Why Does God Love Me?

This is the thing

the core thing

that I think I have the most trouble with in my relationship with the Sacred

God does not love me because I am worthy, because I am lovable

Nor does God love me because I am unlovable, unworthy.

When it comes to love God doesn't seem to work in the realm of 

"deserving" 

at all.

God loves because God is love

that is what God does

that is who God IS

Oh, I know, there are consequences to actions

and we can deny love

I get all that

But, I have no grounds for believing God doesn't LOVEme

because I am unworthy

Jesus makes that very clear

But I struggle with this.

Beatrice Bruteau makes this startling comment....

"sometimes we want to be loveable more than we want to be loved"

Wow!  That is SO me!

I want to be loveable

I want to deserve love, earn love

I want the other person to "have to" love me

I think this gives me power, and control of a sort
if I am wonderful
amazing
beautiful
whatever
then I have the power to make the other person love me

and this gives me, so I think, a security of love
of course they must continue to love me
how could they not?

I have been this...

done that....

but to just accept love
and to accept that this love
coming to me may just be
may just emerge out of the heart of the  other person
who may be able to love me
because they have accepted love
that comes out of the heart of God...

Honestly, that is difficult

I have trouble going there

It has to be about me

How can there be a love that is

not earned
not deserved?

And yet

that is how God works

I am not there yet
I am not yet ready to let go of my need to be deserving
and just accept
love

when it comes