Inner Chaos

“The highly sensitive [introverted] tend to be philosophical or spiritual in their orientation, rather than materialistic or hedonistic. They dislike small talk. They often describe themselves as creative or intuitive. They dream vividly, and can often recall their dreams the next day. They love music, nature, art, physical beauty. They feel exceptionally strong emotions--sometimes acute bouts of joy, but also sorrow, melancholy, and fear. Highly sensitive people also process information about their environments--both physical and emotional--unusually deeply. They tend to notice subtleties that others miss--another person's shift in mood, say, or a lightbulb burning a touch too brightly.”

― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

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Outwardly I go through my day

Calm

Cool

Collected

I go from task to task and get things done

Usually a lot of things done

But inside it is a different story

While my outer life is a documentary on the mating rituals of the fruit fly

My inner life is reality TV

Or perhaps a soap opera

Lots of drama here!

Because my mind is busy

My emotions too

And I notice…

Everything

Every nuance. 

I notice it, and parse it, and come up with something

(in my cases as an anxious person) something to worry about,

or a need to impress

or a reason to withdraw, hurt and alone

its an interesting world,

my inner life

a nice place to visit

but I wouldn’t want to live there…

but wait!

I do.