurture

And we use so many tools to move us along the way…

As we stumble along whatever path is our.. we pray, we meditate, we read, we think, we talk, we worship, we are in silence…………and yes we sing..

Metanoia..metamorphasis…

Walking step by step with God

Letting God guide choice by choice

Experiencing, being God’s new thing

And we think differently

We see differently

and we act differently.........

To be continued........

A House Divided

I am depressed

no not in a clinical sense

But this political campaign season has me down

Does the tone of this thing bother anyone else?

So what is wrong with it?

Hmmmmm

Well there is the fact that everyone is playing games with the truth

There is the fact that the two sides are so far apart

There is the fact that people seems to be willing to say anything to get elected

and

Do anything to get power

Without even thinking about the impact on people

Real people

There is the fact that we are, as a nation divided

The hate is palpable

Go ahead, read a blog or an article on the campaign

or on the stances of either party

If you go into the comment section and find honest dialog

show me the way

All I see is name calling

Hate

Rigidity

Blindness

No one is talking to anyone else, it is all monolog

there is no dialog

Stupid

Fool

Liar

Cheat.....

That is the quality of the discourse

When did money become more important than caring for people?

When did we stop listening to each other?

When did we stop working together to create solutions?

Whenever it happened, it has to stop

As we go forward for the next 

horridly long months until November

I would like to have us remember the words of two pretty special people

"Love your neighbor as yourself"  Jesus

"A house divided against itself cannot stand "  Abraham Lincoln

And becoming "undivided" does not mean one side destroying the other

It means loving the other, and learning to collaborate......

Sigh

I am depressed

Blessings 

Stephen

Necessary Suffering

Some of you may have been noticing

if you haven't then I know you haven't really been reading this blog

that I have been

hmmm, how does one put this?

unsettled?

sad?

dark?

Well, lets just say it hasn't been the best of times!

It is not that there aren't good things going on.

I have a wonderful granddaughter who has arrived on the scene with her goofy smile

I have an amazing and wonderful group of co-workers to spend my days with

Great sisters

I have been blessed in many ways

But sometimes

lets face it, life can be a bit, chaotic

things happen that make us feel anxious, hurt, sad

There are a lot of challenges out there right now

The climate of American politics right now scares me, saddens me, and offends me

There are changes and threats related to my business that are stretching me, a lot

and I wake up in the middle of the night worrying, wondering, going through the options

second guessing myself

I have gotten stretched thin enough

that it is hard for me to attend to others the way I want (and that is at the center of both my roles)

Often when we get in such places it is easy to look at the chaos, and see it as only bad

to get into that place where we struggle with "why"!

Why can't the state leave things well enough alone

Why can't politicians tell the truth?

Why can't people see the value of mental health care for vulnerable people (enough to help fund it)

We get into that place where all we can see is the what is wrong, and painful

and we kind of want to quit

But I ran across this quote from Scott Peck.  Not my favorite guy, but he does say some good things

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” 

Shortly after that, while re-reading Richard Rohr's "Falling Upward" I ran into a chapter where he talks about what he calls 'necessary suffering".  He suggests, as does Peck, that moments of discomfort push us forward.  Make us think, move, change, grow.  Gets us our of our ruts. 

I still think the ruts suck
And I know that in climbing out, we are in danger of climbing out on the "wrong side"
But.... 

OK

OK

I can buy that.  

Lets keep moving God, one step, one choice at a time

Motivating Forces

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”
                                                                                                            ― John Lennon

Some mornings one wakes up

and the day lies ahead 

ripe with expectation

one moves into the day like a child

who can hardly wait

for its unfolding

other days begin more ominously 

dread has come

and expectation has feld

and what remains is fear

a fear

that like a grim reaper

cuts down passion and joy and hope

and leave us standing in the wasteland

frozen

afraid

of what will be

afraid of life without love

afraid that we can no longer create

no longer make life something, anything

Perhaps it was the red sun

 

God goes camping!

There are times when life sucks

 

We feel abandoned or rejected

Horrible things happen, such as yet another mass shooting

We are hurt, scared, angry, alone

And so we wonder….Where is God?  Sometimes God seems, so big.  So vague. So inaccessible.  God must have felt that way to the people of Israel, stuck there in the desert on that Exodus.  Oh they had that pillar of fire.  That cloud…  But that is not exactly warm and fuzzy.  They did not really, I think, have a sense of anything about God other than, this great other…..

But in this section of Exodus, God changes the game…Because God has the people of God create a place for him to be present in the midst of the people.  A place where the people can meet God

He has them put up a tabernacle -- Essentially a large tent….

So God goes camping, tenting with his people..

And in that tent we have the ark.  Which was, essentially, a dwelling place (symbolically) for God in the midst of the people.  And on that ark he has them place what he calls a “mercy seat”, which is his way of hinting at HOW he was going to be present for the people.

Now remember, this is the God who has been present for the people in a very different way

God has been present as a pillar of cloud, a pillar of fire

God has been present as big, and powerful, and mysterious, and yes, scary

But now we have something different.

God in a tent

This story seems important to me, because it marks a change in the relationship of the people with God

Before the tabernacle, and the ark.  God is present.  But he is present only in that big powerful way….  But now we have something different.  God as immanent.  Close.  Perhaps even humble.  It is not that the powerful side of God goes away.  We still have the cloud and fire thing… That is still present

But now we also have this…

A place in the midst

A place where at least some of the people can go

A place of mercy

This is important.  Someone once told me that their big problem in terms of faith was their concept of God.  They saw God as some sort of vague being, some great “other”… and kept picturing tapioca pudding.  The big guy in the white robe with the lightening bolt isn’t much better.

God, the infinite one is hard to connect to.  But when we understand that there is this other side to God...  the immanent.  Immanence is not the opposite of transcendence, it is the correlative.  Immanence and transcendence are two sides of the same coin....If transcendence is the infinite God, Immanence is the intimate God.  This is the God who is present, and whom we “experience”,

This is the God who tents with his people

Who becomes present at the seat of mercy

We see the same dynamic, the same dichotomy in the first chapter of John…

In the beginning was the Word.  And the word was with God

And the Word was God….

The beginning of John is all about the transcendent God

The God of power….

But then, a shift

And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us

God as really big

God as intimate

In Jesus God was present

And it gets even better.  In the Spirit God continues to be present in an even more intimate way. God doesn’t just “tent” with us.  God “tents” or dwells in us, in the person of the Spirit.

The images John provides are startling

Powerful

The presence of the intimate God, as “ a spring of water gushing up to eternal life

                The bread of love,

                                The true drink

                                                The light

                                                               

The presence of God

                Truth giving

                                Empowering

                                                advocating

God is present

God is present in power

God is present in mercy

What does that all add up to?

Grace

What does grace add up to?

Transformation

When we experience God’s presence and love.  When God is present, we are changed…

Shane Claibourne tells a wonderful story of a family that experienced the presence of God, and its impact.  This family once met a young woman who had found herself 6 months pregnant, and homeless.  They invited her, because God touched their heart with compassion, into their home.  It was such a beautiful experience that they decided to continue living together to help raise the new baby girl while the mother pursued her dream of going back to school to become a nurse.  They have been living together as a family for a decade now.  The baby is now a teenager and the mom a nurse.  A heart wrenching twist to the story is that the wife of the couple is now very ill with multiple sclerosis, but now the nurse living in her home is caring for her, just as she had cared for the nurse….

This is the divine gift that comes when the transcendent God of power becomes intimate, comes into our hearts.  And does the work of grace.

Another Day, Another shooting

We are so careless Lord

with our words

our faces

our minds

We speak words of hate

We tell lies

Spread fear

nurture the fire of antagonism

our faces reflect what is in our heart

contorted

angry

cruel

cold

our minds are full of fear

and greed

and selfishness

And so we talk about "them'

those Muslims

those immigrants

those homosexuals

as if they are not people

not really

we rob them of their faces

their humanity

their divinty

and sometimes 

the seeds we plant (yes, I am talking about Westboro Baptist, Michelle Bachmann and more)

sprout

they bear fruit

And some one picks up a gun

and people die

and people cry

and you

Oh Lord

You cry too!

What is good for you is good for me?

We have many teachers in our lives

Parents, spiritual leaders, friends,

school teachers, professors

even our dogs and cats

oh!

and I can't forget horses

We learn many lessons

in many ways

sometimes the teaching is intentional

listen up Stephen Paul

Sometimes it just happens

there is that limbic programming thing

and soon my brain hums a long

in rhythm or not with your brain

Repetition teaches us as well

growing up my mother frequently would say

just as i walked out the door... "remember who you are!"

Another way of saying, don't so anything wrong!

Some of the things I learned were good

Be kind to others.  Have compassion.  It is good to help the vulnerable

Work hard.  Respect women.

Some of the things I learned were not so helpful

"No matter what it do it is never good enough"

"You have to be next to perfect for people to like you"

"People will like you for what you do, not because of who you are.'

Some of my beliefs work!

Some of them don't!

And some of them.....

Well some of them confuse me.

I was taught to respect the needs and wishes of others.

But sometimes what is good for others doesn't feel like it is good for me.

How do I deal with this?  Do I discount their need or mine?

Do I push my agenda, or fold?

I know I know

There should be a way to compromise

Find a common solution

Tell that to congress

(by the way, did you know a group of baboons is called a congress?)

Sometimes I find my self wishing

that the instruction booklet for life 

were clearer

Wishing that all the rules I have in my head worked

For my benefit

And for the benefit of those who have me in their lives

But alas

So many teachers

So many lessons

Such a mess

I guess it comes down to what I often tell the people i work with

All you can do is the best you can do with the tools you have

and pray

The Gaze of God

The gaze of God receives us exactly as we are, without judgment or distortion, subtraction or addition.  Such perfect receiving is what transforms us.  Being totally received as we truly are is what we wait and long for all our lives.  All we can do is receive and return the loving gaze of God every day, and afterwards we will be internally free and deeply happy at the same time.

                                                                                                       Richard Rohr

I hear it every day

I am no good
I am not enough
I am a mistake
I am a waste of space
I am using up valuable air

So people people look in the mirror
and despise what they see
They look and they see sin
They see the hurt they have caused
Their mental illness
Their addiction

They hear the voices of parents
husbands, wives, and children
Perhaps even pastors

Who affirm
confirm
their belief that they are bad
nothing
less than nothing
an object of derision

turn or burn!
can't turn?
God will take care of you
and I don't mean that in a nice way!

You should have could have
Why didn't you?
Why did you?

Trash
Sinner
Bad

But  the gaze of God 
receives us exactly as we are, 
without judgment or distortion, 
subtraction or addition.

When we look at ourselves through the eyes of God
it is a different story
Yes, we see it all

The good the bad and the ugly
But.....
we see ourselves with the eyes of love

God sees us as we are
and still loves us
still sees us as his beloved children

Have you ever wanted to believe that you
could be seen as you really are, and still be loved?
 
This is the greatest gift of all
This is what sets us free
 

God is like that

In their book "Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar...." Cathcart and Klein open up their chapter of the Philosophy of Religion with this brief statement.

"The God that philosophers of religion like to argue about isn't one that most of us would recognize.  He tends to be more on the abstract side, like "the Force" in Star Wars, and less like a parent who stays up at night worrying about you."

____________________________________________

Sometimes when I think about God

I can only think BIG

I mean really big

Like Master of the Universe big

God is up there

out there

a little bit vague

a lot scary

The mean old guy with a beard and thunder bolt

or worse

God is totally transcendent 

and frankly

not exactly very real

and helpful?

can a cosmic bowl of tapioca pudding 

(yes, that is my other image)

be helpful?

But sometimes I think of God as immanent

and intimate

I think of the Christ

The Word made flesh

God living among us

I think of God in the Exodus

Camping

Tenting

with the people of Israel

present and in their midst

And I think of how God comes now

in special people whom God places in my life

in sisters and daughters

dear friends

God is in the person who listens deeply

In the one who notices my pain

and shares my joy

God is in the smile and the hand shake

I get from the person at the Blue Banana (my favorite coffee spot)

and in the quick hug I get

when I walk through the door of my church.

God is in the little child who tugs at my pants leg

and smiles up at me

and in my granddaughter as she laughs

God is

Big

But God is also

Present

in all the little things

And yes, God looks down at me

and worries

as a mother worries

over a difficult child

A question for you! Seriously!

It has been a number of years now since I started this post

from less than a 100 hits per month, to...

well, more

it has grown

evidence that at least a few people

and few computer generated websites have found their way to "Dancing Faith"

But this has been a difficult year

Lots of changes

Lots of challenges.....

And I am contemplating not doing the blog anymore.

So I am asking this question

Does anyone read it... I guess some of you do :)

and is it meaningful, useful.... worth continuing

So i am asking you to answer this question

using the comment option at the bottom of the blog....

Am I looking for affirmation? 

Obviously

But i am also looking for guidance about whether to continue

to "put my stuff out there"

Thanks for listening

I will look forward to your responses!

Stephen

Anonymous is just fine BTW

Stumbling

W.H. Auden once wrote, "We would rather be ruined than changed.  We would rather die in our dread than climb the cross of the present and let our illusions die."

Soon or later, as we walk down the path of life,

We hit a stumbling stone

I have stumbled more than my fair share.

a stumbling block is some event

some hurt

some disappointment

some loss

that you simply can't deal with....

at least not with the resources you have available

her

now

not enough love

or strength

or hope

no tools for doing the job

such moments can freeze us,

cause us to shut down

or anguish us

bringing tears that we simply cannot deny

they can anger us

generating hate, or merely a violence in the soul

this week I have faced

personal loss

I have lived in the shadow of death with people I love

I have seen fear and confusion in the presence of an illness

I have struggled with my own limitations

as a man

a person who is in leadership

a person who wants to be, but so often is not, what he wants to be

I have hard decisions to make

and fears about decisions already made

I am stumbling

and what I want most to do is fall

and stay

there in the dust of the road

I want to quit, and let the tears roll

but is suspect

that this falling

that all the losing, failing, fearing

are part of the process

of growth

they are part of the journey

home

it is when we are lead to the limits of our current game plan

our current resources

and find them to be

not enough

that we reach out and seek

that we become open to

the real source

the deep well

the constantly flowing stream

Lord

Help me to pick myself up

Out of the dust

And drink

______________________________________________________

 

Isa 35:5-7:  Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped.

6 Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy.

Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert.

7 The burning sand will become a pool, the thirsty ground bubbling springs.