Secret Agent of Love

the day is being born

slowly the deep darkness eases

and the shapeless world outside my window

takes shape

 

vague shapes emerge

and then take mor intricate form

tangled branches create a wild pattern

as gray light grows

and then becomes orange

 

twilight

 

the birth of a new day

 

I wish the of restoration were as sure

in my soul

 

these frigid days I find myself lingering in the dark

if feels as if all the sins of humanity

my own and others

cannot be dispelled

 

resentment clings to me

and poisons my heart

 

anger takes up disproportionate space

 

as toxic individualism

a lust for power

and greed

 

swirl around me like freezing fog

 

I would like to believe that

All will be well and all will be well and every kind of thing will be well

(Julian of Norwich)

 

I would like to look upon those whose

behaviors are (I believe) harmful

at those destroying the good

and creating so much pain

 

and say to them (in all piety)

“How can you be so stupid!”

“How can you believe those lies”

“How can you use freedom as an excuse to indulge your worse nature” (Galatians 5)

 

I want them to face the consequences

 

but I know better

I do

 

I know that my anger will not ease their anger

my hate will not dispel their hate

my resentment will not cause them to be less resentful

 

I know that even my passionate reasoning

my barrage of “facts” will probably only harden

(that should be obvious by now)

 

yet I cling to the idea that they must be “put right”

I cling to the idea that we who are

enlightened, woke, spiritual, ethical,

must win the day

we must conquer

 

and so we must

but how

how do we overcome?

 

if Jesus shows us anything

he shows us that we win with humility

and compassion

and forgiveness

and reconciliation

 

that is how we heal,

that is how we restore

 

we think that humility and compassion

are weak

we think forgiveness is ineffective

we believe the myth of power

 

but humility, compassion, forgiveness

are subversive

and powerful

 

so this day

as the light grows

and the world takes shape

and becomes broader and brighter

 

may the light also grow inside me

and create space

a free and friendly space

 

that allows me to walk through

all my pain and anger

all my hurt

 

softening

yielding

 

until I am born again

and become an agent of reconciliation

a secret agent

of love