just be - you are enough

there are times that try my soul

 

certainly there are moments when what is happening in the world around me presses in

insistent and overwhelming

 

but there are also moments when it is what is going on in my own mind and heart

that afflicts me the most

 

I am not going to pretend I have had a difficult life

I am a child of privilege

and have been gifted with a fair share of intelligence and talent

 

I had good parents

and a blessed childhood

a solid education

 

and I have lived what has been

by most standards

a “successful” and productive life

 

but somewhere along the line

some malevolent voice started whispering, snake like

in my ear

 

“you are not enough”

 

“no matter what you do, how much you accomplish, it is not enough”

 

“you will never be enough”

 

and that insidious hissing

has been a consistent part of my life

even in those times when it seemed patently untrue

 

even as I gathered my various degrees,

became a large church pastor

got married

had children

ran a thriving mental health program

 

it is amazing how that kind of internal falsehood can impact one’s life

 

the details are unimportant

suffice it to say

I tried to drown those words with striving and accomplishment

I tried to medicate the pain of those words in ways healthy and unhealthy

I did great things

I did destructive things

 

my accomplishments did not silence the voice

my failures made it louder

 

and far too often I uttered words that were uttered by Paul (Romans 7)

 

“I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.”

 

and with Paul I wondered “who will rescue me?”

 

the one who rescues me, who gives me moments of peace

who helps me walk down the path of love

is the one who whispers in my ear

“you are enough”

 

that is the secret power of Jesus

the one who ate with sinners

and hung out with the poor and welcomed the outcasts

 

the one who looked with compassion

on the Sadducees and Pharisees, poor souls

who also did not think they were enough

 

to all of them

to all of us

to me

this one says

 

you are enough

you don’t have to prove yourself

you don’t have to earn love

you don’t have to pile degree on top of degree

 

just stop

 

for a moment

 

stop talking

stop striving

stop doing

stop ruminating

that just makes you miserable, and a misery to others (dysfunctional)

 

and listen

hear what I have to say

I love you

you are enough

just be

 

be the original blessing

know you are loved

know you are enough

and then

 

freed by that knowledge

 

be at peace

be open

be humble

be caring

be a servant

be you

 

that is enough