alone

Every once in while I pause

And take a breathe

And life my head up and look around

Released for the moment from all the busyness

I have woven around my like protective armor

And in that brief moment I know

We are all alone, born alone, die alone

Perhaps not we, just me

I can look back on my life and realize

That in spite of co workers, and more, and

In spite of being surrounded

By fellow therapists,

And by the saints in my little church

And at times by family

That in spite of the company, I have been alone the whole way

I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—

but essentially, and finally, alone.

Oh there is human contact

And moments of grudging respect

For what I can do….

But there is something that keeps people from “sticking”

I am the Teflon man…

Perhaps I am too arrogant?

Too greedy?

Not kind?

Too insecure, and thus too self-promoting

Too opinionated?

Definitely too opinionated!

It matters not the flaw

It is just that

In the dark

When my self-esteem falters

And I realize I am too tired, too old, too whatever

To really do and be what I want to do and be

That I am marking time

I am alone

And not respecting myself I must look in the hearts and minds of others for my happiness

But there is no one really there

Or perhaps I can’t see him, or her

There is no one really there

Except happy dog

Which is something

Which is something indeed

Be good

Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”

                              Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

_________________________________________

Finn is a “good dog”

he learned early on not to get on the furniture

Or chase the deer too far

He learned to sit when a car comes by

And to bring “dad” the ball

I’ve notice that not all dogs are

Quite so well behaved

Nor quite so “happy”

Are they “bad dogs”?

I suspect that with dogs, like horses

The problem is not the dog (or the horse)

But the one who owns them

And works with them….

How they behave is a reflection of how they have been treated

Of love, and kindness,

Clarity

Consistency,

Or NOT

Perhaps the true is of people too

I remember the line in “Hook”

When the little daughter of Peter Pan

says of the mean, gross, old Captain

“He’s just a mean old man without a mommy”

People are, to a great degree, what others make them

Perhaps the way we influence people become good people

Or at least better people

Is to be good people, better people, ourselves

to be love, an kindness, an compassion and generosity

to be humble, and willing to serve

there is no better evidence that the opposite is also true

that mean, cruel, arrogant, greedy souls

bring forth the same in those around them

that those who not sit in power in our country

so perhaps our energy

dear ones

needs not go, not into changing “them”

but into changing ourselves

into being the kind of people who bring “good” into the world

as always our vulnerability and goodness maybe seen

as weakness

but there is no one so weak as one who must diminish others to feel strong

so let us transform ourselves, by the renewing of our minds

the awakening of our souls

that we may know good

be filled with good (the Sacred)

and be good

(good human, good human)

Fight evil with good

“The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.”

                              Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

________________________________________

How do we resist evil?

How do deal with all the anger and hate?

How do we cope with the oppression and minimization of others?

How do we combat greed and the lust for power?

How do we fight the horrible people of this world?

We fight evil with good

We respond to others with calmness and acceptance

We work for justice and equity

We live generosity

And we let go of our egos and seek to be servants of all

We simply refuse to fight horrible people

By being horrible people

Be kind dear ones

Be humble

Look for the good

Love like you mean it!

that deep place

“And for all this, nature is never spent;

There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;

And though the last lights off the black West went

Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs—

Because the Holy Ghost over the bent

World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.”

                             Gerard Manley Hopkins

_________________________________________________

It seems as though there are too many ends

Too many moments when it all winds down

When things slowly fade

In to nothing

Hopes

Dreams

Go

Our moral compass

Spins hopelessly

Our mind slows

Our body erodes

We are spent

And yet

There at that deep place

Where we are who we are

Truly

Ending is beginning

For every death there is a birth

For every end there is a beginning

For every things that goes, something comes

Accepting the changes

Letting go of the past

Opens our heart, our mind our body

To the “new thing”

Coming

And we are every warmed and enlivened

By the warm breath

of Love

Enough

“You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough.”           

                              William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

__________________________________________________________

what does it mean to

have enough?

do enough?

be enough?

Sometimes we go through life

never know where enough ends

we can never have enough

capitalists love this

we can never do enough

businesses, churches, and organizations love this

we can never be enough

perhaps it is fair to say that counselors love this

but the reality is

we can all reach that place

where we have enough

do enough

and where we are enough

and I suspect we don’t need as much as we think we do

and that the balance between doing and being, is heavily weighted toward doing

and that we have no clue of our inherent worth

perhaps we need to STOP

and breath

and sit

and reflect

more

Perhaps we need to STOP

and play more

dance more

sing more

perhaps we will find e have enough

maybe even more than enough

be strong

“On a planet that has given in... you must prepare to be very strong.”

                             Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time

____________________________

Sometimes it seems as if we have just “given in”

Sometimes if feels as if we should

Why bother?

Why care?

Why try to work for justice, and equity?

Why try to walk the path of love?

All the forces that strive to

Crush and destroy love and compassion,

Generosity and forgiveness

Are just too strong

We say that “love wins”

But so often we don’t really believe it.

We see hate win

And greed

We see people, in their lust for power

Trample the poor and the vulnerable

With a smirk on their face

I used to think the writers of the Psalms were whiners 

“How long O Lord, how long?”

“Will you hide your face forever!”

But so often my soul screams the same questions

And it seems most logical just to give up, give in

To hide

To stay silent

Ah!

But we cannot

We cannot

The Psalmists for all their grumbling

End with Hallelujahs and songs of redemption

The horror of the cross ended in resurrection

The Sacred insists that at the core of creation

At our core

There is love

And so we must prepare to be very strong

Not in the sense that we become angry and brutal

Not in the sense that we build walls and fund a bloated military

Not in the sense that we encase ourselves with hate and anger

But that we become strong in the way of love

It takes more strength to love

Than to hate

Small childish dictators, whether they rule a country

Or a household

can hate, oppress and diminish

Love is beyond them

So let us be strong

Very strong

Let us

Live love

God's Classroom

We have all come to the right place.

We all sit in God’s classroom.

Now,

The only thing left for us to do, my dear,

Is to stop

Throwing spitballs for a while.  

                                            Hafiz

___________________

we are all people needing to learn

men who are in important places, merely boys, or at worst adolescents

women who are still little girls

childishly we taunt and tease

we gather in cliques,

and sometimes we bully

we are scrambling, scrambling

to figure out who were are,

what we are doing

and why we are doing it

we are incurably self-centered

and so our world is in chaos

as we blunder through life

throwing

spitballs

perhaps it is time again for me

time again for you

time again for all of us

to stop

breathe

and pay attention to the Teacher

the Sacred lessons are found everywhere

in the laughter of the true children

in the rising of the sun,

the beauty of deer

the affection of cats and dogs

they are found in those people

who listen, and care

who accept others

who give gifts of love and compassion

we are in the right place

we all sit in God’s classroom

may the lessons

begin 

True Power

When one party (read person) has all the power, which is, for many, the very definition of God – the only natural response is fear, denial (practical atheism), hiding, or seeking to manipulate the situation.  The flow of giving and receiving is not possible with such an imbalance of power.  Love requires some capacity for equality and mutually.  The only way for this pattern to change is for God, from God’s side, to shift the power equation and come to us in a vulnerable position.  Jesus is this living icon of this power-shift:

                                           Richard Rohr, Daily Meditation, 1/22/18

_______________________

I want to change the world

I really do

If you haven’t noticed, it’s a bit of a mess

I want to change the world

I want the power to make that happen!!!!

Sigh!

Already I have lost my way

For power is the problem

I fear we humans, even those of us who insist

That we want a way of love,

Think power is the way to get what we want

But power rarely leads to love

It leads to control, and abuse

There is the power OF love

And the power TO love

But love is expressed not through power

But through vulnerability

Love happens when we come along side

When there is equity

And equality

Yes, I am being simplistic

I often am

But it occurs to me that when I kneel

And talk to a child at their eye level

I am a different person than when I loom over them

It occurs to me that when I take the time to listen and affirm another

Before I go off on my ideological rants

That the tone of the conversation has a chance to be transformed

For aggressive an combative

To compassion and productive

I fail so often to love effectively

Because I seek to scramble to a position of power

Rather than emptying myself of all that ego

And putting myself

Where I can connect with them,

but also where they can equally connect with me

To that place of self-exposure

Honesty and authenticity

And real

Love

Where good things can begin to happen

For both people

Both side

For all

somethings have to be believed

“Some things have to be believed to be seen.”

― Madeleine L'Engle

________________________________________

I have to admit

If I am very honest with myself

That sometimes I am a little short on hope

I wandered through some evaluations tonight on line

of classes taught

most were good

but one person said I was horrible

boring, ineffective the worst

I feel that way sometimes

It is my greatest fear

And the older I get the worse it gets

You would think it would be different

That after all these years I would feel secure in confident

In years of success

But no

And then there is the news

There is always the news

Government shut downs

Lies and more lies from those who would lead us

Wild weather

Cruel people

And then there is just life

Aging body

And mind that no longer really works the way it did

Tiredness

Pain

I see no reason for hope

I can see no way

We will pull into being the Kingdom of God

No way to heal the earth

No way to pull together a radically divided people

No way

No way

No way

But I believe

And so I see the goodness in the hearts of people

I see the beauty and resilience of the earth

I see that I might still be of some good to someone

I see that perhaps I will learn to be a good dad

And a doting grandfather

I see God’s love

I see the Kingdom coming

Some things have to be believed to be seen

Who do you trust?

“With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.”

                                                          Abraham Lincoln

________________________________________

Perhaps we are who we listen to

We are whom we trust

We are whose words we echo

Whose values we live

Whose attitudes we mirror

Whose heart we reflect

We have a choice,

We really do,

About whom we choose to trust

It is a profound choice that changes

Fundamentally

Who we are

When Jesus was baptized God said

“This is my beloved child, listen to him”

And Jesus words echo through the ages

Blessed are

Blessed are you

Blessed are you when

You are poor in spirit,

When you mourn

are meek,

hunger and thirst for righteousness,

show mercy

are pure in heart,

are peacemakers

it is all too clear

in this time when greed, and hate, and a lust for power rule

that this is difficult to do,

and if one seeks to live this way one might even be “persecuted for righteousness' sake”

for sure one will be ridiculed, call a libertard, or a snowflake

but still we are called to carry on

to seek to bind up the wounds

to care for ALL

to create Justice

and seek peace

But our capacity for living this way

The depth of our mercy

Will be profoundly determined

By who we listen to

And whom we trust

Do we listen to, and trust people who would stir our fear,

Or people who would stir our love?

Do we listen to and trust people who live in the light of truth,

Or people who peddle lies and fear?

Whom do we listen to?

Whom do we trust?

For we are who we listen to

We are whom we trust

We are whose words we echo

Whose values we live

Whose attitudes we mirror

Whose heart we reflect

What if

“When the culture of any organization mandates that it is more important to protect the reputation of a system and those in power than it is to protect the basic human dignity of the individuals who serve that system or who are served by that system, you can be certain that the shame is systemic, the money is driving ethics, and the accountability is all but dead.”

                             Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness

_________________________________________________

Sitting in the dark I wonder

How did we get it so wrong?

How did our government get to the place

where heartless men (and a few women) make decisions

that so clearly neglect not just the vulnerable

but the entire community of people that is our country,

that larger reality we call “human kind” (wherever they might live)

and, in fact, the planet itself?

How did our churches get to the place

where money and power and tribal loyalty are more important

than love and grace

how did we get to the place where

our government, our religions, our economics

practice functional violence and participate in casual cruelty

against the vulnerable,

the least of these

and how did we all become complicit?

How did we manage to transform love of God into shaming? 

Grace into judgement? 

How did we move from compassion to neglect?

We often hear, these days

The phrase

We are better than this!

Are we?

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I am sure the answer is “no”

And yet, I believe Jesus when he insists that we can be

When he announces that the “kingdom of God is near”

When he proclaims that it is “within”

When Jesus says we can be people who love,

and thus comfort, and include, and protect.

Jesus promises us this alternate reality.

And in the end, we are told, it will be THE reality

But what do we do now?

We cannot merely sit in the dark and lament

We cannot continued to stumble around aimlessly in the wilderness

We can resist

Oh, I know, it feels as if there is nothing we can do

But think about it

What is one thing you could do today,

that would be an act of love?

What is one thing you could do today, that reflects generosity?

Who is that one person toward whom, today, you could live compassion?

Is it really impossible to be kind?

To speak gently,

To reach out a hand,

To provide practical help to those around us?

Oh, I know

Cruelty and arrogance sit in high places

The entire universe seems to bend toward greed and hate

We would rather buy more instruments of death

Than provide healthcare

But what if…?

What if enough people,

What if every person who believed

In Sacred,

Lived love

Even in small ways

Each day?

What if

anxiety

Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight,

feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings.

                                           - Victor Hugo –

_________________________________

there is that morning

when we wake

already startled and vigilant

our heart pounding

our mind racing

we think of that task undone

of that mistake

remembered in the dark

we think of a behavior regretted

of debt

dangers lurking in our path

and in panic

our whole system is afire

as we scramble to our computer

rush to our office

seeking to confirm to worst,

or perhaps,

start damage control.

Sometimes we just need to stop

so much more can be accomplished if,

in our moment of anxiety or panic,

we slow down,

breathe deep,

step away from our brain

and connect with that which is greater than ourselves

with the ground beneath our feet

with the rhythm of our breath,

the beat of our heart,

with the Sacred Presence that lives

deep down, at the center of who we are

and realize that we have it within us

Wonder

“I don’t trust a theologian who dismisses the beauty of science or a scientist who doesn’t believe in the power of mystery.”

                              Brené Brown, Rising Strong

______________________________________________

The Bible says this world was a divine creation

not a matter of accident

that creative genius spoke

and the world came to be

Mystery

Science suggests that the world

Was the culmination of many things

That can explained

Coming together

In just the right way

That all the currently observed matter and energy in the universe

were initially condensed in a very small and infinitely hot mass.

The BANG

And matter and energy expanding in all directions.

And in that expanding

earth, and eventually us

honestly?

I believe them both

I don’t care how that mystery that is the Sacred did it

I just believe that behind it all is something, some power

I call it “God” for lack of a better way of saying it

We could call it love

I know when I look at the mountain soaring

See the clouds drifting in a startling blue sky

Watch the snow fall

See the deer sneak

And the birds soar

That there are explanations

That sciences can take it all apart

At least to a certain degree, and explain how it works

But that doesn’t destroy for me

The mystery

It doesn’t take the Holy out of the equation

All of intricacies science helps us understand

does not destroy my sense of wonder and awe

and all the medical science in the world

which can take my body apart down to the cells

does not destroy my belief

that I am fearfully and wonderfully made

Go outside this morning

Look at the sun rising

Watch the bird fly

Experience the movement of your own body

Look into the eyes of a child

And the truth will rattle around not only inside your skull

But inside your heart

there is no war between science and theology

they both simply remind us how much

we do not know or understand

and leave us

in

wonder

Justice and Outrage

“Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected

  are as outraged as those who are.”

                                            Benjamin Franklin

________________________________________

It is not all about me

It is not all about you

It is not all about America

Some of the most devastating words ever uttered might well be

“me first”

“America first”

Essential selfishness is a lovely short term fix

Where I get what I want

And that is all that matters

But in the sacred design

We are connected, one to the other

We are like a body, with parts so intertwined and connected

That if something is wrong with one part, all parts are affected

The definitive word in the divine thesaurus

Is not “me”, it is “we”

When we seek benefit

We all must benefit

As we struggle to move to a place of safety or affluence

We must all get there

No one can be left behind

So what does it mean when we are willing to shame and abandon the poor?

What does it mean when we are willing to minimize women?

What does it mean when we are willing to silence the voices of people who just happened to be black?

What does it means when we are willing to clutch our power and wealth to ourselves

And leave so many others behind?

It means we have been willing to abandon many important things

Such as justice

Not to mention compassion, and generosity

Kindness an acceptance

Some guy named Jesus once wondered,

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?

Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

What happens when we leave goodness and justice behind?

What happens to our hearts, our souls?

They wither

And we become incapable of speaking out!

We become incapable of making the decisions that lead to justice

Instead of helping to usher in the way, the Kingdom of God

We create a hell of our own making

Responding in love to those around us

Responding with love to the challenges that face us

Sometimes demands the outrage of love

A fire in the belly

That simply says “This cannot be!

This harm that is being done to that person

That one there,

Who may be of a different faith

Who may be a different color

Who may be of a different social class than I

This harm cannot be allowed

This injustice

Cannot stand”

But, I can pray

“Don't try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer.”

                             Scott Stratten

______________________________

It is hard to stand there

When people say outrageous tings

It is hard to keep quiet when people repeat things

That simply are not true

About people different from them

It it painful to see hate, and greed

And yes, racism

Unfold

Touching lives, scarring lives

Sometimes destroying lives

As for myself, I want to brilliantly present the case

For love

So powerfully that the anger is calm

The hate extinguished

But I am not a jackass whisper

I cannot change people from the inside out

Only the one who let hate and greed kill him

And yet conquered can do that.

It is not my place to argue or cajole

But I can pray

Persistently

And I can love

The person in front of me

I cannot win over the haters

And enlighten those who will not see

Otherwise I merely become what I resist

I can only live a life of love

And seek to overcome evil with good

And believe, that will be enough

Open Hearts

“Until we can receive with an open heart, we're never really giving with an open heart.

When we attach judgment to receiving help,

we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.”

                             Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

_______________________________________

Where does it come from,

This need to shame the poor?

This need to attach conditions to compassion

To acceptance,

Even to food, and housing, and healthcare?

Why would I not want my neighbor to have what he or she needs to survive?

Why would I not want their children to be healthy and happy?

Even my cat and my dog

Can be generous during “chicken time”

Sitting together, taking turns getting scraps

During the sandwich making hour

I think in part it is because they know they have enough

And there will always be enough

Enough chicken

Enough love

Enough pets

They both wallow in affection

The both get it, and therefor

They can both allow the other to receive it as well

So what is behind our unique human tendency

to be so grudging when it comes to giving?

Why do we put so many requirements on help?

Why do we create pre-requisites for compassion?

Is it because at some place deep down in our souls

We are afraid?

Afraid that we don’t have enough?  Won’t have enough?

Or is it because we ourselves have been taught that only the weak and flawed need help?

That people need who help are ‘less’, ‘unworthy’, “lazy moochers’?

Functionally no longer “people” but objects of scorn

And that we somehow deserve what we have, and “they” do not?

And how is it that some of those least capable of giving

are those with the most power, the most wealth, the most privilege?

And are those entrust with the care of a nation, or care of souls?

We are a curious lot

We humans

I suspect that this is an inconvenient truth

If we don’t know how to receive, we don’t know how to give

And the one who has never felt the need to receive

Perhaps, because of privilege and affluence has never felt need,

May simply be damaged, paradoxically by privilege

When it comes to generosity

And the one who has been told they have to earn love

By parents who gave merit based affection

Or by a church that put conditions on God’s love

Simply cannot get their heads and hearts around grace.

No wonder we are such a mess

Since it may true

That we have entrusted the functional delivery of compassion and justice

To those very people least qualified to offer it?

--------

Lord, help us learn of our need to receive

Help us to learn how to receive

Help us to open our hearts to gifts offered

That we might eventually

Also give

With an open heart

Praise

“Praise, my dear one.

Let us disappear into praising.

Nothing belongs to us.”

              Rainer Maria Rilke

________________________

I can spend my day

seeking affirmation

reaching out desperately

and trying to pull into the core of my being

something

that makes me feel good about myself

striving

boasting

“hey look at me”

And at the end of the day

I will count my “winnings”

and find that they are

not enough

or I can spend my day praising

the mountain

the trees

the person in front me my

my child

my spouse

my friend

I can lose myself in praise of others

And in that praising

Need will disappear

And love will grow

Self will be lessened

But communion will grown

And I will be lost

In

Love

Vulnerable

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

                              Brené Brown, Daring Greatly

_____________________________________

Vulnerability is hard

for it requires us to be permeable

no hard shells allowed

we have to let stuff in!

we have to let other people in!

Ouch!

That is risky, scary

And sometimes we get hurt

Sometimes we get used and abused

It happens!

We  also have to let stuff out

We empty out those dark corners

We reveal our flaws our weaknesses

When we are vulnerable we are seen for who we really are

Hallelujah for vulnerablity

For we let stuff in

Sure there’s the difficult stuff,

But there is also stuff like love, and hope, compassion

When people respond to the stuff we let out,

we are touched at the level of the heart

The soul

Vulnerable people are never stale!

And we let stuff out

Touched by the Sacred

Stirred by the Sacred

Touched by other people too

We respond with gifts we never knew we had

Love , compassion, generosity, understanding

And vulnerability is path down which they pass

To the people around us

Someone said to me recently

“you are hard to get to know”

Indeed

Because I was taught that vulnerability was bad

I was taught, by the American culture, that vulnerability was weakness

I believed it

I was wrong

free love

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

                                                                                      Brené Brown

______________________________

Finn loves connection

He lives for connection

For a pet, a pat

For that eye to eye contact that only dogs can offer

For a nuzzle

A paw placed in a lap

All he knows in those moments is love

All he gives is love

And his day is made and his heart is calm

After a “ball” walk with dad

Or a romp in the snow

He will rarely leave the porch alone

The world is only truly fun when it is share

Ah that we humans might learn a lesson or two hear

About touch

About eye to eye contact

And unreserved value and respect

Ah that we might figure out in the giving and receiving of love

A life is to be found

Who in your life opens you up to the Sacred

Who reminds you that the sun rises and sets

Who helps you see the world with eyes of wonder?

It might be a lover

A parent

A child

Or even friend

It might be your dog

(or horse, or cat, or….)

Take a moment

Look them in the eye

And say “thanks”

Sacred DNA

“We are what we love. If we love God, in whose image we were created, we discover ourselves in him and we cannot help being happy: we have already achieved something of the fullness of being for which we were destined in our creation. If we love everything else but God, we contradict the image born in our very essence, and we cannot help being unhappy, because we are living a caricature of what we are meant to be.”

                             Thomas Merton, A Book of Hours

________________________________________

Leaping through the snow and mud

Finn (the dog) does not wonder who he is

Or why he exists

He is fully in himself

Fully in the moment

And total ecstatic

Happy dog!

We on the other hand

Are not so sure

Happy human?

Not so much

We are always searching

For meaning, for purpose

But mostly we are searching for ourselves

But it seems the more we search for ourselves

The more confused we get

Perhaps the problem is that we look outside ourselves

For our definition, our value

We look to power, or perhaps wealth

Titles, and possessions

But what we look for is not out there, somewhere

It is within

It is to be found in our Sacred DNA

In the fact that we are Sacred Children

If we want to find ourselves

All we have to do is look at God

Love God

With the singleness of purpose

That happy dog has

Ball, ball

Stick stick

Only in our case?

God, God

Loving God we love ourselves

Loving God we love our neighbor

Loving God we can be content

Happy Human