I am a wanderer. I would say that I am a seeker, but sometimes I have no idea what I might be seeking, so I will stick with wanderer. This blog is more a public journal than anything. I don't claim to have life figured out. I simply stumble from mystery to mystery, and share my reflections along the way. Sometimes I feel burdened, and trudge. Sometimes? Well sometimes grace breaks through, and its time to dance.
Thursday, January 31, 2019
the curiosity of compassion
Ask about your
enemy’s wounds and scars
Seek his hidden
cause of trouble
Feed your enemy’s
children
Learn their word
for home
Repair their
well.
Learn their
sorrow’s history.
Trace their
lineage of good.
Ask them for a
song.
Make tea. Break bread
Kim Stafford
______________________________
We have lost a
jewel of great value
It slipped away
somehow
While we were not
looking
While our fingers
threw,
Tweets like
stones,
And we raged with
righteousness,
It fell from our hearts
and was gone
The curiosity of
compassion
We listen and
look
We react and
respond
But we do not ask
Questions are the
tools of empathy and understanding
Where did it come
from, that hate that spews?
What was the
genesis of that unfathomable thought?
Who, or what,
wounded this one so badly?
What is this
person’s story?
Who is this
person?
Who is so much
more than what I see or hear?
Understanding is
not acquiescence
But it creates
sacred space
In which
connection and healing happen
That space in
which that raging fool,
Is transformed
into a deeply wounded person
Where anger is
metamorphosed into pain
That space in
which I gain access once again to my own heart
And can meet the
other
As a fellow human
being
With the
curiosity of compassion
My eyes and heart
are opened to the wonder and complexity
Of the precious
soul in front of me
And to the wonder
and complexity of my own soul
It should be no
surprise that we have more stories of Jesus
Eating
Than stories of
Jesus
Preaching
I can think of
very few times when I have “argued” my way into reconciliation
But I can think
of many times
When over a meal
Or over a task
(those who paint church basements together, come together)
Communion has
been born
We live in a
world full of shouting,
pushing,
demanding
Judging,
insisting
maybe it’s time
to stop
and listen
and understand
tea anyone?
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
the myth of merit
“You often say; I
would give, but only to the deserving, The trees in your orchard say not so,
nor the flocks in your pasture. Surely
he who is worthy to receive his days and nights is worthy of all else from you.
And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his
cup from your little stream. See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver,
and an instrument of giving. For in
truth it is life that gives unto life-while you, who deem yourself a giver, is
but a witness.” Khalil Gibran, The Prophet
“Easter is never deserved.”
Jan
Karon, Home to Holly Springs
_______________________________________________
It is an endless
dance
when early a’morn
the hay finds its
way to those
three lovely
ladies
who hoofs
prancing
and breath
exploding in the cold
air
dance endlessly
around the piles
before
finally
settling in for
the snuffling and the chomping
they know who is
oldest and most venerable
and there is
respect there
but no exclusion
all find a place
and one some fine
days
as two piles lay
somewhat neglect
the three
noses together
munch happily
together
I do not think a
single one
Sadie, Tiger
Lilly or Sadie
Have a since
though about merit
I deserved this
You don’t
I gotten ridden
yesterday
You didn’t
Slacker
Moocher
No
There is enough
They share
Any illusion that
there is not is enough to share
Is merely an
illusion
What is it about
us humans
Who can watch the
homeless and hungry
Dance around our
“enough”
And say “I earned
this, its mine, you can’t have any?”
What is it about
us humans
That we are so
worried about whether someone deserves
Food, or housing,
or health, or love?
How can we pour
so much passion into a zygote
And have disdain
for the mother
And ignore the
breathing living child
And the struggling
youth in transition
And the lonely
and ill adult?
We are so weird!
How can we not
see each person
As a miracle
How can we not
see each person as a child of God
How can we not
see each person as one who carries divine DNA?
How can we not
see
Jesus in the face
of each person we meet?
Even that face we
most disdain
(that is where it
gets really hard… to see the face of Jesus
in certain pink rimmed eyes)
It is never a
matter of whether a person “deserves” grace
Or love, or food,
or housing
Remember!
“Easter is not
deserved”
It is a matter of
remember what we have been given
And giving to
others (yes, there are limits, and boundaries can be good)
Until they
remember
That they are
worthy of the gift
Tuesday, January 29, 2019
Deal with it
God loves you, and
there is nothing you can do about that!
David Mangan
______________________________________________
A Theology of Merit
I see it every
day
I see it in so
many ways
We have decided,
somewhere, somehow
That some people
are worthy
And some people
are not
Worthiness is
defined in so many ways
Behavior
Color
Sexual
orientation
Affluence
Power
Jobs
Titles
Health
Mental health
Productivity
Beauty
Size
Talent
Beliefs
The list goes on
and on and on and on and on.
And we just
quickly and harshly
That person
deserves care, or love, or forgiveness
Or they do not
That person is
worth allowing in our country
Or not
That person is
worthy giving help,
Or not
That person is
worth respecting
Or not
It is amazing to
me how insidious the process is
By which we
choose whether to value another person or not
They support
Trump! Not valued
The are a libtard
who doesn’t support Trump
Not valued
They are black,
brown
Poor, ill
Immigrant
Non English
speaking
NOT VALUED
It is almost a
national pastime to decide who we believe should get health care
Or food stamps
Or be accepted
within our borders
But is the
discussion really about worth?
Or is it a
discussion about fear, and greed, and other weighty things
I don’t want that
brown person to get help
Because they are
“undeserving” and keep some “deserving” white person from getting what they
should get (it is doubtful that one person getting help precludes another needy
person from getting what they want, but that is how the thinking goes)
Undeserving
perhaps, really means different
And fairness is
racism and elitism, and dominionism in disguise.
We play this game
at so many levels
There are white
collar versions. I deserve that
promotion, she doesn’t
I deserve what I
earn, because I am smart and powerful and its might right
But those people
at McDonalds don’t deserve a living wage
It is pervasive
And destructive
And Jesus saw it
So many people
who are spiritual awake have seen it
It’s not just
wrong
It’s deadly
It’s ugly
And it is anti- Jesus
Anti-Sacred
Even though we
try to dress it in the clothing of religion
Right now the
least Christian part of the American populace is the Christian right!
Really, I mean
it!
Jesus was not
ambiguous. (Luke 14:21)
“So the servant
came and reported these things to his master. Then the master of the house
became angry and said to his servant, ‘Go out quickly to the streets and lanes
of the city, and bring in the poor and crippled and blind and lame.” (Luke 13:29) “And people will come from east and west, and
from north and south, and recline at table in the kingdom of God.”
The table of
grace is open for business
All are welcome
There is no
theology of merit
Grace alone
Monday, January 28, 2019
Our shared humanity
Compassion is not a
relationship between the healer and the wounded
It’s a
relationship between equals
Only when we know
our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others.
Compassion
becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity
Rene Brown, The Gifts of
Imperfection
_____________________________________________________________
If you want to
help people you cannot stand above them
You cannot be
separate from them
You have to be
with them
In extremely
profound ways
This is a truth
as old as the scriptures
Remember that
baby in a manger?
Remember “God
WITH us?”
And Every time I
read the story about the Baptism of Jesus
One thing always
strikes me
Jesus does not
stand on the bank
Cheering the
sinners on, as they slosh into the muddy waters of the Jordan
To be baptized by
his cousin John
No, he sloshes
down into the river with them
Which merely
confirmed that God understood what we too should understand
You cannot be a
force for healing, if you do not some how
Identify with
And join with
Those you wish to
help
Or should I say
serve
God had a
history, even before Jesus
Of tenting with
the people
Wandering with
them in the wilderness
In their midst
There
Camping with them
This is not a
easy thing
The bible says
that in order to do it we have to “empty” ourselves
Who the heck
wants to do that!
Empty ourselves
of pride, comfort, power
Kenosis
If I want to work
with that person with addiction
I have to face
and acknowledge my own addictions
If I want to work
with that person who is caught up in poverty
I have to step
down from my own affluence and privilege
This does not
have to mean I give away my affluence, although I suspect that would help
But at the very
least it means I have to go into the homes of poverty
And “tent” there,
be there
And be there
comfortably, happily, humbly
Mostly humbly,
grateful for the hospitality
Received, but
probably not totally deserved
This is perhaps
why compassion is so hard
And why
condescension is so easy
It is hard to
enter into the pain
The want
The lack of
control
The fear
The hopelessness
It is easier to
stand on the bank and,
Our own clothes
clean and dry, reach out and hand
“here ‘little one’,
let me help”
I am fortunate
I have really
screwed up at times in my life
I have lost a job,
and deserved to lose it
I have gone from
being a shooting star to being a falling star
I have had to
leave most everything behind, and start all over again
I have been
“relieved” of a job in way that was fundamentally unfair
I have lived on
donated food
No, I am not
there now
But I have been
there
I have struggled
with an impulsive personality
And I have done
things I regret, deeply
And even though,
right now, for this moment
I am in a good
space, and have nothing to hide
I remember
And I can connect
I can understand,
at least to a degree
Because of my own
moments of darkness
I can stand in
the dark with others
That is why I
always have loved President Carter
Who admitted that
he sometimes “lusted in his heart”
Bravo Jimmy!
And now look at him
Still married
Still serving
Getting sawdust
in his hair
Building the
right kinds of walls
Walls to embrace
and comfort
Not walls to
exclude and punish
I understand
That when I am
truly useful
It is when I am
with others as just another sinner
Just another
person in pain
Just another
anxious soul
That I am a
healer
Not when I am the
one with answers
Not when I am the
one who is strong, or brilliant
Or even… good
I am a healer
when I am just present
Holding hands
with another
As we stumble
through the dark
Sunday, January 27, 2019
Prophet or Pastor
“All men are
Prophets or else God does not exist.”
― Jean-Paul Sartre
____________________________________
It is tough to be
a pastor these day
It doesn’t help
that
I never wanted to
be a minister
I’ve always
gotten a little itch when I am that role
Like I am
slightly allergic to the task
One should only
be a pastor if they have not choice
Really I mean it.
I don’t often see
myself as a pastor
In my minds eye I
just don’t fit the mold
Too impulsive,
rebellious, outspoken, sexual, impulsive, needy, crazy (yes really)
undisciplined
Not to mention
slightly addictive
Don’t put a bag
of chips near me, It will not survive.
I will eat it
all, all six helpings!
I have no shame
But beyond all
that, it is difficult being pastor
Because if keep
getting pulled into the role of being a prophet
It would be nice
to just pastor.
To visit, to
comfort, to tell people nice uplifting things
To leave the
comfortable, comfortable
It would be nice
to just listen
And love
But sadly I
cannot just relax into the sacred
I see so much
wrong
I see the
multitude of ways we oppress and repress
I see the hate
and the greed
I see us ignoring
the priorities of Jesus
I see us calling
good evil and evil good (gaslighting)
I wander through
the prophets and look at the beatitudes and I know
I know
We are so far off
And I feel driven
to speak up
And speak out
And challenge
And question
And I wonder
sometimes
Can I be both
pastor and prophet
Can I offer
comfort for the hurting
Support for the
confused
Can I lift people
up when I suspect
They (and I)
needs so badly to be challenged
And perhaps
Even rebuked
I suspect I am
more prophet than pastor
But I want to be
more pastor than prophet
I make my
resolutions
To keep quiet
about touchy subjects
I promise myself
I won’t challenge
But I cannot be
quiet
I seem driven
I hope it is God
I fear it is not
I fear it is not
I want to be a
catalyst for change
I want people to
like me
I want the church
to grow
I want the church
to be true
But if I speak
what I see to be the truth?
Ouch
If I really dwell
on the touchy stuff
I see things in
people I don’t want to see
Lord, I want to
be liked
I want to make
people feel good
I want to hear
“good sermon”
I want so much
What do you
want!?
Ah you want me to
be true to the gospel
To preach it as
you bring it to me
Left foot, right
foot,
Left foot breathe
What if they
don’t like me
What if it makes
my church smaller
WHAT IF I’m
WRONG?
Oh Sacred one,
forgive me if I’m wrong
Its always an
option
But always lead
me onward
Filling my heart,
my mind with you
Filing my mouth
with words that do what they must do
Challenge or
uplift
Express love
Offer hope
Help me be what
you need me to be
Saturday, January 26, 2019
Myopia is dangerous
This is an blog that
has been lurking in my head for many a day
Perhaps many a
week
Perhaps years
I was watching
the dog the other, as he very single mindedly
“chased the ball”
I can almost
guarantee you there was nothing else in his brain
But that ball
Ball, ball, ball
Is suspect that
is rarely more than one thing in his mind at one time
Ball, cat (he
likes to play with is buddies)
Food, nap
Scratch, lick
It’s a simple
life
This day he saw
nothing but the ball
And so in a huge
rush he not only ran over a cat
But he forgot
about the ice, and went spinning into a rock wall
Boom!
Didn’t phase him
a bit
The ball was all
that counted
Not cat, not the
wall, just the ball
What I have been
thinking about is people who are “one issue people”
So focused on one
issues, or worse on one facet of an issues
That they lose
sight of everything else.
And who,
Losing sight of
other concerns, and in too many cases, other people
Actually become
people who, while trying to do good
End up doing real
harm
Let start with a
‘safe’ issue, the economy
For many in
America the most important issue around is the economy
Specifically they
what an economy that generates profits
And so they are
willing to give all kinds of breaks to those they see as driving the economy,
the very rich and the very powerful
They are so
fixated on the economy, and on the GDP, profits, and the Stockmarket that good
and evil are defined by the numbers.
But there are
some very important things that can get lost in the rush for profit
Equity
Fairness
Justice
There are big
moral/ ethical questions attached to the economy
Is it OK to
create an economic engine that produce huge profits if you under pay your
workers, forcing them on public assistance? Is it OK to produce large profits
if only a few benefit, creating ever increasing economic inequity? Is it OK to
abuse the earth, and destroy the environment, dooming future generations to
misery, and possible death?
Or there is the
issue of security. Sure we all want to
be secure. But at what cost? At the cost of being kind? Inclusive?
Generous. If all you think of is
security you might love a border wall.
Without thinking about the impact on other people. The people on the border whose lives will be
disrupted. The land and animals
harmed. The people who won’t get social
services because the money has gone to a wall.
The immigrants who have legitimate reasons to flee, who will end up
lined up behind the wall, because our intake process is such a mess. You might think it’s OK to hold the lives of
800,000 public servants (yes, I said servants) and their wellbeing of their
families for that wall, but I don’t. One issue illness.
What about guns?
(we are getting in to even touchier territory here) I get guns.
I grew up with them. I have
some. I used to hunt with my dad. But it seems to me that people can get too
fixated on guns.
So fixated that
there is no awareness of any other issue than the issue of whether their access
to guns, any kind of gun, might have a few limits placed on them.
So they insist on
no controls. Without thinking of all the
children gunned down in schools. Or the
spouses killed by angry husband and wives.
Or the depressed people who have shot themselves. And the children shot by accident at
home. They forget all the adults, shot
down in places like Orlando, and Los Vegas, simply because???? In one case simply because they were
there. In the other because someone was
full of hate
If a person is
not a one issue person, perhaps that person can also powerfully moved by the
deaths of children, or abused women, or policemen. By unnecessary deaths, some of which could be
prevented if some guns were illegal, and there were fewer guns in fewer places.
Some places will
always have, and need guns. Ranches, for
example.
And that’s
OK. But if the focus can move from that
one, blinding issue, perhaps reasonable controls can emerge.
Now let’s get to
the big one. Abortion. I hate abortion. But I also really, really struggle with right
to life extremists. Not because I
disagree with their goal of trying have fewer abortions, but because they do so
much harm when denying everyone an abortion is their only concern.
They forget the
pain, the trials, the limitations of those who are struggle with a dangerous or
unwanted pregnancy. They never think
that it might, for this person, be the lesser of two evils. For them it is all about what they would do.
The other person doesn’t count. They are
willing to trade one life maybe many others lives, for the one life that has
not even drawn breath.
These same
people, who seem really to be pro-fetus, not pro-life, are willing to vote into
power people who say they are anti-abortion, but are truly anti- children,
anti-mothers, and anti-life.
You can’t say you
are pro-life if you fearfully demand a huge military and aggressive
action. You can’t say that if you are
willing to support people who cut important safety net programs for the poor,
such as Medicaid and SNAP, and Medicare.
You can’t say you are pro-life if the people you have put into power people
who cut funding for housing, and education.
And refuse to provide good birth control programs. And support the proliferation of guns (which
kill children)
There are many,
many ways to kill women and children, even if some of them do it slowly.
It works the
other way as well
Those who are
more liberal have their own sacred cows, their own ways to be harmful. And sometimes the behavior of the far left
makes me cringe.
Liberals can be
greedy too
They can seek
power at any cost
They are willing
to ignore the feelings, the beliefs of others
And they are
willing to push their agenda to the detriment of others
And I am right in
the mix… more toward the middle
But I still have
my blind spots
Where my issues
blind me to others
Blind me to
fairness, to generosity, to kindness
Boom
I go roaring over
the cat
Boom
I hit that wall
Then maybe, maybe
I wake
I have no great
solution
Only a plea.
Please don’t
become so blind because of your blind preoccupations with certain issues, that
you lose sight of the complexities
Loose sight of
other people
Lose sight of
fairness, generosity
And love
We all have so
much work to do, to create healing
In our world
Friday, January 25, 2019
Contagious
I find
another's
happiness
contagious.
Such is
the nature
of
my madness.
Fahad Faruqi
___________________________
It seems to be an
immutable rule of the universe
That what is in
our hearts oozes out
Leaving a faint
trail
As we wander
through our day
The wise have
warned us
“by your fruits
they will know you” (Jesus)
“wherever you go
there you are” (Jon Kabat-Zinn)
‘for out of the
heart comes evil….” (Jesus)
“When someone
shows you who they are, believe them the first time” (Maya Angelou)
it does not
matter
how careful we
are
or how hard we
try to hide
the truth, as
they say, will “out”
who we are will
leak into the space around us
and shape that
space
for good or for
ill
Some have said
that if we want to know who, or what
We really are, we
should look to ourselves
How we think and
speak about others?
How we treat
those who have less than we do?
How we behave
when no one is looking?
How we deal with
mistakes and failures?
How we behave
when we are upset?
All true
But I suspect
that what most reveals who and what we are
is the atmosphere
we create around us
the impact we
have on those who cross our paths
what do we
elicit?
do we bring out
the best in others, or the worst?
do we cause
people to be more open, or more protective?
do we elicit
kindness, or cruelty?
Inclusion, or
exclusion?
Love or hate?
As we stumble
through life, what lingers behind us?
A sweet smelling
aroma of love, and kindness?
Or something
else?
Someone once
wrote, “joy is contagious, catch it!”
So is
forgiveness, and peace, and love
What are people
catching from us?
What are they
catching from me?
It all depends, I
do believe
On what we carry
in our souls,
On what is in our
hearts
If we want a
better world
If we want a
better life
It is not matter
of changing the world around us
It is not a
matter of changing the people around us
It is a matter of
letting the sacred permeate
And change
The world within
in us
__________________________________________________
“Darkness cannot
drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only
love can do that.”
Martin Luther King Jr.
“Jesus does not
call us to do what he did, but to be as he was, permeated with love. Then the
doing of what he did and said becomes the natural expression of who we are in
him.”
Dallas Willard
Thursday, January 24, 2019
Your choice
“At any moment, you have a choice, that either leads you
closer to your spirit or further away from it.”
― ThÃch Nhất Hạnh
__________________________________
today I will have many choices
I can choose whatever I want
I can pick my path
Anger
Fear
Those are there if I want them
Love
Compassion
Those too
I will make thousands of choices this day
And there will be no small choices
Each one will shape my mind,
my body (no I don’t need that extra bit of sugar)
my soul
each choice I make
will
determine all the choices to come
they will define my path
may I choose
first
to be awake
to the Sacred woven into my being
for that awareness
that I am sacred ground
changes
everything
choice one
breathe deeply
choice two
pet the cat
choice three
walk the dog
Wednesday, January 23, 2019
Dry souls
For what is life but
reaching for an answer?
And what is death
but a refusal to grow
Mary Oliver,
“Magellan”
New and Selected Poem Vol 1 p238
______________________________________________
God is a God of
new things
Always, always,
things are changing, growing emerging
New pathways
New
understandings
New directions
New rules
It’s the way God
rolls
Out of God’s
imagination the world was born
The expression of
all things Sacred
Something new,
amazing, creative
And the world is
constantly being reborn
And is constantly
being reborn
As are we
Each moment the
Sacred offers us something new
All we have to do
is say yes
As Abraham said
“yes”
And Moses
And Samuel, Saul,
David
As the disciples
said “yes’
Yes to what is
new, and emerging
But we cannot
grab hold of the new
While hanging
desperately on to the old
It is fear,
perhaps that keeps us fused to the comfortable
To those old
patterns of seeing and believing
It is that deep
desire we have for safety
For comfort, that
stops our questioning
And stops our
questing
That closes us
off
From God’s new
thing
But God is not
safe
And neither is
God’s way
And our refusal
to let God take us to new places
Our refusal to
ask the tough questions
Is surely a kind
of death
We hide behind
formulas and platitudes
And slowly die to
growth
Die to openness
Die to
generosity, and acceptance
But above all we
die to love
We die to the
ability to see the other with God’s eyes
To feel for
others with God’s heart
To find in them
Sacred Presence
We lose the
ability to sit with others
In their pain
And in their
questions
We spout
judgements and answers
Formulas and
certitudes
And in the end
Our souls
Wither and dry up
So lets hear it
for the questions
And the
uncertainties
Let’s celebrate
what we don’t know
And the fact that
our God is simply to big
To be put in a
box
And walk that
unknown path
With our
partially known God
Always seeking
Always growing
Tuesday, January 22, 2019
grow
“According to the Talmud, every blade of grass has its own
angel bending over it, whispering, “Grow, grow.”
― Barbara Brown Taylor, An Altar in the World: A Geography
of Faith
___________________________________________________________
Angels watching over me O Lord
Angels watching over me!
as the wind blows
and bends me toward the earth
as age slows my body and my mind
as I drag along
old wounds and hurts
old hate
into the new day
as I stand
weakly rooted in the fabric of the universe
Sacred is calling
grow
grow
be joyful
be loving
be generous
let the Sacred
without
awaken
the Sacred within
stretch your very
being toward the
heavens
and grow
Sunday, January 20, 2019
A Sacred rush
Starlings in Winter
Chunky and noisy,
but with stars in their black feathers,
they spring from the telephone wire
and instantly
they are acrobats
in the freezing wind.
And now, in the theater of air,
they swing over buildings,
dipping and rising;
they float like one stippled star
that opens,
becomes for a moment fragmented,
then closes again;
and you watch
and you try
but you simply can’t imagine
how they do it
with no articulated instruction, no pause,
only the silent confirmation
that they are this notable thing,
this wheel of many parts, that can rise and spin
over and over again,
full of gorgeous life.
Ah, world, what lessons you prepare for us,
even in the leafless winter,
even in the ashy city.
I am thinking now
of grief, and of getting past it;
I feel my boots
trying to leave the ground,
I feel my heart
pumping hard, I want
to think again of dangerous and noble things.
I want to be light and frolicsome.
I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing,
as though I had wings.
~Mary Oliver, from
Owls and Other Fantasies: Poems and Essays, 2003
___________________________________________________________-
sometimes I am an
earthbound creature
plodding along
day by day
bowed down,
burdened
by the ills of
the world
beset too by
burdens of my own making
it is all so very
heavy
this fear and
anger
these
expectations and hopes
and I am pressed
into the earth
my feet sink into
the soil
and my heart
follows
I cannot rise
and yet
I do not stop
one foot goes in
front of the other
and on I go
seeking that
presence that can give me wings
so that I may
rise and spin
and might feel my
“boots leave the ground”
Ah!
may the Sacred
rush through my soul
prompting me to “think
again
of dangerous and
noble things”
of generosity
and forgiveness
and love
(which are
dangerous and noble)
may it wash away
all fear
with love
so that in this
winter of discontent
in this
wilderness of greed and abuse
I might be full
of “gorgeous life”
and travel light
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