Why does it have to be so hard?

A friend was preaching on Job

Perhaps, she suggested

"it takes a tough moment to see God. 
It is not as if God is more or less present, 
but perhaps we are less present in the good times.

Shortly afterward I was reading Richard Rohr
and heard him talk about "necessary suffering"
and about how it was always those on "the bottom'

those who were persecuted
oppressed
put down
how had the best feel for God

It seems that those with power
those with affluence
those who are "in" the inner circle
religiously speaking
are at a disadvantage
spiritually speaking

It is something to think about
no wonder those of us who are so comfortable
have a hard time getting such statements as

happy are the poor
happy are those who mourn
have are the persecuted

no wonder we have trouble
letting go of what we have
to go with God
we have so much

no wonder we suggest 
that it is all a matter of merit
and accomplishment
power and abundance

 

The paradox is that we often grow the most

in times of struggle and adversity

in times of loss

 

but why

does it have to be so hard  ?
  
 
 

          

The Empty Soul

"How many times has your soul felt empty

and then maybe, a temple for all near you became? 

                                                           Hafiz

______________________________________________________________________

How many times has my soul felt empty?

Perhaps a better question might by

how many times has it not?

Of course I am a dramatic kind of guy

who rarely shows passion

but often feels passionate

about life

about God

about love

but all too often

my soul feels empty

and I?

well I simply feel tired

 tired and alone

barely able to crawl out of bed

and face another day

and it is all so 

unnecessary

I am slowly coming to understand that we create our own suffering

we become attached to our cravings

our desires

we all have our unique desires

for love

or success

or influence

or power

it doesn't matter what we desire

we become attached to those desires

and then

we don't get there

and the gap between what we desire, and what we have?

therein lies the pain

and thus is born

the empty soul

St Augustine once said, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee (meaning God)

Rumi has a phrase that goes “The only real rest comes when you are alone with God”

The only cure for the empty soul is God

fullness can come

it comes when we hold on to God as tightly

 as God holds on to us.

________________________________________________________________

“All you want is to be happy.  All your desires, whatever they may be are a longing for happiness…Desire by itself is not wrong.  It is life itself, the urge to grow in knowledge and experience.  It is the choices you make that are wrong.  To imagine that some little thing, food, sex, power, fame, will make you happy is to deceive oneself.  Only something as vast and deep as your real self can make your truly and lastingly happy”

Source unknown

When love is there!

"When love is there, is not the treasure?

When it is not, who could blame a face that looks sad?"  Hafiz

________________________________________________________________________

It is interesting

is it not

that we can have so much

be so blessed

and yet be so unhappy?

"We are not an unhappy people!" you say?

look around!!!

at the anger

the fear

the grasping

people calling each other 

stupid

moron

retard

at people trying to decide

which candidate

which philosophy of governance

which tax laws (we really do see them as soooo important)

will benefit them

enrich them

yes

make them happy

we seek the hidden treasure

through our greed and anger

through power

through our cars

our house

our influence

our jobs

our titles

 

we seek the treasure

and lash out

in frustration 

when we cannot find it

 

yet there it is,

right there! 

the treasure

in the hug of a friend

in the precious affection of our beloved

in the tiny tug

and toothless grin of a grandchild

in the majestic beauty of a winter day

in the wonder of God's love

when love is there

is not the treasure?

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Ps 63:3-5
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.  My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you. 

What not Why

It is a curious thing

Lots of people seem to think they have the right to speak for God

Take for example comments by a candidate for the US Senate

In thinking about an instance of rape

and the subsequent impregnation of the woman

He went instantly to the why

 pregnancies from rape are “something that God intended to happen."

Really?
God told him?

We tend to  do this a lot
poor God

we decide why things happen
the problem is when we go to the place where God
micromanages everything
everything
its all God
good, bad
whatever happens is God's will

This is an odd forumla
One I think that is not exactly supported by scripture
which seems to suggest people have something to say
when it comes to evil

I think it is one of the great theological mistakes
this idea that God makes everything happen...
not only the good
but also the bad and the ugly.

It takes us such weird places
A child dies... we must make sense of it
Why?  Why? we cry...
and so people say "God wanted this beautiful child in heaven with Him"
Really?
Not my God. He would not do that to a loving parent.

A woman is raped and gets pregnant.
God must have wanted another life?

It doesn't work
the formula is flawed, and no amount of creative thinking
can always come up with a reason WHY God did something...

As with Adam and Eve,
we darn well have our own minds
and we make our choices
and its not always good
and we can't always make sense of it, except to say
that's life
that is what happens when people
who are all to flawed, have choices

Why is the wrong question
It takes us to horrible places

Paul did remind us... all things work together for good, for those who love God"
So I think the question is this... WHAT?
What can God and I do with the mess I have made
with the mess those around me have made

What can God in the power of the Spirit
do through me
with me, to create good out of what is clearly
not good.

God will that a life would be created during a rape
No!
God is there in the midst and the pain
Yes!
God will work to try and make good emerge
Yes!
Will we always make the right choice, even then?
No!
God will work with even our bad choices?
Yes!

What can God do?
How can I help?
How can love, and grace, and forgiveness thrive

Those it seems, are the right questions!

How can God's law create such violent hateful people?

I have been frustrated lately

yes, it has to do with the elections

about all the people who claim to be the champions of morality

and yet... in the end

are nothing more than the purveyors of anger, and hate

and even violence

we see it clearly in the middle east, where religious systems 

battle it out

but it is just as real in America

where those who would uphold the law

actually end up

(or so it seems to me)

 

on the wrong side of the Gospel

 

It is an old story, this battle between law and grace

it is not that we don't need law

we certainly do...

but what is law about?

 

Paul struggles mightily with this

and at one point 

remembering the way he had persescuted and murdered Chrisitans

actually asks the question (Philippians 6) 

 

"How following the law so faithfully still create hateful and violent men like me?

God question

As we see so called people of faith saying cruel and hurtful things

Supporting legislation that harms

Being, bottom line, a negative force

Because the law is not an end
but a means
we turn God's law into a matter of
fallowing a check list of rules

rather than a tool for promoting God awareness
a tool for seeing the intimately personal struggles we face
between love and hate
generosity and greed

struggles that can only be resolved
at whatever level they can...
by the presence of God/Christ/Spirit in us.

law is where we begin
where we see our need of God
where we understand the big conflicts of the soul

law takes us to God
to grace
to empowerment

not to attacking and dehumanizing others
not to flying planes into buildings
not to obscene signs at funerals
not to name calling

if we find ourselves in the places of hate
and rigidity and intolerance
that place or moral superiority
we have made law an end in itself
and we have become lost
and taken those around us with us!

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You must learn the meaning of the law very well, so you will know how to disobey it properly (Dali Lama)

I would not, Jesus was one person who clearly knew the law well enough to "disobey" it (probably the wrong word, properly

I Just Could be Wrong!

My mom used to say it all the time

 it was one of those sayings

that to her was second nature....

right after her standard commandment

as I would leave the house

"remember who you are"

something I often tried hard to forget

it is kind of a burden to be the doctor's son in a small town

with a mom who had her expectations

about how I would act

and dress

and even whom I might date :)

I heard it so often

I began to wonder

whether she needed glasses or something

"I can't believe my eyes"

Really?

Why not!?

Seems like what we see

is simply what is there.... 

or is it?

I have come to learn, 

in my old age, that it really isn't that simple

for we do in fact wear glasses

all of us

all the time

24/7

big thick glass

that change things

that twist and distort

until what we see....

well we need to take care

about what we think is true, clear

Those lenses

our gender

our age

our life experiences

our values and beliefs

our education

our social class

our families of origin

our place of origin...

all those things are the lenses through which we see life

until what we see

is a reality we create

and what we don't see

ah, there becomes so much we don't see.

we can't in fact believe what we see

oh did I mention politics?

 sometimes I wonder if my friends and are are listening to

the same candidates :)

I have to constantly remember

as I judge the "sight" of my friends with whom

I don't agree

that my "sight" is just as compromised

So I am trying hard to say what I believe

but not cut down

or overly entrench

or treat other's perceptions with disrepsect

for
I
just
could

be wrong

Getting what we deserve

“Are the gods not just?'
'Oh no, child. What would become us us if they were?”
― C.S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces

_________________________________________________________

Sometimes I rail against God 

How can you allow this God?

Why have you done this?

I see people lie, and prosper

I see evil unfold, and flourish

and I cannot understand

I look at my own life

at my petty pains

at what I have lost

at the marvelous plans that have come to naught

at the dreams that have faded

I feel my mind swirl

my heart break

I feel fear and anger

and my soul screams

why doesn't God give people what they deserve!?

and then 

deep in my soul

it occurs to me

that I can be very

thankful

that God doesn't do that

but instead

holds me gently and warmly

in grace full hands

and not just me

but all

all creation

yes, even those people

I 

not being God

and not being able to love 

as God loves

see with the eyes

of anger

Who is my Neighbor?

A lawyer once asked Jesus

Who is my neighbor?

Ah, those tricky lawyer types

Always looking for a way to trap and confuse

But Jesus told a story

of three men on a road

kind of reminds one

of all those horrible jokes...

three men walked into a bar

three men were in a boat

but in this case three men walked down a road

and saw a man

beaten and bloody

it is then the story gets interesting

there are lots of things one can say about this story

but for me the story revolves around that 

man

the one in the dirt

the neighbor

the point is this

we have this horrible tendency 

to narrow our concept of neighbor

you are my neighbor if...

you look good

you are safe

you are not needy

you are the same color as me

you are a Republican (or Democrat)

you have a job

a home

you don't drink

you don't some

you don't chew

and don't go with girls that do

believe like me

act like me

dress like me

are wired sexually, just like me....

but I am becoming more and more convinced

that my neighbor

is that person

I just happen to run in to

in the store

at church

on the street

forgive me God

when I do not see

the neighor

you put in my path

Who Am I?

Who am I?

Sometimes I honestly wonder how to define myself

Which raises another question

Who gets to define me?

And what criteria do they use, anyway

How do we define people

by their intelligence?

beauty?

athleticism?

how do we decide who is valuable and who is not?

who is OK and who is not?

We all know the judging is happening

We know we are being valued

and people are deciding

if we have worth, or not

if we are what they treasure 

or not

this leaves us very fragile

scattered

dissipated

like "reeds blowing in the wind"

like it or not

we gain our identity

through our relationships with others

and we need

we all need

a "constituting other'  (Richard Rohr)

we need one, at least one person

who mirrors us in a positive

a person who reflects back to us

all the love, the promise

all the good

that is in us

if we are lucky

very lucky

we find a person who does that...

who knows us so we can know ourself

who loves us so we can love ourself

Oh?

didn't you know?

There is such a person for each of us

for each of us can stand naked

before the loving gaze of God

and have our best self reflected back

I know I know

it is hard to believe

and it is more believable 

when someone, someone here

mirrors us lovingly as well

we are called to pass on "the gaze"

we are the ones who can reflect back to others

all the love, the promise

all the good

that is in them

A wise man once wrote

A true Christian is invariably one who has met a true Christian

Who am I?

my relationship with God

my connection with the one

who gazes on me with the eyes of love

and hope

tells me all I really need to know

Out of our worst moments

It has always struck me that the Bible is such a mess

so full of uncomfortable dark stuff

failure

hate

greed

even murder

A writer once said that the people of Israel

made a religion out of their worst moments

revealing a relationship with God that was always in process

 

three steps forward, two steps back

two steps forward, three steps back

 

a process of learning and growing

in understanding of self and the divine

but also a process full of error

and frustration

arrogant kings, thankless people

 

a process tortured and twisted

 

I resemble that 

 

But there was always one constant in the story

God

not the God they saw

not even the God they wrote about and described

but the God who was there

always

and always there

trying to re-create

trying to make them truly human (they were always spiritual, we are spiritual beings)

trying to breathe into to them

trying to give away to them a Larger Life (Richard Rohr)

trying to get us back to ourselves

 

in the midst of the darkeness

the failure

the fruitless dusty treks into the wilderness

in the midst of fear of God

and blood thirsty desire to destroy others

the people of Israel saw

however dimly this amazing God

 

and over and over again

in the midst of misunderstanding

understood

and described God  with five key words

 

merciful, gracious, faithful, forgiving, and steadfast (Walter Brueggemann)

the process is difficult

we can only pray, seek, and often suffer

But God is God

I am thankful for that

Constantly Renewed

The fog lies heavy

hugging the ground

and leaving the world obscure

 

there is movement

ghost like among the trees

does tiptoeing thru the gray

tentative and alert

 

I walk gently

one step at a time

focusing on the ground beneath my feet

that small piece of reality 

that i can see clearly

 

I must walk gently

through each day

one step at a time

focusing on that moment in which i now live

 

too often I walk

glancing back

peering ahead 

into the fog of life

tripping over the reality that 

is this moment

in which I stand

 

it is this moment

which is the only reality 

I really have

 

it is in this moment alone

in this constantly renewed immediacy

that I can be true

to my own deep reality

 

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In silence we face and admit the gap between the depth of our being, which we consistently ignore,

and the surface, which is untrue to our own reality (Thomas Merton) 

Sometimes it rains

Some mornings dawn

with amazing feats

by

a golden sun

Some mornings come 

with golden hues

and brilliant skies

mountains soaring

light dancing

 

but some mornings it is dark 

and damp

 

sometimes it rains

 

life is like that

too

Change is in the air

Green to gold

dry land fed by fall rain

crisp mornings

gently warmed by

a golden sun

hovering low in the sky

change is in the air

sometimes it feels like loss, Lord

as the leaves fall

and green turns to brown

and that stingy sun

shortens my day

leaving met in the dark

far too long

that gusting wind

which brings with it the promise

of even shorter days

and winter snow

wouldn't it be nice to jump from fall to spring?

and yet

sometimes

we need the winter

the times of darkness

of rest

of quietude

cold stillness

which oddly

brings with it

the promise of newness

God speaks

Everyone one is really God speaking

Why not be polite and listen

to the Old Guy?     Hafiz

Therefore, consider how you listen.   

                              Jesus

I am sure you spoke today Lord

I think you spoke through the tamaracks 

shining golden in a fall forest

I am sure you spoke as the sun poked 

through the gray clouds

making faces in the sky

I am sure you spoke through that little girl, 

skipping through the store in the mall (made a trip to the big city of Lewiston today)

 

You spoke to through that clerk

who did more than just take my money

but smiled

and put energy and warmth in to my day

 

You spoke to through a passage I read in the Bible

that confused, and then challenged

 

And you spoke in that moment when I realized

that I had been very very wrong

that I had acted out of weakness and need

and not fullness

 

You speak so often God

You challenge and confront

You tell me about costly things

And wonderful things

You comfort and guide

and encourage

 

and I?

sometimes I listen

sometimes I don't

I fear I have selective hearing God

(I am told by my family this might be so :)

 

Help me God 

not just to listen

but to hear

 

I wonder what a spiritual hearing aid looks like?

Can I Love?

In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice

and often the good suffer

and often the wicked prosper,

and one hardly know which of this is the more annoying! (Bertrand Russell)

There is indeed suffering in the world

on this point Jesus and the Buddha agree

sick bodies

sick minds

sick souls

 

and there we are 

in the midst of it all

with our unique sickness

 

and yet, if everyone is sick

every one too is called to be a healer

we are all in need of healing

we are all

called to be healers

 

ah but there is a catch

healing is an act of "otherness"  

 

when we heal we live for others

with others

we must be outside ourselves......

 

sometimes I feel as if I am condemned 

to solitary confinement within the prison of my own ego (Sam Keen)

 

I look kind

I try to be kind

but my ego is a fortress

full of self

at times full of arrogance

and importance

but mostly just full of self

what will I gain?

what is in it for me?

who is for me?

who is against me?

 

there is ego war everywhere

 

sometimes I wonder

if I can ever escape

 

and just when I am ready to give up

the wind of God's Spirit

of love

blows through the window of my wintery fortress (thanks again to Sam Keen)

 

and I see

the pain in the face of a friend

the fear of that person lying in the hospital bed

the rank loneliness of the man whose wife has left him

 

and for the moment

if only for a moment 

my trapped ego is free

 

to reach out 

in love

and compassion

to be for 

and with

and heal

 

The Cry of the Heart

It lies inside us

that yearning

that hope

its pretty basic really

we want to be touched with love

with compassion

with respect

we seem to have this hunger

this need to know

that somone

somewhere

out there

 

values us

believes in us

 

we need to see a smile light up someones face when they see us

hear the warmth in their voice

have them make a choice

just for us

 

make us a priority

perhaps even choose to do something

just for us

that something they would not do on their own

 

chose to go to a party when they hate parties

or stay home when they love to be our

give a little

as well take a little

make a sacrifice or two

knowing they will get a sacrifice or two

back

 

we hunger for this 

in way

we do not ever understand

 

we just know it drives us

and so we smile

we laugh and talk

we give

we serve

we do what we can

 

to convince the other

to give us a bit of themselves

to convince them we are worth it

and to convince ourselves as well

we try so hard

 

it is the cry of our heart