I believe, help my unbelief

The "unforgivable sin" isn’t saying the Holy Spirit doesn’t exist, the unforgivable sin is believing that there is no power to the holy–meaning, it’s believing that you are not redeemable, or that someone else is not redeemable.

But if people can’t change, if we are so cynical as to think human transformation is not possible, then what the fuck are we up to?

I believe in redemption but not because I am naïve, I believe in redemption because I am desperate for it myself.

                                                   Nadia Bolz-Weber

_______________________________________________________

Do you believe!?

I mean really, do you believe?

It is a question I have been asking myself

Do I believe God is engaged with this world?

Do I believe God works in his people?

Do I believe God can change people?

Do I believe God can change me?

Do I believe God can change Donald Trump?

It’s a legitimate question

Not just whether we believe

But what we believe

Because it changes so much

It changes how we pray

Do we pray that God deal with those who perpetuate evil,

do we pray that those who are so careless with the lives of others,

experience the consequences of their actions….

or

do we pray that God change those people’s hearts?

In short, do we pray at all?

Do we prayer retribution?

Or do we prayer grace?

I have been fighting today with my darker angels

Fighting the urge to wish people ill

Wanting to raise my voice to heaven

Asking that God do a little smiting

But if that is the best I can do, I have a faith problem

I remember, of course

that at least once Jesus asked a man

“do you want to get well”?

Which reminds me that people can indeed block

the healing power of the Sacred

we can, personally, all by ourselves

deny the Spirit

But I remember too what Jesus did with

those others saw as unredeemable

the woman caught in adultery

the Roman centurion

the tax collector

the lepers

I remember what the Spirit did with Saul

who became Paul

that crass, brutal, murderous person

so wrapped up in law

and his own version of righteousness

Boom!

Transformation

so this day I am shoved, kicking and screaming toward belief

in the power of the holy

in the power of the holy to redeem and transform

so this day I am driven to pray

God forgive me, shape me, mold me

save me from the snares which have captured me

even the snares of my own making

restore in me the divine image

restore in me the joy of my salvation

and God

forgive them too

rescue them from the snares which have captured them

even the snares of their own making

restore those I don’t think can be restored

even those (if I am honest) I don’t want to be restored

Lord I believe, help my unbelief (Mark 9)