Waiting in the Dark

“Whatever it is you're seeking won't come in the form you're expecting.”

                                                    Haruki Murakami

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On this cold December morning

as I struggle, for no reason in particular

with the ravenous wolves of despair,

I look out the window at the hungering dark

and remember that we are entering

that odd and melancholy season of Advent

I know that in the public marketplace

the true “war on Christmas” shoots forth its volleys

of color and music

in malls filled with music and color and imposed good cheer

but in the church it is Advent

a relatively somber time of quiet and thoughtful preparation

a time when we wait in the dark

we are waiting for…. ?

Ah, that is the question!

What are we waiting for?

Faith says that what we are waiting for has already come!

In the person of that baby, born in poverty, thousands of years ago

And we are told this baby changed, and changes everything

Swords into plowshares

Peace, Justice, Love, Joy

But here we are in a world that is full of strife

Bursting with anger and hate, fear, trepidation

And a lot of bone deep sadness

So this is not just a season of certainty

But a season of uncertainty

Not merely a time of “knowing” but a time of “unknowing” (Richard Rohr)

It is a time of questions as much as a time of answers

What do we wait for?

What would it look like if “it” got here?

So we wait, for we know not what,

But which we believe, all evidence to the contrary

is there

We wait for something to burst forth into being

We have expectations

But I suspect, that when it comes, it won’t look

Or perhaps, even feel the way we expected

It won’t come through Trump

It won’t come through any other earthly savior

It doesn’t come, I suspect, through wealth, or power

It comes, I think, in unexpected, often unheralded ways

(as it did the first time)

It comes when, after waiting and preparing in the dark

After going deep, and looking at who we are

And who we might be…

The Sacred advents in our lives

In all its surprising and unusual forms

And participate, at least for the moment

In the kingdom

Which has been inaugurated, but not yet fully realized

It comes,

and then slips away

to come again

Just as nature returns endlessly to the seasons

Our soul participates in the endless cycle

Of waiting, and fulfillment

Celebration and struggle

Success and failure

Returning again and again and again

To that time of reflection and preparation

To that time of knowing and unknowing

Where we wait

In faith

For the light to shine in the darkness