still I speak

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope:

 “The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.”

 Elie Wiesel

____________________________________________

It has been suggested that at time (at the very least)

I am caught up in hate

that hate oozes from my words

which I suspect, means it oozes from my pores

I cannot help but reflect on whether this is true

I do believe that hate, and particularly, the acting out of hate

The violence, the guns, the bullying, the ridicule and minimization

is a something that does not

in the end

work

and yet there is a side of me

that struggles with silence

and perhaps, what I would call passivity

there is something in me that rebels against

things (and people) I see as destructive

and in those moments, when I am faced with words

or behaviors

or policies that I believe hurt the vulnerable

I find myself unable to be indifferent

I find myself speaking out

Sometimes bluntly

Sometimes with a bit of finesse

but still I speak

and I fear that sometimes

I cross a line

and move too far toward reciprocal hate

I can try to justify

And point to the prophets

Who were anything but gentle

Or perhaps John the Baptist crying “You brood of Vipers”

Or even to Jesus with his “woes”

And yet I struggle

How far is too far

What does it mean to resist evil, and yet not be caught up in it?

I appreciate those who challenge me in my anger

who put the mirror in front of my face

and ask me what I see

I have no good answers

Somethings must be confront

There are moments not to be silent

And yet it matters “how” we resist

I matters how we confront

How far is too far?

How much is too much?

When do we cross the line and move into the kingdom of hate?

When we hold back, and commit, functionally, the sin of indifference?

This stuff is not for the faint of heart, and honestly, I have no answers

I would love to be a Martin Luther King Jr. or a Gandhi.

I would love, like Thich Nhat Hanh to be so centered, and so at peace

That I can approach what I see as evil

More gracefully

All I do at this point

Is seek to do the best I can do

Be aware that there are lessons to be learned

And seek to grow

And in the meanwhile

Rest in grace

And place those I struggle with, into the hands of grace

And wait

And hope

For those who struggle with my anger

Which is rooted in my concern for the vulnerable (with whom I work daily)

I am sorry

I am trying to walk that line

Between meaningful confrontation

And hate

I know at times I fail to walk that razors edge.

Mea Culpa

Mea Maxima Culpa

Kyrie Eleison