Bully Brain

“Shut up, she tells her monkey mind. Please shut up, you picker of nits, presser of bruises, counter of losses, fearer of failures, collector of grievances future and past.”

                                                              Leni Zumas, Red Clocks

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It is play time in the jungle

Thoughts are bouncing around in my head like

Monkeys on crack

Its rumination time!

There are so many imponderables these days

The population with the highest gun ownership in America is evangelical Christians

Why is that?

Jesus said “pick up your cross and follow me”,

Not “pick up your gun and follow me”  (definitely not)

Why do so many evangelical choose to support acts of cruelty toward immigrants?

Does not the Bible say “welcome the stranger”

Why is it deemed acceptable for mega-church pastors to

own mansions and multiple jets?

Didn’t Jesus say “sell all you have and follow me?”

Why is lying and bullying now an accepted form of leadership?

Why don’t people understand that for profit medicine is evil

and we need universal health care?

Why do so many still “buy” trickle down economics?

Why did my hair turn into on giant cowlick when it turned white?

Why did my chest slip down to my belly when I hit 65?

Why can’t I do a better job of dealing with my persistent sense of failure.

Why do I find it so hard to connect with people (I do fine with cats and dogs)

Why aren’t there more hours in a day?

Why don’t I learn to say no?

I ruminate about a lot of things

Aging

My failures

My fears

I worry about whether I am doing a good job

About whether people like

About whether it matters to my children that I exist

About whether I’ve helped anyone

What I have come to realise, if I step away from my brain

and observe

is that most of the noise come from my ego

that part of me that wants power

and wealth

and respect (or better yet admiration)

that part never stops talking

that part is never satisfied

And I realize too, that much of what I don’t understand about others

About why they think, and talk, and act the way they do,

is probably all tied up in their ego to

and their hungry ghosts

and their fears

so much of our suffering comes simply

for the “me” perspective

and so much could be resolved

softened

let go

accepted

if we started from a different place

if we started from an awareness that we are soaked with God

that we are loved, and empowered

and accepted and forgiven

and that we have what we need

rather than starting from that empty gnawing place of need?

Why do I need to say “yes” and volunteer for one more thing?

Why does that person need to carry an AR-15 into a fast food joint

Perhaps the driving force behind the two is not that far apart

After all

So here is to being in the moment

To noticing the Sacred with in

And here is to doing (and being) what I care about