Holding Space

Holding space for another person is incredibly profound.

When you hold space for someone, you bring your entire presence to them.

You walk along with them without judgment, sharing their journey to an unknown destination. Yet you're completely willing to end up wherever they need to go. You give your heart, let go of control, and offer unconditional support.

                                                   Lynn Hauka

_______________________

by temperament I want to fix things

by training I want to fix things

by call, the call of God to be with and for others

I am compelled to hold space

I have my own ways of thinking about the act of “holding space”

I expect there are many

but for me holding space means allowing

things such as pain, and anger

confusion, even ideology

to fill the space between myself and another

to let it float there

like free floating radicals

those things that are disconnected

sometimes damaging

but totally necessary

holding space means

listening

being silent

accepting

encouraging

holding

loving

right now we are all having to do a lot of “holding space”

we are having to hold space with one another

and in a sense we are having to hold space with the reality that is Covid-19

what is most difficult about this virus

is that it has presented us with an unresolvable absurdity

the situation demands that we shelter

the situation demands that we open

we must shelter for safety

we must open in order for many people to survive, emotionally and economically

we would like to do both

open and create safety

but we must hold space with the reality

that we may not be able to do both

many epidemiologists suggest we cannot really “protect the vulnerable”

and open at the same time

the virus is too active, too complex

stopping the spread demands action that is profound and complete

so that is where we are, in an untenable place, and

I need to hold space with those who are afraid

of not being able to breathe

understand the fear they have of being on a ventilator

of being ravaged

of dying

I need to hold space with those who fear not for themselves, but for others

and I must also hold space for the person whose business is dying

who is wondering how they will pay their mortgage

or how they will feed their family

I must hold space for those who are what they do

and cannot do anything

and are sliding into depression and despair

and I must hold space with the fact

that these two agendas may be irreconcilable

it may not be possible to satisfy both the need for safety

and the need to open

We all have our own values and priorities

I do, you do

I know where I stand here, I know what I believe to be right

but I must hold space for those

who have come to a different conclusion

I must respect – yes, respect, their truth, even if it violates mine

because this is complex, and hard,

and we are all just guessing

and the confusion and pain are real

I must refuse to become rigid

Judgmental

Angry

With those who have made different choices than i

I must instead you bring my entire presence to all

Bring my fear, my pain, my compassion, my confusion, my priorities

and walk along with others, as they carry their fear, and pain,

and confusion, and compassion and priorities

walk with them, non-judgmentally

as we both journey to an unknown destination

doing the best we can

making the best decisions we can

knowing that we don’t know

where this tragedy, or we, are going

this journey is unavoidable, we can’t refuse to make

but as we go, let us go together,

respectful, accepting, loving, caring,

holding space

so we all get to the end

together