sometimes only forgiveness works

Forgiving you was the best thing I ever did. Forgiving you sent the bird of my heart winging through the universe… Our vulnerability is our strength.  Our capacity to forgive is our superpower.

          mirabia starr

 

You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you

          Jesus (Matthew 5 NRSV)

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what does real courage look like?

it looks like openness

like vulnerability

 

it looks like a willingness to let others in

to that deep place that is truly you

 

it looks like caring so much

you risk being rejected, disappointed, betrayed, hurt

 

and then, when all is said and done

being able to forgive the other for what they have done

or not done

 

there are people who have hurt me

not, perhaps as badly as I have hurt myself

but, still!

 

I have been lied about

betrayed

I have had people reject me,

throw me away

I have had people believe the worst when I have tried

Hard

to give them my best

 

some people have angered and frustrated me

not because of what they have done to me

but because of what they have done and are doing to others

 

to the poor

the vulnerable

the different

the addicted

the aged

 

and I am called to love them

and pray for them

I am called in my heart, to wish them well

 

not success in their endeavors

but wellness, wholeness

 

I am called to understand that

their words, their behaviors, their attitudes

are a symptom

a cry for help

 

an expression of fear, anxiety

hurt

a cry for help

(whether they understand that or not)

 

I have of course hurt myself as well

that needs to be said

not all my affliction born outside my soul

I have my own demons which drive me

shape me

 

my own hurts and fears which

emerge as thoughts, feelings, words, behaviors

 

I hurt myself from the inside out

and contribute to the hurt that comes from others

 

and I must forgive myself as well

if ever I want my heart to sing

 

if ever I want to be a force for good in the world

 

and there it is

the inconvenient truth

 

I will not touch the world with love

I will not be a force for good

I will not be a helper and a healer

 

if I carry bitterness in my heart

and fail to forgive

 

Jesus forgave

even while agonizing on the cross

unfairly judged

brutally beaten

tortured unto death

 

but the words that came

forgive them

they don’t know what they are doing

 

can I do the same

as from my minor inconveniences

I look out at those who follow evil people

those who lust for power

those who abuse power

those who destroy the planet

those whose greed creates poverty for others

 

can I say

forgive them

they don’t know what they are doing?

 

can I

I retreat from those words so often

they do know what they are doing

they have hurt me (or others) so badly

they are bad!!!

 

ah, there it is

 

they are hurt

they are hurting

the are (to echo the words of Wendy in Peter Pan)

miserable souls who badly need their mother (or father, or God)

 

they are people who need to be loved

and I can’t get to love

without forgiveness

 

bitterness will always enslave my soul

only forgiveness will set it free

to soar